Confronting the Old Man in the Mirror

Should you dare to “re-inspect” yourself in the mirror, it will hardly seem plausible—despite its blatant visibility—that such a reflection truly reflects your facial/physical identity.

The increasingly outdated modality in which you may continue to regard yourself—that is, from within psychically—may not at all relate to your present-day appearance physically. And your emotional state, too, may not square with what befits your advancing age.

As one octagenarian ironically notes: “I look more and more like the quintessential old man every day. But the strange thing is that inside—I feel like a stud” (G. Buzzard, Jan. 25, 2025).

Maybe that’s one reason why we don’t see ourselves as others see us. We’re probably a lot more likely to objectify others even as we idealize ourselves by abiding by—if not espousing—a no longer accurate view of ourselves.

If we’re not yet prepared to “take in” our now older self, we’ll entertain grandiose illusions that are, well, delusional. To do otherwise would make us too uncomfortable and sabotage whatever sense of security our emotional stability depends on.

We put ourselves at risk when our self-esteem is harnessed exclusively to our physical attractiveness or strength. But unless we’re able to integrate our past, younger self with the realities we now face, our self-expectations—based as they are on such phantasmal notions—are doomed to disappointment and defeat.

A More Realistic Perspective

What’s called for here is an unconditional self-acceptance transcending inevitable present-day declines in our functioning. Only then, when how we regard ourselves no longer hinges on past realities, can we escape the “emotional ravages” of time.

Aging is a time when we need to introduce new, more up-to-date criteria for judging our worth, our fundamental sense of self. And we need to take in stride any downward movements in our capacities, free of any conventional assessments.

Our personalities are fluid. As we age, we see, feel, and sense ourselves differently. Experience changes us. And how could it not when as it accumulates it defines—and, by turns, redefines—who we are and what we’re capable of?

Fortunately, as long as we can perceive our inherent value as prevailing independent of outward circumstances (through any number of victories and defeats), we can pride ourselves simply in living out our lives as our nature dictates. For the “fruition” of our being depends solely on breaking free of earlier defenses that have prevented us from evolving into our true, here-and-now selves.

© 2025 Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.