The Link Between Body Image, Sexual Mindfulness, and Desire

Body image and sexual desire

Source: alexander-krivitskiy/unsplash

There is no doubt that our relationship with our body is an important aspect of our emotional well-being. In the most basic sense, our bodies reflect who we are.

They determine how we experience and relate to the world. They are a fundamental part of our identity and self-esteem, for better or worse.

To an extent, they project our ideas about ourselves and our values for others to see.

At the same time, our culture’s preoccupation with thinness and perfection has resulted in high rates of body dissatisfaction, particularly among women. The emotional costs of this are clear; women with negative body images are more prone to depression, anxiety, and the development of eating disorders.

Given that our body image is so core to our self-identity, it makes sense that it would predict elements of our sexuality. When we feel strong and connected to our bodies, we are more likely to feel sexual. When we are self-blaming and critical, we detach from our bodies, and our sexual desire diminishes.

The fact that body image and sexual desire are so closely linked is also relevant to our relationships. When body dissatisfaction diminishes one partner’s level of desire, it can be hard for the other not to take it personally. A cycle of guilt and blame can erupt, placing further strain on the relationship.

Ironically, sex is an excellent mitigator of stress. It helps alleviate tension that otherwise prevents connection. Research shows that couples who have sex once a week or more tend to be happier than couples who don’t. By crushing desire, negative body image weakens something critical for intimacy.

How we feel about ourselves overall also plays a large role in our reported feelings of sexual attraction to our partner. Sometimes a lack of desire for our partner is less about our partner’s shortcomings and more about the negative relationship we have with ourselves. For this reason, we tend to feel the most sexual and attracted to our partners when we feel confident, happy, and connected to our bodies.

The Current Study

To shed further light on the link between body image and sexual desire, the authors of a recently published study (Cedro et al., 2022) measured how changes in people’s body image during the lockdown over Covid correlated with their feelings of sexual desire and arousal.

Unsurprisingly, many subjects in the study experienced a decline in body image during the lockdown. For many, eating and drinking alcohol became primary sources of pleasure and a means of dealing with boredom and stress. With gyms and other recreational activities closed, exercise and movement became less possible. This confluence of factors led to at least a perceived decline in the attractiveness of one’s body for many, resulting in a progressively more negative body image.

The authors found that the decline in body image during lockdown correlated with worsening sexual arousal difficulties and increased sexual anxiety, particularly among women. The more dissatisfied a woman became with her body, the more her body image worsened, as did her desire and ability to enjoy sex.

Cedro et al. (2022) also looked at brain images of their subjects. They found that declining body image correlated with increased firing in the amygdala and the anterior cingulate cortex, both of which are considered the emotion centers of the brain.

Among women, this activation showed up primarily as fear and anxiety, suggesting that negative body image doesn’t just impact women cognitively – it hits at their deepest emotions, too.

Body Image Essential Reads

The Perils of Looksmaxxing for Young Men

Men and Body Image: The Hidden Struggle

The relationship between body image and a person’s ability to desire and enjoy sex can partly be explained by the extent to which that person can engage in sexual mindfulness. Research shows that when we are happy with our bodies, we tend to be less self-conscious of them.

As a result, we have an easier time ‘being in the moment’ during sex. We pay attention to the feelings and sensations in our bodies. We have the mental capacity to stay attuned to our partner’s sexual cues. We allow sex to unfold in a way that follows and responds to what our body is feeling and enjoying.

When we feel poorly about our bodies, the opposite occurs. Instead of being in the moment, we watch ourselves from a third-party perspective in a phenomenon termed “spectatoring” by sex researchers Masters and Johnson. We judge, and we criticize ourselves. This occupies a lot of headspace, making it difficult to recognize our partner’s sexual cues. As a result, we feel disconnected, lonely, and empty.

Notably, the results of the Cedro et al. (2022) study applied primarily to women, which can be largely attributed to socio-cultural factors. Women tend to be socialized to perceive a strong connection between their success and physical appearance. Research shows that a woman’s feelings about her own body image are usually more predictive of her mental health compared to a man’s.

The finding that a poor body image results in the deterioration of sexual desire and enjoyment of sex, especially among women, aligns with these findings.