Are You Truly Self-Aware or Just Self-Critical?

There’s something I’ve noticed in both myself and many others: We can often name our “growth areas” with lightning speed. Ask anyone where they think they need to improve, personally or professionally, and they’ve got a list ready to go. But ask someone to name five strengths? There’s often a pause. Sometimes even a struggle.

Somewhere along the way, it seems self-awareness became synonymous with knowing where we fall short. But if we’re only tuned into our shortcomings, growth points, and faults, are we truly self-aware?

The reality is that true self-awareness isn’t just about spotting weaknesses and tallying up our faults. It’s about seeing the whole picture. The parts that still need work and the parts that are already working beautifully. Our growth points and our skills. Our mistakes and our wins.

I think if all we notice are the things that are going wrong, where we dropped the ball, or where we need to level up, we’re actually being unkind to ourselves. We do ourselves a disservice when we fail to acknowledge how far we’ve come, what we’re doing right, and what’s already going well.

What We Forget to Notice

It can be easy to get caught in a spiral of self-critique and pinpoint everything that needs fixing. I have been that person who could rattle off a list of my flaws and my own areas of improvement, but had a much harder time celebrating the ways I’m already enough and what’s already steady and going right.

From an evolutionary perspective, we’re hardwired to focus on the negative. We’ve evolved to naturally pay more attention to negative events and experiences than positive ones. This negativity bias helped our ancestors survive by keeping them alert to threats and danger. But today, it can limit our ability to notice and appreciate the good in our lives and about ourselves.

There is also enormous pressure that exists today that we always need to be learning, growing, and improving. This constant pursuit of self-improvement can keep us stuck in a cycle of never feeling like we’re enough. Of course, it’s important that we learn, grow, and improve, but if we’re always in this place of trying to do better and looking for what we need to fix, where do we celebrate being enough right now?

The finish lines just keep getting moved further and further away. The bar keeps getting higher and higher. And it can turn moments of reflection into relentless self-criticism.

A helpful antidote is to slow down and check in honestly with yourself. Create space to reflect—not to judge, but to notice. Unpack your days in a way that lets you see the full picture, not just the problem spots.

Seeing Yourself Clearly and Kindly

Here’s my gentle invitation for you:

Turn inward with intention. Recognize that your mind may gravitate towards what's not going well. When that happens, gently shift your focus to what is. Bring attention to the positives.

Instead of only asking, “What needs work?”, also try asking:

• What’s going well?
• Am I navigating this better than I would have a year ago? A month ago? A week ago?
• What are the top two things I did today that I’m really proud of myself for?
• What’s one strength I’ve shown up with this week?
• What’s one win (big or small) that deserves recognition?
• What progress might get overlooked if I don’t take a moment to pause and celebrate it?

At first, it may feel a bit unfamiliar and uncomfortable. With practice, you’ll start to build new mental pathways and train the brain to be on the lookout for them. When you give as much attention to what’s working and going well as you do to what’s not, you invite more hope, momentum, and self-compassion.

Final Thoughts

You might not be exactly where you want to be in every life area, and that’s okay. What matters is meeting yourself with honesty and kindness and choosing to notice what’s already going well, even as you keep working on the rest, even in the messy middle.