The Essential Role of Self-Care for Parents and Supporters

As parents and supporters juggling countless competing demands, it can feel hard to find the time, energy, or resources to be able to look after ourselves. But our well-being isn’t just about us—it directly impacts the children who look to us for stability and support.

When children experience challenge, hardship, or trauma, they often look to their primary caregiver for stability. If that caregiver is visibly coping well, the child is more likely to feel safe and resilient. According to Dr. Philip Fisher, an academic expert in child development, “The presence of a supportive, consistent and protective primary caregiver—especially when the underlying stress systems are activated—is the factor that makes the biggest difference in healthy development” (Weir, 2017).

Rather than solely equipping children with tools and coping strategies to navigate life’s inevitable ups and downs, it is also important for us as caregivers to direct our efforts towards prioritizing our own well-being. When we care for ourselves, we strengthen our ability to show up more present, regulated, and well-resourced to handle whatever comes our way.

Reframing Self-Care

Many of us have been conditioned to think that self-care is a luxury, a “nice to have,” or something we’ll get to later—once everything and everyone else has been taken care of. Yet between parenthood, careers, and personal aspirations, waiting for the perfect time to prioritize self-care means it may never come. On top of that, feelings of guilt often creep in when it comes to self-care.

We might believe that we should be doing something more productive or worry that prioritizing our needs makes us seem neglectful. But the truth is, we cannot pour from an empty cup. Self-care isn’t selfish or indulgent; it’s a necessity for being able to maintain resilience and support those we care about.

What Self-Care Looks Like

Self-care looks different for everyone. Your self-care will also evolve with the different seasons of parenting. What feels restorative for you when your child is a toddler may look different from what you need when they are an adolescent.

Moments of self-care don’t have to be grand to make a meaningful difference. I’m not talking about the extravagant retreats or time-consuming wellness routines. It’s about finding small, sustainable ways to tend to your body, head, and heart—day to day, moment to moment. It’s about discovering the things that support your physical, mental, and emotional well-being and fill your cup back up.

It could be a quiet moment in the morning with your coffee, a conversation with a friend who truly gets you, or a non-negotiable walk each day. It could be as simple as taking a few deep breaths, listening to your favorite song, or stepping outside for fresh air. While these moments may seem small, they add up in powerful ways.

Self-Care and Resilience

Self-care practices help us build our capacity for resilience. Resiliency doesn’t mean we’re unaffected by emotions, stress, or hardship; it means that we have the capacity to do hard things, recover from setbacks, and maintain a sense of well-being despite life’s demands. It’s what allows us to feel OK, even when things are difficult.

In my work, I talk about the practice of everyday resiliency because it’s the small decisions we make each day that prepare us to meet life’s challenges and show up for those who rely on us.

Here are a few ways that prioritizing self-care as parents and supporters helps build children’s resilience:

• Positive modeling: Children watch and learn from our words, actions, and behaviors. When we model healthy habits, manage our stress in a positive way, and prioritize our own needs, we show them that caring for ourselves matters. Having conversations about self-care also helps children develop their own tools for coping with challenges.
• Emotional regulation: When we have awareness of our emotions and the ability to manage them, we are better able to respond to the needs and emotions of our children.
• Stronger relationships: When we take care of ourselves, we have more patience, energy, and emotional capacity to nurture strong, connected relationships with our children.
• Reduced burnout: If we are constantly depleted and neglecting our own needs, it becomes harder to show up in the way our children need us to. Self-care practices can help prevent and minimize the blast radius of burnout.

Making Self-Care a Habit

The reality is that most of us will naturally have an easier time implementing self-care practices when things are going well. The challenge is to maintain those practices when life gets busy and feels overwhelming. It is an ongoing commitment that requires active maintenance.

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Here are some gentle invitations to consider when building self-care into your routine:

Give yourself permission to shine the care and compassion inward: You likely find yourself frequently extending compassion to others—offer that same kindness and empathy to yourself.

Start small: Simple, consistent practices can make a remarkable difference. Even a five-minute reset can help you step into the next part of your day feeling more grounded and engaged.

Find what works for you: Choose practices that feel restorative, enjoyable, and realistic for the season of life you’re in.

Schedule it: Block time for self-care in your calendar. Communicate your needs with your partner and loved ones.

Tending to our own well-being isn’t selfish—it’s a worthwhile investment in ourselves that not only strengthens our own resilience but also creates a ripple effect that benefits those around us.

Final Thoughts

We are replaceable in every position, role, or job we will ever have, except for a few sacred relationships. The goal is to protect the relationships we are entrusted with—including the one with ourselves. Self-care won’t make hard times disappear, nor will it solve every problem, but it will help us show up with the presence, patience, energy, and compassion required to care for those who need us most.

I often hear people say they would do anything for their kids—that they’d even be willing to die for them. My question for you is, are you willing to live for them? Are you willing to prioritize your health and well-being and take care of your needs, too? Ultimately, choosing to look after yourself is how you ensure you can continue showing up for the people depending on you—and that, my friends, is a beautiful gift.