The Five Pillars of Everyday Resiliency

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Resiliency is the ability to bounce back and recover from a setback or difficult experience. It is how we dust ourselves off and get back up when we fall. At its core, resiliency is seeing ourselves as capable of doing hard things and holding the steadfast belief that we can and will navigate the hard parts of our lives, no matter what.

Many liken resiliency to grit, mental toughness, or the idea that resilient people are superhuman in some way. Yet, in my work with people from all around the world—people with diverse experiences and the most remarkable stories—what I’ve come to understand is that resiliency is not only reserved for the mentally tough, the strong, or the fearless. Every one of us has the capacity for resiliency.

The reality is that everyday life is hard, unpredictable, and uncertain. At any moment, life can throw us a curveball we didn’t see coming. We are all carrying something—whether it’s from our past or something we’re living through right now—and we need to be able to persist, adapt, and adjust so that we aren’t derailed from what matters.

As I wrote in my book Calm Within the Storm: A Pathway to Everyday Resiliency:

“The ultimate goal of everyday resiliency is to foster a deep and personal sense of being okay, no matter what. I want you to discover that what you already have in your head and heart makes you capable of meeting any obstacle and rising to any challenge.”

We need to know that things are going to be okay. We need to trust that we can navigate not only the basic parts of our lives but also the hardest seasons.

Everyday Resiliency

My approach emphasizes that it’s the small decisions we make each day that set us up to be able to do the extraordinary.

My framework of Everyday Resiliency is made up of five core competencies that support people’s capacity for resiliency. These five interconnected pillars establish our baseline for navigating stress, challenge, change, uncertainty, and all the things we must carry in life. They are: Belonging, Perspective, Acceptance, Hope, and Humour.

Belonging

The most important thing for people to feel is that they belong. Whether it’s within a family system, organization, or company, a sense of community is essential. We thrive when we have a home team—when we know we’re not in this alone. The size of the group isn’t important. What matters is that we feel seen, heard, and supported by at least one other person.

Perspective

Our outlook has a profound impact on our ability to move through challenges. It is made up of a combination of attitudes, emotions, and mindsets that help us interpret our world. Perspective is having this beautiful alignment between our head and our heart to be able to make what matters most, matter most. Our perspective grows with our lived experience—the more experiences we have, the deeper our perspective becomes.

Acceptance

Acceptance is about deciphering what is within our control and what is outside of it. It’s about working with the reality we’ve been given, rather than resisting it. It doesn’t mean “getting over” or even liking what we’re experiencing. Instead, it involves making a daily decision to co-exist with the things beyond our control. When we can step back from and accept a challenge or hardship, and shift from asking the “why” questions to the action-oriented “how” and “what” questions, we can start to build momentum and take positive steps forward.

Hope

It is human nature to look for threats in any given situation. However, when we allow fear, regret, or anticipatory anxiety to prevail, we deplete our capacity to perform at an optimal level. By choosing to be hope-filled and believing in our ability to excel, we have greater power to achieve our goals and bounce back from setbacks or disappointments. We need to believe that things can improve and that positive outcomes are possible. Hope is more than optimism; it is holding this deep trust that better days are ahead.

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Humour

Humour is the wild card of Everyday Resiliency. It is the capacity to recognize and appreciate moments of joy, wonder, and merriment, even in the most difficult of situations and seasons. Laughter serves a biological purpose, as it releases natural tranquilizers in the brain that temporarily block pain receptors and offer a moment of reprieve. Embracing small moments of lightheartedness helps us to shift perspective and reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously.

Final Thoughts

Life will inevitably present us with challenges, and these five pillars—Belonging, Perspective, Acceptance, Hope, and Humour—are how we can build our capacity for resiliency and show up in the hard parts of our lives.

I believe that every one of us is doing the best we can with the tools, energy, resources, and knowledge available to us today. And that is enough. It isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about doing the next right thing.

This is a tender reminder that what you need already lies within you. Resiliency is available to you in this very moment. Instead of thinking of resiliency as getting stronger, tougher, grittier, or being less impacted by emotions and experiences, my invitation is for you to think about resiliency as being able to be okay.

Whatever comes your way, trust that you will find a way through. You can do hard things, and come what may, you will be okay.