Emotional Sobriety

Being present to our emotional world in mind-body and spirit

Trauma
What Is Trauma-Bonding?

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on September 16, 2021

A Personal Perspective: When "knowing better" didn't bring relief, I learned how the nervous system could be wired for unhealthy attachments.

A Personal Perspective: When "knowing better" didn't bring relief, I learned how the nervous system could be wired for unhealthy attachments.

Trauma
What Is Complex PTSD?

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on August 27, 2021

I always knew I had trauma in a colloquial sense. But I didn’t think it was "real trauma." Now, I know better.

I always knew I had trauma in a colloquial sense. But I didn’t think it was "real trauma." Now, I know better.

Sociopathy
The Homing Pigeon

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on November 18, 2019

As a psychologist, I might have “known better” than to date a true sociopath. But that was part of the appeal—thinking I could win a game designed to devour me.

As a psychologist, I might have “known better” than to date a true sociopath. But that was part of the appeal—thinking I could win a game designed to devour me.

Spirituality
Stop the Self-Diagnosis

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on December 13, 2013

I assure you, most people have binge watched a TV-show when they could have been at the gym. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be more active, but diagnosing ourselves as deficient when we don’t hit the mark isn’t helping matters. And it’s just not true (and it’s just not kind).

I assure you, most people have binge watched a TV-show when they could have been at the gym. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be more active, but diagnosing ourselves as deficient when we don’t hit the mark isn’t helping matters. And it’s just not true (and it’s just not kind).

Addiction
Cake Drunk

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on August 9, 2013

I’ve always said that the reason I’ve never tried a Krispy Kreme donut is the same reason that I have never tried cocaine - either way I’m sure to wake up three days later in a daze with white powder all over my face, wondering what the hell’s just happened. My name is Ruthie, and I’m a cake drunk.

I’ve always said that the reason I’ve never tried a Krispy Kreme donut is the same reason that I have never tried cocaine - either way I’m sure to wake up three days later in a daze with white powder all over my face, wondering what the hell’s just happened. My name is Ruthie, and I’m a cake drunk.

Spirituality
Turning It Over

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on May 13, 2013

The essence of Step 3 is to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him. In short, we are asked to “turn it over.” This begs the question, “what exactly am I turning over?” And the subtext, “what are my opinions and preferences about how I would like things to go?”

The essence of Step 3 is to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him. In short, we are asked to “turn it over.” This begs the question, “what exactly am I turning over?” And the subtext, “what are my opinions and preferences about how I would like things to go?”

Spirituality
Becoming Integrated

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on February 13, 2013

How do you hold on to who you are, who you are becoming and where you are headed in the midst of incredible uncertainty?

How do you hold on to who you are, who you are becoming and where you are headed in the midst of incredible uncertainty?

Happiness
Compare and Despair

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on December 2, 2012

We can get swept up in comparisons, looking at other’s lives from the outside and wondering why we aren’t fortunate enough to live such a rich existence. We can compare ourselves to our own desires, believing that if we were “better” we might find happiness in our dreams coming true. How do we stop the comparing and despairing to discover happiness in the present?

We can get swept up in comparisons, looking at other’s lives from the outside and wondering why we aren’t fortunate enough to live such a rich existence. We can compare ourselves to our own desires, believing that if we were “better” we might find happiness in our dreams coming true. How do we stop the comparing and despairing to discover happiness in the present?

Fantasies
Being Present

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on November 18, 2012

There is often so much clutter standing in the way of the present moment. Although the clutter is in fact happening in the present, and could be defined as “present,” in a spiritual context—the present actually resides underneath the clutter. It’s likened to the clear water that exists beneath the thin layer of scum on the surface of the pond.

There is often so much clutter standing in the way of the present moment. Although the clutter is in fact happening in the present, and could be defined as “present,” in a spiritual context—the present actually resides underneath the clutter. It’s likened to the clear water that exists beneath the thin layer of scum on the surface of the pond.

Spirituality
Are You the Villain or Victor of Your Life?

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on September 16, 2012

So many times, when we want our lives to change, we only want things on the outside to change. But for real change to occur, we have to change. The obstacles are vehicles for change. They are necessary. They are perfect. They are not signals that you're doing something wrong, they are actually stepping-stones to your own freedom.

So many times, when we want our lives to change, we only want things on the outside to change. But for real change to occur, we have to change. The obstacles are vehicles for change. They are necessary. They are perfect. They are not signals that you're doing something wrong, they are actually stepping-stones to your own freedom.

Fear
The Illusion of Control

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on August 8, 2012

No matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that we shouldn’t be having a particular response—it doesn’t remove the underlying emotional experience. What it does create is a large gap between what you are telling yourself and what you are actually feeling. The dissonance between the two creates so much tension that we often end up acting in self-destructive ways.

No matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that we shouldn’t be having a particular response—it doesn’t remove the underlying emotional experience. What it does create is a large gap between what you are telling yourself and what you are actually feeling. The dissonance between the two creates so much tension that we often end up acting in self-destructive ways.

Dreaming
The Secret to Serenity

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on May 18, 2012

There’s a saying that our serenity is inversely proportional to our expectations. In other words, the extent of our entitlement or need for things to look a certain way determines the extent of our unhappiness. This makes sense for the simple fact that when we focus on what we don’t have, we feel distraught and disappointed.

There’s a saying that our serenity is inversely proportional to our expectations. In other words, the extent of our entitlement or need for things to look a certain way determines the extent of our unhappiness. This makes sense for the simple fact that when we focus on what we don’t have, we feel distraught and disappointed.

Spirituality
Being Open

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on May 4, 2012

Opening up to life and all it has to offer, without opportunities and adventures getting trampled on by fears of the unknown or what we think we know.

Opening up to life and all it has to offer, without opportunities and adventures getting trampled on by fears of the unknown or what we think we know.

Authenticity
Authenticity Unplugged

Ingrid Clayton Ph.D. on February 5, 2012

Can you remember a distinct, personal and private moment from your past? One where you felt connected to yourself, your purpose, or your essential nature?

Can you remember a distinct, personal and private moment from your past? One where you felt connected to yourself, your purpose, or your essential nature?

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November 2025
Healing Family Splits

Cut-offs cut deep and wide, their emotional impact reverberating far beyond the combatants. Because much of the suffering is hidden, repair is challenging for everyone, not least of all therapists.

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