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When couples argue (which is inevitable) they usually end up going into separate spaces for awhile either during or after the disagreement. They do this because it allows for a cooling off period and a chance to rebalance and actually miss the contact with their partner. This all makes sense, but I can't help but wonder if the guy in the garage and the woman in the kitchen doesn't create more pain.
Arguments happen because we aren't on the same page as our partner. Hey, that's life and people think differently about some things; so be it. That's really not the issue. The real problems begin when we use those differences to create too much space in the relationship. This happens because neither party wants to confront or be confronted. It also happens because couples who argue more than twenty percent of the time find it difficult to coexist. Relationships can't really endure more than twenty percent discord. In order to keep it together, an arguing couple will try to find separate tasks to busy themselves with, separate areas in the house to occupy (so they don't have to be reminded that there's trouble a-brewin'), separate friends so they can talk about how upset they are. All of which can lead to an actual separation because they are already living separate lives so it doesn't seem like such a huge change.
And all this starts because one or the other (or both) want to avoid being in the same room as their partner so they don’t have to confront or be confronted.
So here's a novel approach to avoid all this painful behavior. The next time you argue, after the argument, instead of going to play golf or visit friends why not hang out together. Go shopping, to a movie (which is a good way to avoid communicating before you're ready) or go out for ice cream. What you choose to do as an activity isn't important, it's being together and letting the issue resolve while you're in the reconnecting process.
Being with someone who has ruffled your feathers is not the easiest thing in the world, but I think you will find that it makes the pain disperse faster and leads to relationship building dynamics like laughing together and remembering what it is you like/love about the person you're with.
Perhaps one of the most difficult things to do after an argument is to hug one another. It is also one of the most important, even if you don't feel like it. Especially if you don't feel like it. What the hug does is jump-start the reconnection process and if you don't think you have a hug in you just do it anyway. You'll actually feel the connection start to rebuild and then as you hang out together it will be easier to let the bad vibes go and become a couple again.
Letting arguments escalate is a bad idea and it's really uncomfortable for everyone. So suck up your anger, check yourself out and see if you aren't acting like a child and extend yourself to your partner. Being a solo act is lonely and doesn't really allow you to reconnect as a duet, spending time together after a discord will create harmony, and you can once again make beautiful music together.
