Skip to main content

Verified by Psychology Today


7 Tips For Dealing With The End Of A Friendship

The truth is, most friendships don’t last forever.

The truth is, most friendships don’t last forever. Ending a long-term friendship is usually sad for the people involved, but when the friendship ends over a betrayal, the initial trigger may also be anger. You may feel hurt and wronged. Here are some tips for getting through this phase.

  1. You probably lost more than a friend. Friendships mostly fall apart over money. If this happened, get real with the fact that it cost you more than your time, but also work on seeing that getting rid of a toxic person from your life is priceless.
  2. The memories of what you shared are now tainted. It’s hard to enjoy the memory of great times when the person you shared those moments with turned out to be a user, and this can lead to some serious confusion. You can remind yourself that you got to enjoy the concert even though your friend stiffed you for the ticket. Even better, do new things with people you love and trust to create new memories.
  3. Then there’s the heartache. Unavoidable, uncomfortable, and unconscious, these feelings will be around you longer than you would like. You can’t avoid them, but talking and writing about feelings is one of the best ways to heal your pain.
  4. Trusting again may be difficult for a while. When an old friend betrays you, you can’t really replace what you’ve lost, so don’t simply look for someone to fill the gap. It takes time to build a real friendship, and hopefully, you have a couple of candidates. If not, then turn to those closest to you. Even if you’re on the outs with family members at the moment, most families are there for you, no matter what.
  5. If you were Facebook friends, you can choose to unfriend or to just unfollow the person. If you do the latter, you can still look at each other’s pages. If you unfriend and/or block your ex-friend, then you are truly disconnecting. Some people consider this a huge insult, but in truth, you are simply backing away from the toxic energy.
  6. If the situation gets turned around on you, see what’s happening clearly. Many people are skilled at shifting blame back on to you. It’s a very common practice. Others may actually believe you are at fault and take no responsibility for their own actions. If you look back over the friendship, you will probably recognize a pattern.
  7. Don’t beat yourself up because you didn’t see it coming; you were manipulated by someone you loved. When you trust someone, it’s normal to be open, to share your life, and even your money if your friend is in need. It’s easy to get burned.

Remember who you are, a loving and trusting person who got used by someone you let into your heart (and maybe your home). The best answer I can give you is that, although it really hurts, you are better off without a user and abuser in your life. Better to take the great energy you have and put it into something and someone new.

More from Barton Goldsmith Ph.D.
More from Psychology Today