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How to Savor the Moment - In Life and Love

It makes you so much closer

Every now and then an opportunity arises that would both be wonderfully romantic and create a great memory. Sometimes we push aside these opportunities because work and life may seem overwhelming and seizing the romantic moment can be daunting. I suggest you think twice before letting a beautiful experience vanish. Here's why:

As we look back on our lives we connect the years through significant events. Creating a wonderful memory is a marker for your lives as a couple and family. These markers become touchstones for our psyches as we mature and time spent just thinking about our shared experiences brings a smile to our face and our hearts.

Some of these events evolve from memories to rituals, further strengthening the tie that binds you together. Many couples are actually unaware of how their little daily rituals make them a stronger couple. I know of one woman who stated that when times were tough it was the fact that her husband brought her coffee in bed every morning that made her hang in there and gave her the willingness to eventually work through her issues.

Another couple I observed had a cute ritual moment; when either of them had an itchy nose, one or the other commented that it meant he or she was going to be "kissed by a fool" and they would kiss each other. It may seem silly, but it's the little things that create a big connection.

Now don't go thinking that your relationship isn't good because you don't have any obvious rituals yet or think you haven't created any significant memories; these things take time, and many of them are subtle. You most likely have little things that you say and do together and big ones that you have done, that just haven't been recognized as such. Spend a little time observing yourself and your partner and talk about the most important moments you have had.

Another good and very simple tool is to make a life/relationship map. To do this, take a large sheet of paper and draw a horizontal line all the way across it. Put a vertical line at the front, this signifies when you first met and then make lines along the paper, which indicate the important moments of your life together. Most couples who engage in this exercise during therapy find that they have many more memories than they realized and the exercise itself (which also counts) helps them see how important their time together really is.

Wonderful memories and special moments are the stuff of live that inspires artists to paint and singers to write love songs. These times are important to relationships because they not only let us know that where we have been is nice, but they also tell us that where we are going could be even nicer.

So the next time you take a vacation, or even just a little get away, the idea that you are creating memories together will make the adventure a little bit sweeter. And when you return from work and say "Hi honey, I'm home," know that this is one of the little rituals that speaks to your heart and says, "This is the person I belong with, and we are creating memories—together."