10 Proven Ways to Make Love Last
Remember what brought you together and don't forget to snuggle.
Posted April 13, 2015
Having a successful, long-lasting relationship isn’t rocket science. By being loving and supportive, you can keep your foundation strong and build your dreams for the future. Here are some ways to make that happen:
1. Be nice to each other. For the vast majority of couples that come to see me, this is their first homework assignment, and it almost always helps in a significant way. If you’ve been at odds with each other, you have probably stopped doing nice things for one another. Keep opening doors, making nice meals, and saying, “I love you.”
2. Find little things to do that make your partner smile. I call it "the Scavenger Hunt": Every day, I look for something to make my partner smile. It can be a key chain, a flower, or even a good quote—just something to make her know that I’ve been thinking about her and hold her close to my heart.
3. Let go of the little things that bug you. Remind yourself that those behaviors do not take away from your relationship and let your resentment go. A conversation may be needed, but it can be kept light, and most little things really can be fixed. For example, if your mate likes the TV louder than you do, get a pair of wireless headphones. You will both be happier (and the sound is actually much better).
4. Never argue in front of the kids. The greatest gift parents can give their children is to have a good relationship with each other. When you argue, your children can become anxious about what will happen to the family—and to them. Also, never use the D word (divorce) in front of them; it is far too threatening and toxic.
5. Look for the good things that your mate does. Some people go on a detective- like search for things that their partners do wrong, maybe because they want some ammo for the next time they have an issue to argue about, but telling your mate what he or she is doing right may well prevent that other issue from ever coming up.
6. Never blame, shame, or complain. It’s easy to point fingers and voice your disappointment, but before you do, ask yourself: How will what you are about to say make your partner feel? And, will it make things better? A much more effective approach is to tell your mate you’d really like it if he or she did some things in a different way, and offer some solid examples—in a nice way.
7. Leave love notes. When I reach into my pocket and find a piece of paper that says “Love you,” it brightens my day, and I feel better about my life. Reminding your partner of your unwavering affection is very powerful and will provide the lift he or she needs to get through another day at the office or taking care of the family.
8. Cuddle often. Going to bed together, holding hands, and snuggling on the sofa are just a few of the ways you can physically connect, and all of these will help to deepen your emotional bond. If your partner wants to go to bed early, and you still want to stay up, lie down together until your mate falls asleep, and then you can get back up and do whatever you wanted to do.
9. Have dinner as a family whenever possible. Again, this is one of the best ways to help your kids become good adults, and it brings everyone closer. But having a romantic dinner on other select nights for just the two of you is also a must.
10. Trust that you are with the right person. When you doubt that the person you are with is right for you, you will be unable to put the right kind of energy into the relationship. Even if you’ve hit a rough patch, seeing that you chose wisely will make resolving issues easier and life as a couple more enjoyable.