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Never in our history have we had a greater capacity to connect with others. So why are rates of depression and feelings of loneliness more prevalent than ever for teens?
Adolescents and young adults continue to push for the elusive goal of perfection in all areas of their lives. When it comes to love, perhaps it is unsurprising that young adults and teens are striving for perfection in this area too. This demographic tends to overemphasize the importance of appearing romantic, and remain steadfastly idealistic (94% of this population continue to believe blindly in the unachievable perfection of an “ideal” love.) Even though many teenagers maintain a fairy-tale view of what love should be, they seem to have difficulty not only finding “true love,” but also sustaining it.
Adolescents' tendencies to hyper focus on appearance are now being further exacerbated by a reliance on social media. This reminded me of the powerful allegory—Plato’s parable of the cave (Republic, Book VII, 514a – 520a). Unfamiliar with it? Watch a quick TED video on it here or simply read on for a simplified and succinct rendition.
Parable of the cave: There are three prisoners who have been chained up in a dark cave for their whole lives and can only see what is in front of them. Shadows are projected in their field of vision, which are all they can see. They assume that the shadows are reality. One prisoner is released and is able to turn around and see the cave from all directions (including the light source of the shadows). He is then led outside into the sunlight. Initially, the new concept of reality is shocking and difficult to adjust to. Struggling, he is tempted to gravitate towards the shadows and what is familiar. As he becomes more accustomed to the light, he begins to accommodate the other information and take in the larger reality, power, and beauty of the world around him. Upon returning to the cave to tell his friends about the reality he has discovered, he finds the refuse to believe him.
Despite being written in 540 BC, the parable of the cave is quite relevant when thinking about social media. The story reminds us how often we are trapped by the immediacy and superficiality of the projections or shadows of social media. The cave represents our withdrawal from the real world and our entrapment by social media. The prisoner's chains represent the ignorance we choose to maintain by blindly believing in the un-truths we see online. Finally the shadows represent the illusions of “perfection,” and for our discussion, those of “perfect” relationships.
Adolescents and young adults today are a generation obsessed with both perfection and appearing authentic, and yet many haven't lived beyond the cave of social media and continue to fruitlessly chase a hollow reality of shadows. To be fair, the quest for perfection is so alluring and powerful, it's also difficult for adults to separate the shadows from reality. As parents, we can work harder to lead by example.
So here are three helpful tips that can be employed to help your teen see beyond the shadows when it comes to romantic relationships.
1. Stop hiding behind the shadows. Spend less time curating your relationship on social media.
Choose to have more real-time interactions and spend less time interacting through technology. Often teens depend on social media when they want to connect since it offers them an immediate way to receive feedback. Keep in mind that connecting within the shadows of social media can provide a false sense of intimacy. Instead, take the time to connect via voice-call or have in-vivo social interactions. Though it isn't as easy or convenient, this type of connecting can be more rewarding, enriching, and meaningful.
2. Turn to face the light. Step away from the cave and into the light. Find your truth and surround yourself with similar people.
Do the hard work and strive to find the best you, the real you, not the curated you. This is not to be confused with being self-centered and without concern for others. Relationships require teamwork and honesty. The truth can be harsh and at times difficult to tolerate. When in a relationship, accommodate your partners feelings and be sure to use your "edit button" (he or she might still be in the cave). Soften certain blows and always come from a place of kindness and support.
In an unhealthy relationship, the focus is instead placed on ones own personal satisfaction, which is not only narcissistic and egotistical, but also makes it impossible for a healthy relationship to flourish. Make sure to pay attention not only to your needs but to those of your partner as well. You both play a central role in your relationship and need to compromise regularly to maintain a healthy balance.
3. Let go of the shadow. Embrace imperfection.
In order to build a healthy and sustainable relationship you need break free from the chains of ignorance and learn to embrace imperfection. Sometimes a relationship is not going to be romantic or perfect, your partner will make mistakes, as will you... and that is ok!
Remember, perfection is an illusion and a powerful obstacle to your sustainable, meaningful, and happy relationship—and isn't that what we are all looking for?
#beyondtheshadows #socialmedialove #socialmedia #facebookofficial #relationshipredpill
