Dreaming
Talking About Dreams
If you follow a few principles, dream-sharing can be fun and enlightening.
Posted April 2, 2020
Humans have been sharing dreams with each other for millennia.
Some of the earliest written texts in Ancient China, Egypt, and Greece are collections of dream symbols and their traditional meanings. Indigenous cultures all over the world have practices of discussing dreams in family gatherings, village councils, and ritual ceremonies. Talking about dreams with other people has always been a natural, normal part of human community life.
Today, you may find yourself with more time to sleep, and to dream, than usual, perhaps the most since your childhood. You may also find yourself having more phone and video conversations with family and friends than ever before, and maybe trying to think of new topics to discuss. These are perfect conditions for sharing dreams or at least giving it a try. Not everyone will be interested, but many people will likely take you up on the suggestion.
To be clear: Dream-sharing is not an equivalent for psychotherapy. Fortunately, it isn’t difficult to discuss dreams responsibly in a non-therapeutic framework. The following principles offer a simple map for safely and enjoyably sharing dreams with others.
Respect the dreamer. Let the dreamer set the pace of the discussion. Be sensitive to how the dreamer is experiencing the conversation, and when it feels right to end it.
Maintain confidentiality. Make sure you let the dreamer know you will preserve the privacy of whatever you discuss. Ask the same when the time comes for you to share your dreams.
Listen well; don’t interpret. The most important thing you can do for the dreamer is to listen—closely, carefully, sympathetically. Avoid the impulse to analyze or explain the dream. Think of it as exploring a work of art, not solving a puzzle.
Take your time. There’s no rush. Go ahead and digress, follow tangents, linger over obscure details. Let curiosity be your guide.
“If it were my dream…” You don’t know what the dream means to the dreamer. But you do know how that person’s dream feels to you, in your imagination. Whenever someone shares a dream with us, we form an imagined version of it in our own minds, which then stimulates ideas and insights about possible meanings. That’s a valuable process if we’re open and honest about its roots in our own imaginations.
As Jeremy Taylor taught, the best practice here is to preface your comments about possible meanings with the phrase, “If it were my dream….” By saying that, you clearly signal to the dreamer that you are not trying to impose your feelings on them. You give them a respectful space in which to think about your comment, which may be off-point or may be quite relevant and helpful. Ultimately, only the dreamer can make that judgment.
Have fun! Dreaming is playful, imaginative, creative, and often quite absurd. Dreams can bring light and levity to times of darkness and gloom. Try looking for the most bizarre and outlandish elements in your dreams, the most comic scenes, the most ridiculous moments, and just have a good shared laugh about them.
A final thought: You may find that your dreaming becomes more lively and dynamic when you know each night when you go to sleep that if you have a dream, there’s someone with whom you can share it when you wake up. You’re not just dreaming for yourself anymore.