As an older dad, I hear this a lot, "Well, they'll keep you young." It may be that people who encounter older dads don't know anything else (polite) to say. The thing is, the psychology of action and goal pursuit would indicate that they might be right. We're only as old as our life tasks.
It's ironic that the author of the "Don't Delay" blog is a dinosaur daddy. My daughter was born when I was 49; my son just a few weeks before I turned 52. Procrastination? Not at all. Certainly it's delay, but it wasn't an irrational, voluntary delay on my part. It's just the way life worked out. In any case, here I am, an older father deeply engaged in this new chapter in my life.
Of course, kids can't really keep me young, not literally. First of all, it's too late for that! Second, we can't stop chronological aging. Maybe there's another way to think of age that might make sense of this statement. One alternative is to think about age in terms of what we're doing.
Aging: A life-span developmental perspective
What we're doing in our lives can be characterized in a number of ways, and has been over the years by different researchers. Units of analysis for research have included things such as our: current concerns, personal projects, personal strivings and life tasks. What each of these terms represents is the "doings" of our lives. They capture us at a level of analysis that makes a lot of sense. Rather than broad traits (e.g., extravert), these units of analysis portray personality embedded in the context of our lives. What I'm doing says a lot about my personality and my situation.
For example, when we ask people to generate a list of personal projects in their lives at the moment, we get something like this: finish that report, stop slouching so much, pick up a birthday gift for my wife, set up a lunch date with Fraser, lose 10 pounds, tidy the laundry room, be more patient, sort out the meaning of my life, buy some dog food.
It's pretty obvious that these projects do capture everything from the mundane daily activities of our day-to-day lives as well as our life-long pursuits and goals. The thing is, not all of these are as freely chosen as they may seem.
Life tasks
Nancy Cantor coined the term "life tasks" for our tasks, goals, activities, or projects that are part of what we might think are prescribed for us by where we are in our lives. These life tasks are part of our development.
For example, young adults headed to their first year of college face a number of life tasks in common such as making new friends, sorting out their identity, identifying a vocation. A similar profile of life tasks might be identified for any stage in our lives developmentally. Erik Erikson was one developmental psychologist who defined various stages that might be helpful in this regard. From this perspective, our chronological age is related to specific life tasks that are developmentally relevant.
The thing with us dinosaur dads is that we're out of sync with our development. We're out of sync with our peers.
In our 50's, a time which Erikson defined as "Generativity vs Stagnation," when we are focused on making a difference, particularly in the lives of the next generation, our life tasks might be something like: "help the kids pay tuition," "buy a second car for my teenager to commute to work" or "plan for the empty nest." Instead, those of us who have had children late in life now have the life tasks of 20- or 30-somethings, including: get Alex toilet trained, sort out day care and nursery school options, invest in an education savings plan, buy new bunk beds, try to get more sleep.
In fact, my "freedom 55" is that I won't be changing diapers when I turn 55 (it's looking good so far!).
All of this is to say that maybe having kids late in life does keep us young. Sure, I'm pretty tired at the end of the day, as energy levels do seem to drop, at least a bit, as we age. However, I have the life tasks of a younger man, and with these come the identity of that age. No, I'm not kidding myself and pretending to be 28. I'm 53, and I act it in most ways, but my life tasks with my children dictate otherwise. If I listed my projects for you and you knew nothing else about me, you'd guess I was much younger than I am.
Kids later in life, they'll keep you young. You bet, if we think about aging and life-span development from the perspective of our life tasks. Speaking of which, it's bath time, then stories. Who could ask for more? ☺
Blogger's Note:
If you want to learn more about personal projects, the originator of this whole perspective is Dr. Brian Little, Distinguished Research Professor, Carleton University. You can learn more about him and his work at brianlittle.com You'll find a good summary of this research on personal projects here and links to articles if you want to read further.
