A Surprising Way to Cope With Your Divorce

When we get stuck in shoulds, can'ts and won'ts, we lose our ability to cope.

Posted Jun 30, 2020

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My daughter yelled to her friend from six feet away, “Let’s play that game where we are spies trying to end racial oppression.”

My 13-year-old daughter and her friend were jumping in and out of the pool (six feet apart) and chatting about the “rules” of their game. 

As they typically do, they spent a good 30 minutes planning out their characters’ outfits.

“I want to be wearing a shawl, but not a shawl that goes completely across your chest, but one that goes three-quarters of the way and has big buttons,” explained my daughter. 

They argued over who would get to say which line when they busted into the Oval Office to declare the need to recognize that freed slaves were not given what was promised, while always reminding each other of their “pretend” names.

Watching them took my breath away. 

There they were, teetering between engaging in childhood imaginary play and addressing complex “grown-up” issues.

Maybe rather than teetering they were using the power of their imagination to look at and process a difficult reality.

Teens are on the precipice of a significant developmental shift where they begin to see the complex world from others’ perspectives.

But, they also still hold on, unabashedly, to their childhood imaginations.

Teens are in the perfect space to bring creativity to challenges. 

It is us “grown-ups” who get stuck in the shoulds, can’ts, and won’ts that disconnect us from our imagination.

Do you remember a time when you used your imagination to envision something beyond your wildest dreams

How old were you?

What would it look like if, right before you try a metaphorical cannonball into a pool, you asked yourself:

“What would I do differently if I had no boundaries and could use my imagination to create what I most desire?”

Let’s learn from the brave, creative, bold people in our lives how to open our eyes to what is possible when we allow ourselves to let go and dream.

Where does your imagination want to take you with your divorce? What life can you imagine for yourself?

Write it down and read it every day for two weeks.

You will start to notice some shifts in your mood, perspective, and decision-making.