How to Parent a Teen During a Pandemic and a Divorce

Source: StockSnap

Do you remember the first time you heard the term “parallel play”?

Maybe you learned it in your Psychology 101 class or read it in a parenting book.

The idea behind “parallel play” is that children at a certain developmental stage (18 months to 2.5 years, approximately) primarily engage with peers through concurrent activities and not necessarily through interactive play.

I recall hearing the relief in many parents I work with when I told them that it was perfectly normal that their son was not sharing his toys when his friend came over and actually seemed to completely ignore his companion.

During this challenging time of stay-at-home orders and pandemic fear circling around us, I have found myself engaging more and more in “parallel play” with my teenage children.

I think of it as sidling up next to them and doing my own thing.

Just the other day, I heard my son doing his math homework at the coffee table in the living room.

He had told me that morning that he was getting tired of sitting at his desk and would start trying to find other spots to work.

I grabbed my computer and started working a few feet away from him.

I did not say anything, but just started working.

A few days later, I saw my daughter’s door open (which is a rarity) and I asked if I could do some work on her bed as she was at her desk.

She quickly said, “Sure.”

I am quite certain they were relieved I was not asking them if they finished their work, if they took out the trash, or if they had FaceTimed their grandma.

They enjoyed just being together. I did too. It reminded me of what it used to feel like to study with friends in college in the library.

We often did not speak, but just being in the presence of one another was soothing and helped me focus.

I have been trying this technique with my kids for a while now and they are now starting to ask me to simply sit with them as they do their own work.

Yesterday my daughter asked me to color in a coloring book as she worked on her homework.

Parenting teens can be challenging and parenting them during this unprecedented time can be grueling.

I have found that being in close proximity, but allowing them their boundaries and space, has allowed them to settle in to spending longer periods of time together.

I want you to consider trying this strategy with your kids or your partner.

Notice what happens when you engage in the wise behavior of 18-month-olds and parallel play.

What do you think you would want to do while the other person is engaged in an activity?