Mating
Too Many Fish in the Sea? Dating App Overload Explained
Practical tips for managing feelings of overwhelm when dating online.
Posted July 16, 2025 Reviewed by Davia Sills
Key points
- Humans evolved in an environment with limited choice, making today's abundance particularly challenging.
- More options often lead to less satisfaction, more regret, and greater feelings of cognitive overload.
- People who are overwhelmed by dating apps tend to be less successful.
- Reduce overwhelm by picking the right app for you, setting time limits, and using filters intentionally.
Too Much Choice?
Prior to the advent of the internet, daters met a relatively small number of potential partners. Often, through friends and family, hobby groups, or work. In contrast, online daters are presented with profiles of what can feel like an unlimited number of potential partners. This mismatch between the small number of potential dating partners available in our evolutionary history and the abundance on dating apps may begin to explain why online dating feels so exhausting.
The concept of choice overload is widely understood within academic research and refers to the difficulty faced by people when choosing from too many options.1 People often say they prefer to have more dating options,2 perhaps because they expect to find someone who meets their preferences. However, people tend to be less satisfied with their choice and report greater regret,3 stress, and anxiety4 when choosing from a large number of options.
Online daters evaluating a large number of profiles tend to report a decrease in well-being. People overwhelmed by choice are more likely to experience an increased fear of being single, lower self-esteem, and greater feelings of overload.5
When faced with too many options, users of dating apps may develop a rejection mindset6. Due to the abundance of options, people tend to begin rejecting dating opportunities, and they become overwhelmed and exhausted. This means that people may be less successful on dating apps even as they interact more with other users.
Practical Tips to Feel Less Overwhelmed When Dating Online
It may feel counterintuitive, but decreasing the number of options you have to choose from may actually increase your success and satisfaction with dating apps. Below are three practical tips for reducing feelings of overwhelm while dating online.
1. Choose the Right App for You
People use online dating apps for a wide range of reasons. Some might be trying to find a long-term partner, while others might be seeking a one-night stand, and still others may be seeking friendship. This mismatch in motivations can be very frustrating and may lead to behaviors like ghosting (ending communication without explaining why).
Some dating apps allow you to select an option for relationship goals—for example, short-term, long-term, and still figuring it out. Using this function can help you filter for users who share compatible dating goals, so you don’t waste time and energy evaluating profiles of people who aren’t a good fit for you.
2. Limit Time Spent on Dating Apps
It’s tempting to think that spending more time on a dating app and evaluating more profiles can improve your chances of meeting a compatible partner. Dating apps often encourage users to spend more time on the app by using gamified features. For example, some dating apps award users with points, streaks, or badges for using the app. This can lead people to swipe mindlessly, reducing thoughtful evaluation and making genuine connections less likely.
Consider setting a daily time limit on your smartphone—try starting with 15 minutes. Most phones will allow you to easily extend this time, but the pop-up reminder might help you pause and reflect on whether you want to continue spending your time on the app. This small interruption can break the “just one more profile” mindset and encourage more intentional use of the app.
3. Use Dating App Filters Thoughtfully and Realistically
Many dating apps let you search for partners using filters. Take some time to think about how you are using these filters and whether they reflect your true preferences and expectations. For example, are you truly willing to travel 50-plus miles to meet someone for the first time? If not, consider lowering the distance on your location filter to reduce the number of potential partners, allowing you to focus on people you would realistically want to meet offline.
Online dating apps offer us the opportunity to meet people we might not have crossed paths with offline, and can be a powerful tool for connecting to others. But our brains weren’t built to handle the overwhelming number of options we face today compared to those available to our evolutionary ancestors.
Understanding choice overload may help you navigate dating online more mindfully and intentionally, improving your chances of success while minimizing feelings of stress and overwhelm.
References
1. Chernev, A., Böckenholt, U., & Goodman, J. (2015). Choice overload: A conceptual review and meta-analysis. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 25(2), 333-358. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcps.2014.08.002
2. Lenton, A. P., Fasolo, B., & Todd, P. M. (2010). Who is in your shopping cart? Expected and experienced effects of choice abundance in the online dating context. In Evolutionary psychology and information systems research (pp. 149-167). Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4419-6139-6_7
3. Park, J.-Y., & Jang, S. S. (2013). Confused by too many choices? Choice overload in tourism. Tourism Management, 35, 1-12. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tourman.2012.05.004
4. Schwartz, B. (2004). The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. HarperCollins Publishers.
5. Thomas, M. F., Binder, A., & Matthes, J. (2022). The agony of partner choice: The effect of excessive partner availability on fear of being single, self-esteem, and partner choice overload. Computers in Human Behavior, 126, 1-10. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2021.106977
6. Pronk, T. M., & Denissen, J. J. (2019). A rejection mind-set: Choice overload in online dating. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 11(3), 388-396. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550619866189
