Can Repeated Rejection Really Build Your Confidence?

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Have you ever been turned down for a Tinder date, job offer, or promotion? It hurts, and few would willingly seek it out. Yet, rejection therapy—a trend that encourages deliberately inviting rejection—has gained some traction as a resilience-building technique.

Advocates believe that deliberate, repeated exposure to rejection can transform fear into strength, foster growth, and provide learning and confidence. Can it?

While some swear by its transformative power, others warn of its emotional toll. It may foster short-term attitudinal shifts or make you more willing to face uncomfortable situations, but its long-term efficacy remains unproven.

Positive Intent

So what is it? Rejection therapy argues that intentional exposure to a feared stimulus can reduce its emotional impact through the psychological process of habituation.

In theory, by facing fear, you reframe the fear and foster resilience—like getting back on the horse after a fall. You intentionally seek rejection in the workplace, the pub, or the home to desensitize yourself. The popular advice to “feel the fear and do it anyway” follows this logic.

Of course, many writers, musicians, and businesspeople routinely face rejection. For instance, J.K. Rowling faced repeated rejection from publishers. Nike founder Phil Knight struggled for years before “just do it” went global. Even Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first anchor job and told she was unfit for television. These stories suggest that rejection can be a stepping stone to success. However, there’s a distinction: These individuals persisted in their goals rather than actively seeking rejection.

The question remains: Is self-imposed rejection more harmful than useful?

The Reality of Rejection

While handling rejection well is often interpreted as a sign of confidence and resilience, it doesn’t necessarily translate into immunity. Let’s face it: Rejection hurts—and neuroscience studies explain the effect on the brain. A one-off event sticks like a cruel insult. Inviting a juggernaut of lashes is like walking into a tornado.

While habituation may lead to a reframe rejection, this outcome is far from guaranteed. It’s not like treating a fear of spiders or flying. Too much rejection exposure can resemble self-flagellation and damage self-worth, aggravating anxiety and perceived inadequacy.

Despite its intent, rejection therapy is not a one-size-fits-all. The weight of rejection varies based on personal history and perceived event severity. For some, not being invited to a neighbor’s bar-b-que might sting, while others brush it off like swatting a fly.

Emotional interpretation and responses also vary. Is it rejection if your partner or boss takes days to respond to your email? A colleague might not even notice! If you force a shy friend to risk romantic rejection, this might be more traumatizing than staying single.

Some politicians or public figures may have personalities that thrive on controversy and rejection, while others internalize it more deeply. For instance, Donald Trump openly embraced rejection risk by standing for re-election.

Context matters.

The controlled environment of a psychologist’s couch differs from reality. If you’re in the workplace or pub, public rejection may reinforce negative self-beliefs rather than diminish them.

Excessive rejection will also cloud decision-making, as social disappointment or professional humiliation impairs rational reasoning. Consider the pressure we place on ourselves. Acceptance underpins the essence of FOMO—we want to be valued by peers, parents, and colleagues. The ambitious wish to be recognized. Social media users crave Instagram’s thumbs, likes, and shares as signals of validation. But there are risks.

Risks for Vulnerable Groups

Deliberate exposure could exacerbate anxiety. Several groups are especially vulnerable.

1. Marginalized communities: For individuals already experiencing systemic discrimination, repeated rejection may reinforce rather than reduce feelings of exclusion. Repeated rejection may do more harm than good for those exposed to lifelong race, religion, or economic exclusion.
2. Individuals with a history of rejection: Similarly, children or adults with a history of chronic rejection in their personal or professional lives may experience distress rather than the desired desensitization.
3. Those with low self-esteem: This self-imposed treatment could heighten the sense of inadequacy for anxious individuals with low confidence, making it taxing and even counterproductive.

Starting with low-stakes scenarios can reduce the emotional sting of rejection and promote healthier responses without becoming overwhelmed. Rejection in a low-stakes scenario, such as asking for a discount or a friend for a favor, may be easier to accept than rejection at a job interview or in romantic pursuits.

Rejection Sensitivity Essential Reads

Rejection Sensitivity: Signs, Causes, and Coping Strategies

When Rejection Sensitivity Meets the Dating Scene

By reframing rejection as a stepping stone rather than a dead end, it’s easier to push past the dreaded status quo and increase confidence in risk-taking.

Many Paths to Resilience

Setbacks don’t define you, even if your response does. For many, rejection is part of the job. Premier League footballers get left on the bench. Sylvester Stallone and Meryl Streep were turned down for Hollywood roles. Al Gore lost a presidential election. Their resilience came not from seeking rejection but from persisting.

Is intensive therapy the answer? It’s clear that for some, constant disappointment and rejection can foster resilience and persistence; for others, it can exacerbate distress. While rejection therapy may help buffer the pain, it’s not the only tool. Rather than seeking rejection for its own sake, you may benefit more from learning how to process it constructively when it does occur.

Like any psychological tool, it must be applied conscientiously rather than recklessly. Mindfulness, self-reflection, and other techniques help you confidently bounce back. The key lies in intentional and selective exposure—always prioritizing necessary growth over unnecessary pain.