How to Start Being Kinder to Yourself

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One of my most cherished roles as a psychologist is promoting mental health awareness in my community and beyond. While I am pleased to treat patients one-on-one, my reach is limited at that scale.

Writing a post for Psychology Today, for instance, allows me to reach many more individuals—especially useful in a time when it's arguably more important than ever to talk about mental health, particularly in the U.S. In this year's World Happiness Report, the United States ranked at 24th—our lowest spot in the 13-year history of the study.

In that spirit, I want to take the opportunity to encourage anyone reading this to consider the following straightforward suggestions for their mental health and well-being.

1. First and foremost, please be kind to yourself.

I do not need to know much about you, dear reader, to know that you are likely struggling with something: regret, guilt, sadness, anger, or pain. The reason I know this is because these experiences are universal to us all. Please treat yourself with kindness as you navigate these challenges because it makes the journey more bearable. Not surprisingly, studies with college students demonstrate that self-compassion is associated with lower levels of psychopathology (mental illness) and higher well-being in general (Stutts, 2022).

2. Keep the hope alive.

Whatever you are going through, there is almost always hope. Many hardships improve with time or problem-solving, so remember to keep an eye on the future. Other situations may seem almost entirely bleak, although even in this suffering, there is often a silver lining that may not be apparent right now.

In my nearly 20-year practice, I have seen countless individuals transform something tragic into something healing and meaningful. So, please, keep the hope alive.

3. Reach out to others.

If you have not heard from a friend for a while, give them a call or text. They are probably just busy like the rest of us, but would be glad to hear from you nonetheless. And there is always the chance that they are not doing all right, in which case your outreach might mean all the world to them.

4. Consider forgiveness.

In our lives, many individuals have the unfortunate capability of wronging us. Sometimes, it is a stranger, but unfortunately, it can also be someone near to us.

I encourage forgiveness, not for the sake of the person who harmed you, but instead for your own sake. Life is too short to harbor resentment, and studies suggest it can take a toll on your physical and mental health.

Remember: You need not allow them back in your life. Instead, you release them from having any emotional power over you and move on.

5. See the joy.

The world is a beautiful place and has many wonders to behold. I encourage you to create a culture of joy and gratitude for the many blessings around you. This approach helps us to focus more on the positive aspects of our experience than the negative ones. Studies also show that it is protective for mood and outlook (Diniz et al., 2023), so the science backs me up here.

In summary, there are little changes that you can make to help enhance your well-being. These changes may take discipline at first, but they can become a way of life over time, potentially changing your outlook on the world and yourself.

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