Positive Psychology
Everything You Wanted to Know About Curiosity But Didn't Ask
Here lies new research on curiosity, as well as some practical strategies.
Updated November 4, 2025 Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Key points
- Curiosity doesn’t vanish with age; it changes form, compressing inward rather than being outwardly broadcast.
- One well-placed question can puncture the tyranny of “fake urgency” and force more thoughtful responses.
- Curiosity thrives in circuit with humility and perspective, preventing interrogation or self-erasure.
- Micro-interventions like drafting a risky question or banning fact-checking at dinner can rebuild curiosity.
The Car Ride Script
My daughter climbed into the car after her first volleyball game, ponytail unraveling. I launched into a play-by-play: her crisp serves, her quick digs, her intensity.
She cut me off: “Dad, can you not?”
I could have sulked, withdrawn, or delivered the classic wounded-parent monologue: “Fine, I won’t come next time.” Instead, I pivoted.
“Okay. Give me the script. What do you want me to say after games so you don’t feel cornered?”
She gave me the lines. I wrote them down.
That’s curiosity with teeth. It isn’t wide-eyed wonder. It’s swallowing pride, asking for recalibration, and borrowing someone else’s words to play your role better. A single question (yet again) turns defensiveness into a shared tool for the next time.
Kids, Adults, and the Compressed Volcano
We love the myth that children brim with curiosity and adults lose it. Research says otherwise. Curiosity actually rises into middle age before tapering gently later.
Maybe we don’t pay attention to this finding because it’s not as sexy? Maybe it won’t lead to the sale of as many curiosity self-help books. Or maybe because the scientists who conduct this work do not engage in press conferences, they publish the findings in top-tier journals and hope the work reaches the masses. Well, I am here to ensure the actual science gets as much attention as “content influencers” with no scientific background.
I’ll tell you why I trust this study. It is a seven-year longitudinal examination of 7,353 adults aged 16 to 95 years old. (Source). When a person says adults are less curious than kids. Give them the data that questions this beloved, false narrative. Also, be sure to send them the study of 1,098,748 kids and adults that reached the same conclusion.
From my years of studying curiosity, I believe the difference is in form. Kids tend to externalize curiosity. Their questions spray outward like a confetti cannon. “Why is my underwear scratchy? Am I dying?”
Adults compress curiosity. Questions don’t vanish. They churn beneath the surface, stacking like magma. A non-talking group member appears to be disengaged. Let me offer a counter explanation for the quiet: Sometimes they are enthralled. The person across from you isn’t checked out. They’re running models in their head, waiting to erupt.
Don’t mistake compression for absence. The volcano is alive. You just can’t see the lava yet. Too often, we believe the verbal expression of curiosity is required and neglect the internal chatter of intrigue, interest, and wonder.
The Tyranny of Fake Urgency
We are taught to move fast: reply, fix, decide. Urgency makes us feel indispensable.
The truth: Almost nothing requires instant response. Surgeons, yes. Soldiers under fire, yes. For most of us, the crisis is whether to change the font on text.
Curiosity rebels. It slows the tempo. It throws a wrench into the machinery of false urgency.
One unexpected question can puncture the consensus-building and reset the thought process in a room. Efficiency junkies hate this. They confuse speed with effectiveness. But curiosity reminds us: Quickly checking off boxes is not the same as progress. That’s why I am trying my best to embrace a subtraction over addition mantra for an improved quality of life.
The Meta Strengths
Curiosity doesn’t stand alone. It loops with perspective-taking and humility.
- Ask a genuine question, and you open up to another angle
- Accept that angle, you admit your limits
- Admit your limits, you prime more questions
Families, teams, even nations rot when this loop breaks. Curiosity without humility becomes interrogation. Humility without perspective curdles into self-erasure. Perspective without curiosity turns into passive nodding. The strength lies in the circuit.
Curiosity Provocations
Try these as invitations to modify your personality ever so slightly:
- After conflict, say, “What words would have landed better? Give me a better script.” Use it once.
- Ban fact-checking at dinner. Log questions. Revisit them 24 hours later.
- Draft a question for a colleague that risks embarrassment but could deepen trust. Ask it. This is what I asked a coauthor: “What could we learn from Parade Magazine for designing better headers for the articles and book chapters we’re working on?”
- Cancel one obligation today. Use the space to follow a question with no obvious answer.
Each exercise is a micro-intervention to use curiosity in your life. Each is a vote for mental density over thin blurting.
The End Game
A rich life needs variety, novelty, and meaning. Curiosity delivers all three.
One good question bends the arc of your day. Ask it.
This is why I tell my daughters: if offered an interesting opportunity, say yes. Go to the midnight donut cart. Start the strange conversation. Pick the odd book. Interesting is an underrated compass.
And when you feel the itch to shut down a question, to rush to the answer, to play the expert, hit pause. Tilt your head. Invite the hunt.
Choose interesting.
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