Long COVID and the Importance of Self-Compassion

“It’s so frustrating to be a long hauler. I don’t feel like I’m getting better, and I have to wonder if it’s somehow my fault. Maybe I’m not doing enough, but I just can’t do what I used to do. I feel like a failure because I can’t take care of my family the way I should.” —Charles (long COVID since May 2022)

Living with chronic health conditions like long COVID can be remarkably difficult and overwhelming. “Long haulers” struggle with multi-system symptoms, typically reporting a wide range of complaints like exhaustion, brain fog, and anxiety. For most, their quality of life decreases to a level they couldn’t have imagined prior to becoming sick with COVID.

As of this writing, there is no protocol or widely recognized treatment for long COVID. Most long haulers are left to either simply suffer with their symptoms or find their own treatments based on what they read on the internet. Self-compassion is a frequently overlooked tool in coping with long COVID.

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What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion entails the practice of being kind, understanding, and nonjudgmental towards oneself. We can view the concept of self-compassion as opposite pairings across three interconnected dimensions.

The first pairing pits self-kindness against self-judgment. This relates to people viewing their difficulties from the perspective of understanding, acceptance, and patience rather than with harsh self-criticism.

The second pairing encourages us to focus on the common humanity of our experience rather than on isolation. This broader perspective is not only a kinder way of viewing things, but it also reduces some of the barriers to help-seeking.

The final pairing to consider is mindful awareness of our difficulties rather than over-identifying with them. Over-identifying with our struggles contributes to depression, hopelessness, and feelings of helplessness. Mindful awareness, on the other hand, allows us to focus on those things that are meaningful to us.

Why Does Self-Compassion Matter?

Self-compassion benefits us in a variety of ways. It’s been linked to reduced stress, depression, and anxiety. People with higher levels of self-compassion tend to have better self-esteem, happier and more fulfilling relationships, and enhanced resilience.

For those living with long COVID and other chronic medical conditions, self-compassion may be an essential ingredient to better health and well-being. Studies have shown, for instance, that viewing oneself in a more compassionate manner encourages exercise, healthy eating, medical compliance, and good sleep hygiene habits.

Additionally, studies demonstrate that higher levels of self-compassion are associated with higher self-reported health status. In other words, people tend to rate their health status as being better when they are more compassionate toward themselves.

Developing Self-Compassion

If you’re reading this article, chances are that you—like so many others—tend to not give yourself the benefit of self-compassion. When we choose to be overly critical of ourselves, we become our own bullies. We end up using our difficulties as a weapon to hurt and demoralize ourselves. We beat ourselves up! We wouldn’t tolerate such behavior from someone else—and yet, all too often, we listen to that mean-spirited inner critic.

So how do we develop self-compassion? Here are three simple ways you can calm that inner critic and be kinder to yourself.

1. Practice mindfulness. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the father of modern therapeutic mindfulness, defines it as an “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally… in the service of self-understanding and wisdom.” Some practical exercises you can use to develop a mindful awareness of yourself include paying attention to your breath, turning off your “autopilot” and genuinely focusing on your surroundings, and becoming more aware of your inner state without judging it.
2. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend. This sounds simple but is incredibly vital to the practice of self-compassion. We realize our friends are human and make mistakes, so we should be just as understanding with ourselves. Imagine if a loved one came to you feeling upset, depressed, or hurt. How would you respond? With criticism and a rejection of their experience, or would you respond with empathy and kindness? Hopefully, it would be the latter. We deserve to care for and nurture ourselves just as we would others in our life.
3. Own your truth. This can be somewhat tricky for people. One of the principal ways we demonstrate self-compassion is to acknowledge our struggles and pain. We often invalidate our experiences, particularly when we compare them to others’ difficulties. Moreover, we tend to "should" on ourselves: I shouldn’t feel this way, I should handle things better, or I should be stronger. This judgmental criticism isn’t helpful, but it certainly is hurtful. Instead of this, we should "own our truth" by acknowledging our thoughts, feelings, and experiences without dwelling on them. Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, explains that we can’t simply turn off our inner critic, but we can learn how to “defuse from those harsh self-judgments and ‘not good enough’ stories… We can let them come and stay and go in their own good time, without getting caught up in them or pushed around by them.”

Conclusion

Long COVID can be an overwhelming experience characterized by fatigue, decreased daily functioning, depression, and uncertainty about what the future may hold. Unfortunately, this stress can further worsen long COVID symptoms and reduce our ability to healthfully cope with our symptoms.

This then can make us feel even less able to carry on with our routine activities, contributing to self-doubt and self-blame. We easily become trapped in a vicious cycle that perpetuates itself. Cultivating self-compassion is one method of breaking this cycle so that we can live better despite our chronic illness.