6 Ways to Handle Life When Friends Ghost You During Divorce

Loved ones can let you down during your divorce by not being there for you emotionally. These friends and family have their reasons for disconnecting from you, but, even when you understand this, their actions can still hurt.

As a follow-up, I've written this post to outline six ways you can take care of yourself and, hopefully, feel better. Divorce is a long, lonely road, but knowing how to best take care of yourself can make a tremendous difference.​

6 Remedies for When Friends Ghost You During Your Divorce

Here are some things you can do to counteract the pain of feeling rejected.

1. Understand that distancing is often more about your friends’ own fears and projections than about you or your situation. I always tell people that however someone else reacts to your marriage ending says way more about them than you. I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to take others’ reactions personally.

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2. Talk to others who are going through divorce. By this, I mean join a divorce support group. A grief group that deals with losses of all kinds may help some, but in my experience, it’s not as helpful. Contact local community health organizations or, if you’re in therapy, ask your therapist to help you find resources. Ask your church if they offer anything, and if they don’t, see if they will start a support group.

3. Tell yourself over and over that you don’t have to take on the reactions of other people. If someone tries to tell you that you are wrong, bad, or selfish, or that “you should be ashamed of yourself,” let their words slide off your back. Seriously. This is their pain. You have your own to contend with in the loss of your marriage. You don’t need more.

4. Journal. Journaling can help you process your emotions and even clarify what you are feeling. In James Pennebaker’s Writing to Heal, he helps you understand how (and where) pain works in the brain and what writing does to bring healing.

5. Treat your trauma with therapy. If you have been traumatized by your relationship or by the end of the relationship, it may be helpful to explore trauma-informed therapy. Techniques such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, Brainspotting, and Somatic Experiencing can be helpful in processing your trauma.

Getting assistance from a knowledgeable therapist can be invaluable. A psychologist or counselor can provide feedback, reality testing, and guidance as you navigate this incredibly difficult passage. If your therapist can do a combination of trauma treatment and talk therapy, all the better. As you shop for the right emotional support professional, ask them about their experience with divorce. If they have no knowledge about it, you may want to move on to another person. I’ve heard lots of stories of well-meaning professionals who simply gave wrong advice or not-so-great guidance.

6. Read helpful literature. There are some books out there that provide guidance to those going through a divorce. Reading books and articles and perusing websites that lift you up will be so important. Fill your mind with possibilities of the good that will come your way on the other side of this or provide you with inner strength to continue every day. Please refer to my bio for a few helpful books to read and I’m also happy to send you my suggested reading list if you email me a request. This list is much more comprehensive.

Take advantage of the free resources that are available to you as you navigate perhaps one of the most challenging times of your life. Remember that there is another side to this ordeal and, with or without the support of friends and family, you will get through this.

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To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

Copyright Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W. 2024