Deep Pain Can Be Triggered By Divorce
This pain must be acknowledged in order to pass
Posted Aug 08, 2010
Love means exposing yourself to being hurt, deeply hurt, by someone you trust ~ Renita Weems
Going through a divorce can hurt so deeply that, at times, you feel as though you're being stretched further than you've ever been stretched before - mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. If you have been through tough times in your life before, you may have an inner knowledge that you will survive this ordeal, but at the time of your pain and loss, you can't imagine feeling better.
When a marriage ends, it's not just the pain of losing love that you endure. There's also the sadness at the loss of the dream of living happily ever after and the anger at being unable to trust any kind of permanence.
For some, the plain fact that caused the breakup of the marriage can also add layers of pain - for example, having been cheated on sexually, having had your spouse act irresponsibly with joint finances, or your spouse having had an addiction which, despite his or her love for you, couldn't be given up. This pain can be all-consuming.
While in the midst of such challenging periods, most of us feel these trying times will be our reality forever and ever; time seems to drag along endlessly. It's not uncommon for deep pain to cause depression, which can lead to a loss (or an increase) in appetite or sleep, apathy, or isolating behaviors.
For those whose pain has reached this level of suffering, it's important to seek out additional support from friends, family and professionals.
It's important to keep in mind that the pain will eventually pass, life will be whole again (but in new and different ways) and that pain is a necessary part of the grieving process. Those who have gotten on the other side of a bad, painful divorce (or any kind of loss, for that matter), will see how they have grown as a result of going through such a difficult experience.
Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Managing your emotions is different than controlling your emotions. When you manage your emotions, you allow yourself to have the feelings but you contain them (for example, you may tear up at work but you wait until you get home to cry out loud).
People who are uncomfortable feeling negative emotions often try to stuff these feelings and try to make them go away. The problem is that these uncomfortable feelings don't go away until and unless they are expressed and acknowledged. Trying to stuff emotions actually prolongs the grief process.
(The above article was largely excerpted from Stronger Day by Day, Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce c 2010 New Harbinger)
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