Why Some People Shop When They're Stressed

As a mom of a 16-month-old toddler, there are days when I find myself mindlessly scrolling through social media after hours, getting pulled into ads and clickbait that, frankly, I didn’t even realize I wanted. The next thing I know, I’m adding items to my cart, none of which I truly need. It's an all-too-familiar cycle, and it begs the question: Why do we shop to cope with stress, and more important, does it really help us?

The phrase "retail therapy" has entered our contemporary vocabulary to refer to a form of shopping driven by emotional needs, typically to cope with stress or negative feelings, or to regain a sense of control. While many view retail therapy as a way to relieve stress or boost mood, let's look at recent research to gain a more nuanced understanding of its effects.

Why Do We Shop to Cope?

Retail therapy isn’t just about buying things; it often serves deeper emotional needs. For example, people with low self-esteem may buy items that align with their negative self-image, a behavior known as self-verifying consumption. Meanwhile, those with higher self-esteem tend to shop to feel better about themselves, especially when they're feeling low or under pressure. What's interesting is that our shopping habits can vary significantly depending on how we view ourselves.

Compensatory shopping, when we buy things to fill an emotional void, is especially common during stressful times. It’s been found that people who place a high value on material possessions or struggle with self-compassion are more likely to shop as a way to cope. However, this behavior can end up making them less happy over time, as it doesn't address the deeper emotional issues behind their need to make purchases. This might explain why, when I’m feeling particularly drained, I find myself drawn to safe, familiar purchases that don’t challenge me, like going on a quest to get a Jigglypuff mug on display at my local grocery store.

When Retail Therapy Backfires

While shopping may provide a short-term boost, it can sometimes backfire. Research shows that when people shop to make up for a blow to their self-esteem, they often end up regretting their purchases. This is especially true when the purchase is tied to the original issue—for example, buying something to feel smarter after feeling inadequate at work. Recently, after getting a risky revision decision from an academic journal, I spent hours browsing designer computer glasses and overpriced e-ink tablets, convinced they were the key to solving my academic struggles. But instead of relieving my stress, it just made me dwell on the problem more, and I wasn’t even satisfied with the purchase. Interestingly, when people shop for something unrelated to their stress—like buying new clothes after a rough day at work—there’s less regret. This shows how important it is to understand what’s really driving us to shop.

The Rise of Online Shopping Therapy

The COVID-19 pandemic highlighted a surge in what some researchers call revenge consumption; people turned to luxury goods to regain a sense of control over their lives, giving their self-esteem and well-being a temporary boost. In the same way, online shopping also skyrocketed as people used retail therapy to cope with the isolation and anxiety of lockdowns. Research shows that this kind of shopping is often driven by the need to feel in control during a time of crisis. While some found comfort and temporary relief in buying things, others felt regret later, especially if they realized that their purchases had been driven more by stress than actual need.

What Can We Learn?

What’s clear from all of this is that while retail therapy may offer temporary relief, it doesn’t address the underlying emotional issues that lead us to shop in the first place. Compensatory consumption can leave us feeling even more dissatisfied in the long run, especially if our shopping is tied to stress or low self-esteem.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward making a change. Instead of turning to shopping, we can look for healthier ways to cope. Research shows that activities like hobbies, exercise, or creative projects can boost well-being more effectively than retail therapy. So, instead of overspending, let’s try to understand what’s really driving us to shop and reflect on our behaviors. This can help us choose more sustainable ways to lift our mood and take care of our mental health.

I encourage you to take a moment and reflect on your own shopping habits. Are they a response to stress? If so, what emotional needs are you trying to fulfill? The first step is awareness. Next, consider adopting one small habit that could help, whether pausing before making a purchase or channeling that energy into something that nourishes your well-being.

Therapy Essential Reads

How Narrative Therapy Can Improve Self-Esteem

Poetry as Medicine: Using Verse to Support BIPOC Mental Health

You Are Not Alone

As a new mom, the exhaustion from balancing parenting, work and everyday life often leads me to moments in which I turn to shopping as a quick fix. It feels like a reward, a little something just for me, after a long day of caring for others. But this experience isn’t unique to me. Whether we’re parents, busy professionals, or individuals dealing with personal stress, we all seek ways to reclaim a sense of control and comfort when life gets overwhelming. Shopping can feel like a simple and immediate solution, offering a brief emotional lift during a challenging time.

Yet retail therapy often doesn’t address our deeper emotional needs. For many, it’s not just about acquiring material goods but about finding a moment of relief in a chaotic world. However, true fulfillment comes from recognizing these emotional triggers and seeking healthier, more sustainable ways to cope with life’s challenges. Whether you're a parent like me, or simply someone who’s feeling stressed or overwhelmed, reflecting on why you shop and finding alternative strategies can lead to more meaningful, lasting satisfaction.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

Facebook/LinkedIn image: fizkes/Shutterstock