I am finding this kind of articles quite hard to understand. I am from an extremely violent background where I was beaten until I was 19 and had to finally flee. I spent most of my childhood frozen (and just learning that I suffer from PTSD emphasis on dissociation).
I do not have anxiety unless I have something to be anxious about. I have never been depressed nor had any mental health issues. I make friends easy and I am happily married for about 5yrs…but I did suffer some flashback in the past, I did and still do have a very highly critical sense of self. I did until recently had a very threatened personality but when I have become aware of, it was like wow! Day and night! Of my personality and my actions. I just calm down 100% in my mind. And my body pain (the biggest probably has changed…
I active, well socialized and well-traveled and working full time but I do have grandiose personality and I do feel I did everything myself …trust me. A child who grew up in this kind of extreme situation who did not die from it, will feel powerful she or he survived. So I can see clearly I have that grandiose narcissism to teeth!
But I do not believe I have the negative aspect of it…actually I should not say that. I do feel (or felt in the past) not liking a lot of people, but I am rational persona nd would challenge myself about stupid thoughts.
I hate this generalization of if you had a, b, and c, then you are this or that!
I volunteer. I give and I am caring and empathic but I do truly believe I survived the horror cause I dissociated most of my childhood!
So why no one does a research of those of us who came from crazy families but do not carry the craziness? Even though I truly do not feel I am sociopath, I can relate to one and feel I can understand especially if they had similar background as me. I also believe they can be treated. I think a lot of children are abused and their real identity is frozen at 2 months or whatever the violence started and I truly believe as an adult (if they survived that ) they can be treated. They may never become nelson mandala but I think they can be made more aware. The fact we do a bit of research on criminals or few over achiever in university, we come up with these theories that do ot apply across cultures or life styles.
I am becoming a therapist myself and I have some theories of my own from my own experience and talking to others.
I find a lot of people with huge mental issues that are not treatable the biggest problem is they are still in touch or enmeshed with the same parents who created their identity. Just like therapists say you cannot cure the mind with the same mind that created. You cannot cure people who are not still individuated from their parents whether dead or alive. Almost every narcissist is exactly the image of a parent who is the same. It is easy for a child to identify with a powerful or abusive or neglectful parent! But most therapists do not want to talk real to people so most narcissist do not actually even know what is wrong.
Education of the mind can free a lot of them!
One thing I learned is this, most narcissist the problem is they do not love their parents…there is no attachment in the real sense…trump does not love his parents cause he never got to experience that…so he is detached at the core! But that does not mean he does not know what love even if he does not feel it, he knows it intellectually…so the only way a therapist could get under the hood of his narcissism defense, would be through his daughter. But most western therapist will say, he does not know love so he cannot feel it and would say the change must be within him alone without talking about others…yet in the same breath, others have contributed him to become like this. Also every single person has a place where the wound is fresh and only if one reaches out to the wound, then a possibility of cure or treatment can be spoken.
One of the most important things about those of us who survived horrors of our parents, is this you must know we survived as babies, the memories are still within us and the most scary thing for us to survive was against to die or go mad!
Since we did not die obviously, some of us went mad, hence, the narcissism…but no therapist will speak frankly or care to relate to narcissism that we vilify them!
I can tell you, I have avoidance, I had disorganized attachment and I do not love my parents. But I care about humanity, I love people, I hate some, and I am aware of my feelings and I can express those that are right and deal the others in my own way as not to let them take over my life.
The personality disorder in the DSM is political and also useless to throw it out like that...trust me real Narc do not stay in the society and be productive in some aspect and they do not deserve this much yap....so what we are talking about is basically difficult adults who had really and truly a violent beginning and we are the ones who do not have empathy for their plight!
I am now in process of self-integration in order to become a great therapist.
PS. I am not talking about Jeffrey dalmar or unibommber people here. I am talking about average joe who may come to therapy cause they are facing crisis in normal socializiation.
I simply cannot wait to become therapist so I can gather all those diagnosed with this silliness and feel their pain with them and work with them.
and I know everyone will say I am not the classic narc...trust me I am I am just also intelligent and human.