The 5 Major Ways Adults Bully Each Other

I agree that most of the time bullies are indeed covert cowards trying to raise their own self-esteem by standing on you and beating you down.

But in some cases the bully is mentally ill and dangerous: if you stand up to him or her, fight back, try to defend yourself, try to run away... they will beat you even worse or (worst case scenario) try to destroy you, literally: kill you.

I was raised by a mother who was mentally ill (she had at the time as yet undiagnosed, untreated borderline pd) and when I was little if she triggered into a rage at me and I cried or begged or tried to get away it was like throwing gasoline on a fire: it enraged her more.
(Mother almost killed me on a couple of occasions.)

All I could do was go numb and limp like an inanimate object as she gripped my upper arms and screamed her rage from inches away, pupils dilated to solid black, red-faced. I could feel her spittle hitting my face. The screaming was accompanied by physical abuse most of the time.

I think that those who bully and harass and intimidate their target out of obsessive sexual feelings are dangerous also. Very dangerous, in fact, and particularly so for boys.

For example, say if an older, larger boy feels sexually attracted to a younger, smaller boy and feels deeply shamed by these "sinful" feelings, the repressed homosexual may in his mind begin to blame the other boy (or blame gay males in general) for "making" him feel these unacceptable sexual feelings "against his will."
So the repressed homosexual (in a state of deep denial) begins to feel justified and entitled to punish anyone who makes him have "bad" sexual feelings.

This projection and blaming can result in the repressed homosexual male bullying, harassing, tormenting and beating the smaller male severely or even killing him.

I think this was probably the underlying dynamic of the incident in which Omar Mateen shot dozens of gay men to death in the gay nightclub incident last year.

Mateen could not tolerate the incompatible truth about himself: he could not be a "good Muslim" if he also had sexual desires for other men.

In his sick mind the only way he could resolve this cognitive dissonance, absolve his own sinfulness, please Allah, and earn a place in paradise, was by executing as many gay men as possible before committing "suicide by cop."

So, if there is a way to figure out if the bully or bullies harassing you are the garden-variety cowardly type or if they are actually the dangerous, sadistic, mentally-unbalanced, homicidal-monster-type, that would also be very useful.

What do you do when the bully is your parent?

I was raised by a parent who stopped talking to you for days and pretended you didn't exist. My father always took her side which she would lie. So confusing to a child who is taught NOT to lie. I dated young and married the bully... every time I tried to break away, he would cry and "try" to hurt himself. Once married things got worse. He screamed at me for everything because nothing I did was good enough. He struck me across the face at friend's house playing cards when it got very late & I brush into his ear that I wanted to go home. He tried raping me years later when I had an affair feeling he hated me. Unfortunately, sometimes we stay in a marriage that is "familiar"... Now I am too old to start over. Talk about ruining one's lives. But how is a bully different than a malignant narcissist? Or are they two in the same?

"A silent form of bullying, known as ostracism, is the hallmark of grandparent estrangement/alienation, which is what happens when innocent children, viewed as property, are used as pawns and weapons of control in parent/grandparent relationship conflicts. In these scenarios, the bully dominates and controls the victim with the threat of loosing contact with the grandchildren." ~Anue Nue

In your article, you single out 'homophobia." I would like to point out that it is not limited to people with homophobia. I, a heterosexual female, have been the target of lesbians who act like bullies - and I am not homophobic. It was directed at me in one case simply because I had a long, flowing skirt on - very feminine. I didn't know the person, it was just in passing on the street - and I was berated. The other time was by a new coworker who apparently just assumed that she would be unaccepted and came in with her defenses up and acted (and continues to act) like people are out to get her. Bullying is not restricted to heterosexuals.

just wanted to point out that date rape, marital rape and domestic violence are NOT a form of bullying. They are crimes and people can be charged criminally and spend years in prison.

"The hallmarks of grandparent estrangement/alienation are the silent treatment and ostracism. It is a very pervasive form of passive aggressive adult bullying which amounts to nothing more than the successful bully grooming of the next generation. It is not natural or healthy no matter which generation is the perpetrator." ~ Anue Nue

I feel your definitions fit the media and late night comics in their treatment of Donald Trump. I will confront a bully when it occurs to family and friends. I have found most bullies are cowards and will back off.

Great article and one that should be distributed among the various workplaces around the world. There is certainly no lack of bullies doing their worst against those they perceive to be "weak."

I recently encountered a male bully who was supposed to be a "partner" but quickly let everyone in our circle know just WHO the alpha male of the group was. I spent just over month in association with this person before he began exhibiting violent outbursts toward me and a couple of other workers he saw as "weak."

He ended a potential partnership with our firm, made baseless claims of detrimental behavior towards his company, which is doing quite well, and eventually spewed out so much hatred, racism, and threats of physical violence against me, my wife, and young daughter that I had no choice but to contact legal counsel, cancel my plans to relocate to the area, and return with my family to the place of origin.

From a firsthand experience, which I never expected, it was no fun and I hope the person can get real help for their problems, because they are many.

Bullies are insecure or mentally ill, have met many and now steer clear. Have cut off abusive family, friends and keep to myself. If a person is disrespectful to me I cut them off and stay away. Much happier person for taking control of my life and now take my time making friends and accepting few into my happy world. Having gown up in an aggressive family I thought that was how all people behaved, being attracted to similiar types. I changed and educated myself and realized that my sanity was at stake, and moved on. No one should put up with being made miserable by some egotistical, deranged person. How they get a way with it is a mystery although most are covert and manage to have a support team behind them who are just as mean. Can smell them a mile off and my path goes the other way, but we do have the power to dump them and move on. No one has the right to bully others and there should be more done about this issue, any parent, teacher, boss person in a position of authority who allows this is a bully themselves.

Hi, for the past few years it seems that I have been getting bullied online and in person from friends and family, and also at work, and this needs to stop, I am a 46 year old adult who is trying to live my life and I don’t need to be bullied by people I can trust, not I am not sure and I can’t seem to trust them! I am tired of all of this, it seems I am not allowed to be happy at all! So I hope that the people who keep continue to bully me, you will someday be cursed and get bullied right bacK, and you will be unhappy for a few years like I was! God knows who you are and you need to stop bullying me! Get a hobby or a full time job, or make sure all of your family and friends are doing what you want them to be doing and quit worrying about me! Or else!