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How a Breakup Can Change You for the Better

"When one door closes another opens."

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“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

― Thich Nhat Hanh

Losing a significant relationship in life is never easy, especially after you and your former partner walked a journey together. The loss of a close relationship can feel like emotional amputation. You may feel sad and alone, as if you’re missing an important part of yourself. If you were on the receiving end of a breakup, you may feel angry, rejected or betrayed.

The good news is that the sadness doesn’t last forever, and brighter days lay ahead!

A breakup is often a special opportunity to learn about love. If you consider the possibility that everything happens for a reason, what meaning and greater purpose can be drawn from your separation?

Emotional pain and hurt can be great teachers. This is especially true when it comes to matters of the heart. Sometimes we suffer a loss and realize not to take love for granted. Other times we feel hurt and discover that we have the strength to heal and carry on. If you were on the receiving end of a difficult breakup, or left an unhealthy relationship, one of the crucial lessons could simply be that you deserve better. You have what it takes to create a happy and fulfilling life independent of your ex. When you affirm, care for, and love yourself in a healthy way, all else may fall into place.

“Many times what we perceive as an error or failure is actually a gift.”

― Richelle Goodrich

Research (Clark and Georgellis) reveals that people in general, and women in particular, feel significantly happier many years after their divorce. This includes those who divorced in the middle to later stages of life.

What is true for divorcees can be true for never married singles as well. There’s no doubt that a breakup can hurt and sting. It may feel like there’s a temporary “dark cloud” over your head. During these times, it’s extremely empowering to ask yourself:

“What is the best thing I can do now so that, six months or one year from now, my future self will thank my present self for the decisions I’m making today?”

Treat your life as if you’re in a heroine’s tale or on a hero’s journey, one that, without trials and tribulations, you would not ultimately discover your True Worth.

Specifically, seek out new and interesting experiences that arouse your passion: meet new people, engage in fun activities, take classes, travel abroad, exercise, help the needy, help animals, plant a garden, learn gourmet cooking, create a business, hike a mountain, ballroom dance, take language lessons, etc., etc., etc.

Think outside the box – what’s something you’ve always wanted to, but have held back?

What you will gain from these exciting new chapters of your life are enlarged perspectives, both cognitively and emotionally. As your experience widens, the “box” that was your past experience becomes smaller, more distant, and less significant. One day, you’ll suddenly realize that you haven’t been thinking about your heartache for some time. Your future self will recall this moment, and thank you for the positive decisions you’re making today!

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

― Alexander Graham Bell

Preston Ni is the author of (click on titles): “How to Get Over a Breakup – Keys to Healing and Happiness Again” and “7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success”.

Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. is available as a presenter, workshop facilitator, and private coach. For more information, write to (link sends e-mail), or visit

© 2015 by Preston C. Ni. All rights reserved worldwide. Copyright violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution.

Select Bibliography

Clark, A., Georgellis, Y. Back to Baseline in Britain: Adaptation in the British Household Panel Survey. Economica. (2012)