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How to Stop Blaming Others, and Be Free and Powerful!

How to Stop Blaming—and Be Free!

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Author's Note: The following is an excerpt from the book (click on title): “How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts & Emotions – A Practical Guide."

"When we blame, we give away our power."

— Greg Anderson

Blame can be defined as holding others responsible for our misfortunes. Some people cast their dysfunctional parents, negative relationships, socio-economic disadvantages, or other life hardships as the reason for their unhappiness and lack of success.

While it’s certainly true that life presents many difficulties, and undeniable the pain and suffering they often cause, to blame others as the reason for one’s unhappiness is to cast oneself in the role of the victim.

There are illusory advantages to victimhood, as finger-pointing provides convenient justification for life’s unsatisfactory conditions, and sheds the work necessary to take complete charge of one’s own life and well-being.

However, habitual blaming over time perpetuates bitterness, resentment, and powerlessness, as the victim suffers from what H.D. Thoreau calls “quiet desperation.”

Often, those who are the target of your blame have no idea (or could care less) about how you really feel. You only hurt yourself by being a prisoner of your own bitterness and resentment. Your feelings may be justified, but they will not help you become happy, healthy, and successful. Ultimately, isn’t that what you really want?

“The best revenge is a life well lived.”

― Chloe Neill

If your life is not perfect (whose is?), make a life well lived in spite of the imperfections.

Letting go of blame in no way whitewashes unfair circumstances (which are very real - both locally and globally), or excuses difficult people, or invalidates life’s many hardships. But this is not about them, this is about YOU. You do this for YOURSELF in order to reclaim the freedom and power that are YOURS.

In summary, it may seem easy and convenient to blame others for our unhappiness, but in the long run we lose out, as indulging in blame costs us the authority to be in charge. We miss the profound potential which can be unleashed once we take total responsibility for our life experience, and preside proactively over the purposeful direction of our lives.

"Fix the problem, not the blame."

— Catherine Pulsifer

"All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy."

— Wayne Dyer

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them."

— George Bernard Shaw

For more in-depth information on reducing or eliminating over fifteen types of negative attitudes and feelings, see my book (click on title): "How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts and Emotions.”

Also available (click on title): How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People”.

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Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. is available as a presenter, workshop facilitator, and private coach. For more information, write to, or visit

© 2014 by Preston C. Ni. All rights reserved worldwide. Copyright violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution.