4 Relationship Builders for Love Month

When you think of February, you can’t help but think about Valentine’s Day and love. While many focus this month on romantic love, it’s really so much more. It’s about building stronger human connections. Based on scientifically identifying eight wisdom skills in my “Common Wisdom” study book and new journal, I discovered four ways to help you foster meaningful relationships.

"Common Wisdom" Author Dr Laura Gabayan and her daughters.

Source: Dr. Laura Gabayan

The idea of love is that you have feelings towards something or someone. These feelings often can’t be explained logically. It can be a love of a family member, a friend, an animal, or a thought. And to build upon this love, here are four ideas you should embrace:

1. Prioritize Loving Yourself First with Self-Care

Any kind of love towards something starts with loving yourself. In fact, it’s a requirement. In order to be balanced and exude any and all feelings, you have to love and honor yourself first. Taking time for self-care can sound selfish and self-indulgent, but it’s not. It’s necessary.

You are not able to love anything or anyone else until you take care of yourself. Consider taking time out of your busy schedule for self-pampering with a spa day or a quality visit with good friends. Or, consider your definition of self-care, which may include watching your favorite show, going for a walk, or doing something you love. Whatever you prefer, remember, self-care is not optional. Just like sleep, it is something you need to function. It is something that will contribute to you being a better human.

When I lost my home in the recent Palisades Fire, I was thrust into so much change all at once. The only thing that kept me feeling grounded, realistic, and rational was caring for myself. Meditating, watching a light-hearted show, and listening to music were my forms of self-care. These activities gave me a sense of normalcy and comfort. They allowed me to be myself, and maintain a sense of calm amongst this fire storm fallout.

2. Express Positivity to Attract Loving Relationships

You love something or someone because there is some positivity associated with it. Think of a friend or a significant other who makes you smile and brings your life joy. Positivity reflects a sense of optimism, calm, and hope – qualities we all love. By being positive, we are better able to love and attract love. By sharing positive thoughts, we also encourage others to love.

Another important part of positivity is not having inflated expectations of others. On Valentine’s Day, there are especially a lot of presumptions for what one should do and give a loved one. These often exaggerated expectations only lead to disappointment. Although it may be hard and take time, practice not making assumptions of loved ones behavior, and you will be much happier in the long run.

3. Make Kindness a Habit

February is a month committed to love, and to have love starts with kindness. I did not grow up with kindness as a child. After getting married, raising a family, and building long-term friendships, I now better understand kindness as an adult. It is something that we are all drawn too, and is a must in any relationship.

Having kindness is the foundation of love. Regardless of the type of Valentine’s Day you will have, consider engaging in small acts of kindness. Simply by doing things for others, you can make someone's day. Try being kind to others by smiling at their ideas, genuinely listening and looking them in eye, and/or complimenting them. It should come from the heart with zero expectations of getting something in return.

Kindness builds on kindness, and it's important to add it to your daily routine. This February, start small and make it a habit. Know that it will take time to master this skill, so be patient with yourself.

4. Journal for Self-Discovery and Personal Growth

Journaling is much more than writing daily thoughts down on paper. It is a way to self-reflect, prioritize personal growth and build loving relationships. It can help you take time out for yourself and develop skills as a foundation for a more meaningful life. By journaling regularly, it is a way to love yourself and invest in your personal development.

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By writing down your thoughts, it can help you better develop a sense of self, strengthen relationships with family and friends, and further explore your feelings. The journal serves as a tool for greater self-discovery and well-being.

In the U.S., there is an alarming loneliness epidemic where people are withdrawing from human contact. If everyone focused more on four of our eight wisdom elements of Kindness, Positivity, Humility, and Tolerance, maybe there would be less loneliness. If you know someone who has suddenly stopped calling or going out of their home, reach out to them with kindness and check-in.

Instead of the usual Valentine’s Day focus on romance, take time to reflect during this love month on these four relationship builders that can help you cultivate stronger human connections and a more meaningful life. And it all starts with loving yourself first.