Mistakes Were Made, and That’s a Good Thing

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We all make mistakes. Human error is inevitable, from forgetting a meeting to fumbling a significant project. Yet, few things evoke as much anxiety and shame. We hide our mistakes, fear judgment, and often let them define our worth. But why are we so afraid of something so universal? What if we treated mistakes as necessary steps toward growth instead of avoiding them?

Let’s break down the psychology behind our fear of mistakes, explore its evolutionary roots, and challenge how we respond when things go wrong.

Why We Fear Mistakes

Fear of making mistakes is ingrained in how we operate. In modern life, mistakes can feel like signs of incompetence or failure. Culturally, we are conditioned to avoid them. Schools penalize them. Workplaces punish them. Social media amplifies them. This fear, known as atychiphobia, can lead to perfectionism, procrastination, or burnout (Flett & Hewitt, 2016).

Much of this fear is socially driven. We worry about how others perceive us, and a mistake feels like a public display of inadequacy. In high-stakes environments, such as job interviews, exams, or leadership roles, this fear is magnified. We associate mistakes with judgment and rejection.

Children who grow up in highly critical environments or are rewarded only for perfect outcomes often internalize the belief that mistakes are dangerous (Haimovitz & Dweck, 2016). This results in adults who either avoid challenges or collapse under pressure, perceiving every misstep as a threat to their identity.

The Evolutionary Roots of Our Response

Our brains are hardwired to detect errors. This evolutionary perspective makes sense. Early humans who misjudged a predator’s proximity or ate the wrong berry did not survive. Mistakes had consequences—sometimes fatal. As a result, we developed an acute sensitivity to risk and negative feedback. The amygdala, which is responsible for processing fear, activates when we anticipate failure, triggering stress responses (LeDoux, 2012).

This instinct helped us survive, but in modern life, it often misfires. Today’s “mistakes” are rarely life-threatening. Missing a deadline isn’t the same as misreading a lion’s mood. Yet, our brains still respond as if both are equally dangerous. This outdated wiring can paralyze us, even in low-risk situations.

Moreover, group belonging was crucial for survival. Being ostracized from the tribe could mean death. Consequently, mistakes that jeopardize social standing—even now—trigger intense anxiety. This is why embarrassment can feel physically painful. Evolutionary pressure encourages us to remain in the tribe’s good graces.

Shifting the Mindset: From Error to Insight

So what should we do? The answer isn’t to ignore mistakes, but rather to shift our relationship with them.

Normalize them.

Mistakes are not a reflection of moral failure; they are a source of information. The most successful people in any field view errors as feedback, not condemnation. Psychologist Carol Dweck’s concept of the growth mindset is key: Believing abilities can be developed allows us to see mistakes as stepping stones, not roadblocks (Dweck, 2006).

See mistakes as launch pads for resilience.

In our book, The Power of Resilience, we argue that mistakes are essential for building inner strength (Brooks & Goldstein, 2004). We encourage a mindset that sees mistakes not as fixed flaws but as opportunities to reflect, adapt, and grow. When we guide children—or ourselves—to view setbacks through this lens, we reinforce problem-solving, perseverance, and self-confidence. We emphasize that resilience is not about avoiding failure but mastering the recovery process.

Create safe zones.

People thrive when they feel safe taking risks in schools, homes, and workplaces. Leaders who model vulnerability and acknowledge their own mistakes cultivate cultures of innovation and resilience. When people aren’t punished for failing, they become bolder, more creative, and more engaged.

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Learn how to fail well.

It’s not about failing fast; it’s about failing intelligently. That means analyzing what went wrong, identifying the controllable factors, and iterating. Learning to ask, “What did this teach me?” turns every mistake into a lesson plan.

Train your brain.

Mindfulness practices can help rewire our responses to errors. By pausing before reacting, we can interrupt the automatic fear response and approach the situation with curiosity instead of panic.

The Way Forward

We can’t erase our fear of mistakes—it’s too deeply ingrained in our biology. However, we can choose how we interpret and respond to them. When we begin treating errors as data points rather than disasters, we open the door to personal and collective growth.

The truth is, you can’t get better at anything without messing up. Every innovation, breakthrough, and success story is built on many mistakes. The only absolute failure is not learning from them.