When Your College Student Loses a Friend to Suicide

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Your daughter April calls you, crying.

“My ex-boyfriend killed himself. My friend who goes to the same college called to tell me. I knew he was feeling depressed when I broke up with him last month, but he never mentioned wanting to kill himself. He was seeing a psychiatrist and said he was starting to feel better. What if the breakup triggered this? I feel like it’s my fault.”

Over the 30 years of my providing psychiatric care to college students, I have seen many students suffer the loss of a friend to suicide. April’s story is especially challenging, as the suicide happened soon after the breakup.

How Often Does a College Student Lose a Friend to Suicide?

Unfortunately, suicide rates for young adults have increased in the last two decades. As of 2023, the suicide rate for people aged 15-24 was 13.5/100,000 per year.

On average, 135 people are emotionally impacted by a person’s suicide. These 135 may include family, close friends, the immediate community, and people who have met this person at some point. The level of impact depends on your closeness to the person.

The Emotional Impact of a Friend’s Suicide

After a friend’s suicide, students go through a grieving process, and they may also experience guilt, as April did. Sometimes students have the onset of a depressive or anxiety episode after this event. While people who attempt suicide feel they are a burden to others, depression often masks their ability to see how important their presence is in the lives of others and how painful their absence will be. In fact, there are several emotional impacts of this tragic event.

In the college setting, when a student dies by suicide on campus, there is a risk of “contagion,” when suicides increase because someone on the edge of suicide feels more ready to act. Colleges have developed postvention plans to support students, offer additional counseling services, and let students know how to get help. Even in the general community, the suicide of a celebrity can lead to a short-term increase in suicide rates.

People more closely tied to someone who dies by suicide may struggle with suicidal thoughts. It’s very important to get immediate help. Most campuses have crisis numbers, and the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 988 is also a good number to call. Usually, students can meet with a campus counselor if they are in crisis. These students need to work closely with a therapist and possibly a psychiatrist.

What You Can Do to Help as a Parent

Here are steps you can take if you become aware of your child losing a friend or classmate to suicide.

1. Ask your child how they are doing since the death and if they want to talk about it.
2. Check in with them more often than you normally do.
3. Encourage them to talk with a campus or community therapist if they are struggling in any way. There are also support groups that your child can join through the Association for Suicide Prevention.
4. Be watchful for any change in mood or school functioning. In my experience, sometimes friends don’t react right away as they may be busy with school. Their sadness may emerge later.
5. If they describe feeling responsible or guilty, remind them that suicide is a complex behavior in response to overwhelming pain. We may never know the causes for this behavior. In fact, 44 percent of suicide attempts are spur-of-the-moment decisions.

When I hear my patients’ stories of losing a friend to suicide, I feel compassion for the suffering of the patient as well as their friend who died. I always wish that those who ended their life could have known that the pain would pass. That most people who attempt suicide and survive do not go on to die by suicide; in other words, they choose to live. That if they have longstanding depression, there are new medications and treatments to help. We, as mental health providers and parents, can help our students cope with these tragic events and ensure that during difficult times, they are doing their own mental health check-in and are guided by hope.

©2025 Marcia Morris

Details have been altered to protect patient privacy.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. In the U.S., for help 24/7, dial 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, go to 988lifeline.org, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. Outside of the U.S., visit the International Resources page for suicide hotlines in your country. To find a therapist near you, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.