18 Mental-Health Discussion Starters for Kids Home From College

Source: Miriam Garcia/Used with permission

“Fine.”

If that’s the only answer ever get from your college student, then it’s time to up your game on what to ask and how to listen.

Letting students know that their mental health is important—not just their grades or resume-builders—helps them understand you aren’t just prying into their lives, but that you genuinely care and understand what a struggle it can be to stay mentally healthy in college.

Picking a time when they aren’t exhausted or running off to the next thing is essential. Accepting that they might reject a question, and not pushing it, is respectful and will set you up for success the next time. It helps to be thoughtful about framing your questions as open-ended—the type which requires more than a yes-or-no answer.

When it comes to talking about issues that impact mental health, it can be challenging to come up with appropriate questions, especially if they are outside the topics usually covered in discussions. Here are some ideas for conversation starters that cover the gamut of college wellness practices:

Physical health

• "What makes it harder or easier to get a good night's sleep at school?”

• “What are your creative solutions for finding food that feels nourishing on campus?”

• (for non-athletes) “What were your favorite ways to get movement into your busy schedule?”

• (for athletes) “What was the best part of being on the team? How do you feel it impacted your physical health?”

Time management

• “What places on campus are your favorites for studying? Why do you think they work so well for you?”

• “How did you create a study routine that worked for you? I know that is super challenging.”

• “If procrastination was ever a problem for you, do you know why? How did you tackle it?”

• “What were the times or places that worked for you to get some quiet time by yourself?”

Relationships

• “How did it go meeting people that seem like your people?”

• “What were the most fun events on campus for you?”

• “Which clubs or activities were most interesting for you?”

• “What surprised you, if anything, about making new friends?"

Identity

• “Was your heart or soul longing for something that was easy or hard to find on campus?”

• “Would you want to talk about a time that you saw something that went against your values?”

• (for families with a faith tradition) “How did you feel about [our faith's] student group events?”

Managing difficult thoughts and emotions

• “We know stress is an everyday thing in college; would you be willing to tell me how you handle it? What stress reducers feel the best to you?”

• “I know that issues such as perfectionism or negative self-judgment or comparing yourself to others can be common. How did you cope with them?”

• “College can be such an emotional roller coaster. How did you handle the emotional ups and downs?”

How to listen well

After asking a well-thought-out question, perhaps the most important point to remember is to listen with a whole heart.

Practically speaking, listening well means:

• listening with intention and focus
• not interrupting
• letting some silences happen because folks might not be done talking
• refraining from giving advice unless directly asked
• having body language that is open and welcoming (unless you are in the car, where many conversations happen successfully)
• putting your phone on silent and not looking at it

We build quality relationships by demonstrating interest through asking thoughtful questions and showing awareness, understanding, and empathy in our listening. It can seem especially tender with college students, but the rewards and connections are priceless.