Parenting
The 5 People Most Likely to Become a Helicopter Parent
How childhood experiences can affect our caregiving.
Posted December 8, 2025 Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
Key points
- Overparenting, also called helicoptering, insulates children from challenges they need to grow.
- A parent's childhood experiences, such as abuse or neglect, can lead to helicopter behavior.
- Parents with anxiety disorders that compromise their decision-making should focus on healing and/or therapy.
Helicopter parents. Lawnmower parents. Cosseting parents. Whatever you call them, they seem to be everywhere these days.
He’s the parent who proudly helps his son take a science project out of the car, bragging to the other parents that he (i.e., the parent) was up all night working on it. She’s the mother who, at an extended family gathering, listens intently to questions Aunt Sally is asking of her darling girl, then answers them before her daughter has a chance to struggle through a child-appropriate response. He’s the parent who calls his son’s college professor to argue about a D he earned on a paper, instead of allowing the adult child to work it out for himself.
Helicoptering, which in clinical practice some call “overparenting,” is characterized by a parent or guardian “helping” and “supervising” the child so much that the child is insulated from challenges they need to face to grow. Age-appropriate struggle is absolutely essential in a child’s healthy development, and without it, immaturity can settle in that stymies development.
How is it that some parents can’t see what’s happening?
It can be hard for any parent to see the difference between appropriate care and mild helicoptering, especially in today’s world, full of dangers online and in school.
There are some parents, however, whose personality type or background makes them more likely to slip into unhealthy habits and take helicoptering to the extreme.
Anxiety, to various degrees, is a key component of many helicopter parents. Anxiety disorders, which interfere with adult functioning generally, can also compromise good parenting decisions and fuel the engine of a helicopter parent—in fact, anxiety disorders can be almost blinding.
If a person’s anxiety accompanies difficult memories from their own childhood—or an impoverished sense of self—helicoptering is more likely.
1. Adults who grew up with parents whose love was conditional
Adults who grew up believing a parent would stop loving them if they didn’t win the high school science fair or grace the field on Homecoming night as queen often go into parenthood with a deep fear that their child will feel unloved by others. Although they might lavish unconditional love on their child, trying to erase the problems of their own childhood, they see the society around their child as full of people who will withdraw regard if the child doesn’t fit in, look good, and shine in comparison to peers. As a result, this type of parent is at risk of attempting to give their child an advantage that will ensure positive regard from teachers, other children, and relatives.
2. People who were mistreated as children
Abuse has long-lasting effects on a person. People who suffered physical abuse as children are more likely to develop an anxiety disorder. A fear that the child will experience abuse at the hands of others could make a parent more susceptible to saying “no” when little Jimmy asks if he can play soccer or pull little Janie out of a playground situation before she can deal with conflict herself. They often harbor a deep fear of what will happen to their child if they struggle.
3. Adults who were neglected as children
Neglect as a child is a powerful injury to any child, and it leaves lifelong marks on an adult. Some people who experienced neglect as children grow up to be adults with poor boundaries, as they never learned what a healthy relationship with a parent looked like. For this reason, they don’t notice when they’ve trampled on their child’s boundaries—boundaries that are essential for any young person to develop a sense of self. They might read a diary with the desire to “truly know everything” that’s going on in a child’s life or use manipulation and guilt to get a child to show them the closeness they desired as children. This type of parent often has trouble with boundaries with teachers and tries to intervene when their child needs to advocate for themselves.
4. People who grew up in financially insecure circumstances
Parents who experienced poverty as children can grow up to be adults who want to give their children what they didn’t have. Anxiety is more likely in adults who experienced frequent financial insecurity as children. As adults, they tend to fear vulnerability in general, which can manifest in overcontrol. Sometimes this manifests as a parent’s tendency to attempt to shield their child from disappointment. Other parents may become the kind of helicopter parent who attempts to ensure future financial stability by attending their grown child’s job interview or contacting human resources when they think their child has been treated unfairly.
5. Narcissistic parents
Narcissists are overinvolved for a different reason. They tend to see the child as an extension of themselves. In the narcissist’s mind, the child needs to succeed at all costs because that will reflect well on the parent. When little Johnny or little Suzie doesn’t succeed, it can shake the flimsy self-concept of the parent, who has convinced themselves that their superior parenting has created a superior child. To avoid this intense discomfort, this type of helicoptering parent will complete homework for their child, do science projects, and volunteer in their child’s activities so that they can influence their child’s performance and evaluation. If bolstering their child’s success results in promoting the parent's social standing, this negative behavior can become entrenched.
Childhood baggage doesn’t have to derail good parenting
Parents can be overinvolved for a number of reasons, but a common culprit can be anxiety. Anxiety tends to produce hypervigilance—a need to anticipate and remove every possible threat. Whether born in trauma, neglect, mistreatment, or insecurity, it poses a challenge to parenting.
What can you do if you have an anxiety disorder that you believe is affecting your parenting? Paradoxically, focusing on yourself as opposed to your child is key.
Several steps can help:
- Determine the source of your anxiety (e.g., consider short-term therapy, parent education classes).
- Learn strategies to manage your anxiety (e.g., mindfulness, exercise, routine, deep breathing, muscle relaxation).
- Accept anxiety as part of raising children. Childhood involves struggle, and no child makes progress conflict-free—and parents who love them suffer along with them.
A word of caution: Age-appropriate struggle is good for a child. Challenging life experiences build confidence and promote the development of good coping strategies. However, too much struggle or too little struggle is not good for a child. The key is moderation.
You can learn more about moderation parenting by reading my book, Childhood Narcissism: Strategies to Raise Unselfish, Unentitled, and Empathetic Children.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
