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Over my 21-year career as a police officer and undercover SVU detective, I have encountered more than my share of lies and liars. Understandably, when criminals are caught, they logically wish to distance themselves from their acts. However, lies do not have to have a legitimate reason, they can come for absolutely no logical reason whatsoever.
Consider pseudologia fantastica, pathological lying. The habitual liar who seemingly lies for no good reason. I once asked an individual who had told me repeated lies, "Why do you always lie to me?" His reply was eerily blunt, "I do not know, it just happens."
Studies have shown that pathological liars may be born of trauma to the brain, central nervous system complications, or, perhaps, personality disorders. Whatever the reason, interacting with a pathological liar is a challenge.
What do pathological liars lie about? Most anything, and for no apparent reason. Depending on who you read, the reasons for lying can vary and may list many reasons. In my 20-plus years of actually interacting with liars, I have developed the Three Reason Deception that simply classifies the basic lying types and reason.
The first of the Three Reason Deception is that of the "White Lies." These lies typically do not cause any detrimental effects when told. These lies can consist of simply telling someone their suit looks nice when it actually looks horrible or telling children about Santa or perhaps the Easter Bunny. Yes, these are lies, but none will generally cause any issues.
The second in the Three Reason Deception is that of "Stay Out of Trouble." In this classification, lies are typically told to keep the individual or someone else out of trouble. Say the company furnishes free bottled water for its employees and someone goes to get a bottle of water to find one bottle remaining. They get the bottle and sit in the break room. Another employee comes into the break room, goes to the cooler, and discovers that the last bottle is gone—they saw it in there earlier. This employee is obviously agitated and turns to ask who took the last bottle. Obviously worried, the individual who took the last bottle states that he did not know. He lied. He lied to keep out of trouble with the other employee.
The third is "Criminal." These lies fall in the criminal category. Perhaps someone at work is asked if she took 10 dollars from the sales counter and she replies, "No." But, indeed she did.
Most people fall into the first and some in the second category and, thankfully, fewer in the latter. Unfortunately, the pathological liar will lie in all categories.
How do we deal with a pathological liar?
Understand, up front, any attempt to approach them about their lying may be met with denial of their lies. Approaching them head-on, will almost always prove futile.
Mostly, dealing with a pathological liar lies with you.
One action you may take is to curtail conversational engagement with them once you observe a lie.
Do not take it personally, a pathological liar will lie to almost everyone, it is not you.
Chill. Being lied to is aggravating and frustrating, do not allow it to get to you.
Do not argue with them. They live in a fantasy world or a world where they are psychologically unbalanced and arguing with them leads to a dead-end and potentially endless, argument.
Depending on your relationship with the person, you may suggest they seek a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist, but do not expect to be met with acceptance of that suggestion.
The pathological liar is a challenge, but you can make your way through the lying quagmire by following these simple steps.
