Relationships
Finding a New Normal After Cancer Treatment
Coping with changing relationships after cancer treatment.
Posted December 26, 2022 Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster
Key points
- Your relationship with your cancer team will change as you enter survivorship.
- Speak up about your concerns to your cancer team and ask for resources to help.
- Cancer survivor communities can normalize your experience and provide support.
Your relationship with your treatment team will change as you move into survivorship. For example, you may notice less frequent visits with your physician or that you see other members of the team, like physician’s assistants (PAs) or nurse practitioners (NPs). You might also notice that your visits become less intense or that you feel "let loose." This change can feel both liberating and unsettling after weeks or months of this team directing every moment of your life.
Setting Expectations
At the end of your cancer treatment, setting expectations with your team for your future care can be helpful. Often this is presented in a document called a survivorship care plan. A survivorship care plan provides a summary of your treatment, expected side effects, plan for monitoring for recurrence, recommended follow-up plan, and helpful resources. If your team does not provide a care plan, you can create your own here or here. Discuss this plan with your provider and your primary care physician.
Ask for help.
Sometimes I hear from patients that they feel their provider rushed through an appointment or brushed aside their complaints. If you feel something is important and that your provider isn’t “getting it,” say politely but firmly, “I'm struggling, and I need your help." This phrase stops most caring providers in their tracks. If it doesn’t, ask to speak with a social worker, counselor, or nurse navigator. Your concerns are important, and you deserve answers.
Speak up!
In survivorship, your symptoms and needs become important drivers of the conversation. Like any other person, providers cannot read minds, so if something is bothering you (even if it feels like a silly question!), be sure to ask. As a rule, if you’ve asked “Dr. Google,” you should ask your provider. You can also state your preferences and goals.
Relating how a concern is impacting your day-to-day life can be helpful to your provider. For example, "Most nights, the nerves in my feet hurt so bad that I can't sleep. I'm so tired at work. I'm worried I'm going to make a mistake. What solutions do you have that can help with the pain and not make me a zombie during the day?"
Find your people.
You may notice changes in your personal relationships as you transition back to "normal." Cancer treatment can be a scary, isolating experience where even the people who love you the most can’t understand exactly what you went through.
Talking with other cancer survivors in a moderated setting like a support group, art class, or vetted online forum can be helpful. Even if you don’t say a word, hearing other people’s stories validates your experience and shows you that you are not alone. If you are uncomfortable with a group setting, individual counseling can help you develop important coping skills and address your emotional concerns.
In summary, your relationships will change as you enter cancer survivorship. You will have fewer frequent doctor visits, and reporting new concerns to your providers is important. Connecting with other cancer survivors or seeking individual counseling can help you process your experience and move forward into wellness.
To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
