Brothers, Sisters, Strangers

Autism

A Hidden Cause of Troubled Family Relationships

Fern Schumer Chapman on May 31, 2023

Undiagnosed autism limits the emotional connection of adult relationships in the family; it could be a hidden cause of troubled relationships.

Undiagnosed autism limits the emotional connection of adult relationships in the family; it could be a hidden cause of troubled relationships.

Relationships

Choosing Between Authenticity and Attachment

Fern Schumer Chapman on May 3, 2023

We have a need for attachment and a need for authenticity, but some people chose to abandon their true selves to please others, inside or outside of their families.

We have a need for attachment and a need for authenticity, but some people chose to abandon their true selves to please others, inside or outside of their families.

Grief

Grieving the Death of an Estranged Family Member

Fern Schumer Chapman on April 10, 2023

The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers?

The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers?

Family Dynamics

4 Factors That Define Sibling Relationships

Fern Schumer Chapman on March 21, 2023

A new book explores how the quality and emotional tone of sibling relationships in childhood helps explain adult connections with lovers, friends, and coworkers.

A new book explores how the quality and emotional tone of sibling relationships in childhood helps explain adult connections with lovers, friends, and coworkers.

Family Dynamics

How Siblings Contribute to "The Good Life"

Fern Schumer Chapman on February 28, 2023

A new book establishes that good relationships — especially with siblings — keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.

A new book establishes that good relationships — especially with siblings — keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.

Family Dynamics

3 Hidden Influences on Sibling Relationships

Fern Schumer Chapman on February 13, 2023

Difficult sibling relationships and estrangement often are tainted by three hidden influences: personalization, core beliefs, and trauma bonding.

Difficult sibling relationships and estrangement often are tainted by three hidden influences: personalization, core beliefs, and trauma bonding.

Bullying

Prince Harry's Tell-All Memoir Spotlights Sibling Bullying

Fern Schumer Chapman on January 25, 2023

Prince Harry's new memoir spotlights sibling bullying, which can include shaming, harassing, belittling, name-calling, and threatening behavior.

Prince Harry's new memoir spotlights sibling bullying, which can include shaming, harassing, belittling, name-calling, and threatening behavior.

Relationships

Why So Many Families Are Living With Estrangement

Fern Schumer Chapman on January 2, 2023

The holidays are a roll call for families, but some members don't show up due to estrangement. Polls show estrangement is common, and political differences often cause the divide.

The holidays are a roll call for families, but some members don't show up due to estrangement. Polls show estrangement is common, and political differences often cause the divide.

Family Dynamics

The Anguish of Not Knowing Why a Sibling Cuts You Off

Fern Schumer Chapman on December 20, 2022

Without understanding the reason for a cutoff, shunned siblings feel their reality and emotions are invalidated. They are rendered voiceless.

Without understanding the reason for a cutoff, shunned siblings feel their reality and emotions are invalidated. They are rendered voiceless.

Stress

The Desire to Appear “Perfect” Amps Up Family Holiday Stress

Fern Schumer Chapman on December 2, 2022

During the holidays, relatives may use toxic positivity to project an image of the perfect family. This form of group gaslighting leads to inauthentic, distant relationships.

During the holidays, relatives may use toxic positivity to project an image of the perfect family. This form of group gaslighting leads to inauthentic, distant relationships.

Family Dynamics

How Men and Women Cope With Sibling Estrangement

Fern Schumer Chapman on November 18, 2022

Men can be just as upset as women about sibling estrangement, but, for a variety of reasons, and they may not know how to talk about it.

Men can be just as upset as women about sibling estrangement, but, for a variety of reasons, and they may not know how to talk about it.

Family Dynamics

How Writing It Out Can Help Estranged Siblings Cope With Grief

Fern Schumer Chapman on November 10, 2022

Focused journal exercises offer estranged siblings an opportunity to gain important insight and discover resilience and truths.

Focused journal exercises offer estranged siblings an opportunity to gain important insight and discover resilience and truths.

Addiction

How Chaotic, Abusive Childhoods Lead to Estrangement

Fern Schumer Chapman on October 19, 2022

Children raised in chaotic, abusive, or neglectful families run a great risk of estrangement in adulthood.

Children raised in chaotic, abusive, or neglectful families run a great risk of estrangement in adulthood.

Family Dynamics

4 Major Challenges for Siblings When a Parent Falls Ill

Fern Schumer Chapman on October 4, 2022

The crisis of a parent’s passing can resurrect conflicts and patterns of relating that can lead to sibling estrangement.

The crisis of a parent’s passing can resurrect conflicts and patterns of relating that can lead to sibling estrangement.

Grief

Why a Family Cutoff Can Produce Both Grief and Relief

Fern Schumer Chapman on September 23, 2022

Death and estrangement can produce contradictory feelings of guilt, shame, relief, and longing—the rarely discussed grief of ambivalent loss.

Death and estrangement can produce contradictory feelings of guilt, shame, relief, and longing—the rarely discussed grief of ambivalent loss.

Family Dynamics

How to Mourn an Estranged Sibling Relationship

Fern Schumer Chapman on September 16, 2022

The estranged often remain in “frozen grief,” experiencing all the emotions of mourning, yet never reaching resolution. How can the estranged move forward?

The estranged often remain in “frozen grief,” experiencing all the emotions of mourning, yet never reaching resolution. How can the estranged move forward?

Relationships

How Family Estrangement Affects Our Other Relationships

Fern Schumer Chapman on September 2, 2022

Estrangement isn’t just a cutoff from a family member; it can be a deep trauma that ripples through all other relationships. 

Estrangement isn’t just a cutoff from a family member; it can be a deep trauma that ripples through all other relationships. 

Family Dynamics

3 Ways Siblings Stay Stuck in Toxic Relationships

Fern Schumer Chapman on August 16, 2022

Rosy memories and unrealistic hopes can justify a toxic relationship—especially when they’re supported by destructive thought patterns.

Rosy memories and unrealistic hopes can justify a toxic relationship—especially when they’re supported by destructive thought patterns.

Self-Esteem

5 Ways That Family Estrangement Can Inflict Lifelong Harm

Fern Schumer Chapman on August 5, 2022

Some relationships are too toxic to sustain, but the estranged often suffer a loss of self-esteem, trust, and well-being.

Some relationships are too toxic to sustain, but the estranged often suffer a loss of self-esteem, trust, and well-being.

Family Dynamics

The Shame and Isolation of Sibling Estrangement

Fern Schumer Chapman on July 25, 2022

The estranged feel socially disenfranchised and judged by a culture that expects family cohesion, and they internalize this shame.

The estranged feel socially disenfranchised and judged by a culture that expects family cohesion, and they internalize this shame.