Bridging Generations: Embracing Modern Grandparenting

“Back in my day, we didn’t hold babies so much,” and “All I did was suggest some better ways of feeding the baby.” I hear these common statements, and many others, from the grandparents with whom I work in my clinical practice as a psychologist when they seek therapy for estrangement with their adult children.

Grandparenting in a Changing World

Becoming a grandparent is one of life’s most rewarding experiences — a chance to love, nurture, and create cherished memories with the next generation. But grandparenting today looks quite different than it did a few decades ago. Parenting approaches have shifted dramatically since the 1990s, with new approaches around eating, screen time, sleep routines, and emotional development.

As a psychologist and a new grandfather, I frequently reflect on the changing landscape of grandparenting. In my clinical practice, I work with many multigenerational families, helping them navigate complex family dynamics to have close, loving relationships with their adult children and grandchildren. I often find that the grandparents want to connect with their adult children and grandchildren, but sometimes in ways that are not conducive to building close relationships.

This series, Bridging Three Generations, will explore the joys and some of the complexities of grandparenting in the modern age — focusing on ways of maintaining strong relationships, respecting parental boundaries, and fostering meaningful connections with grandchildren.

Many grandparents quickly notice that the parenting approaches they once used — or that were used on them — have dramatically evolved. For example, when my kids were babies, we had bumpers in their cribs and put them down to sleep on their stomachs or sides – never on their backs. Based on research on sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) (Moon, R.Y. et al., 2016), babies are now placed on their backs to sleep in cribs without bumpers or toys. This change has dramatically decreased the incidence of SIDS.

Today’s parenting, influenced by research in child development, prioritizes attachment, emotional regulation, and responsive parenting. Practices like sleep training are now more child-centered, emphasizing comfort and connection rather than focusing primarily on maintaining a schedule. Parents are also more likely to avoid punitive discipline, opting instead for positive reinforcement and emotional coaching.

These shifts sometimes confuse grandparents who believe their tried-and-true methods worked just fine. Comments like, “We never did that, and you turned out fine,” can quickly create tension if grandparents inadvertently undermine their adult children’s parenting choices.

How my wife and I parented in the 1990s was based on what we were told by our pediatrician, the popular books of our time, and what we learned about human development in college and graduate school. Compared to us, parents these days have so many more resources available to them, i.e., books, podcasts, Instagram, the internet, etc., that it can be overwhelming to decide on parenting strategies.

As I navigate this new role as a grandfather, I constantly seek to understand the latest best practices and resources. In my clinical practice, I often hear from grandparents that they want to share knowledge of how they parented or how they themselves were parented. Still, the key is sharing in the right ways, not diminishing the parents' role but respecting the parents’ approaches. In addition, I often share some of the newer approaches to parenting with the grandparents with whom I work to help them have more knowledge and confidence in these areas.

In future posts, I will discuss some of the newer resources that are out there for parents that grandparents might find helpful, too.

Closing Thoughts

Bridging three generations — your own, your adult children’s, and your grandchildren’s — is both a privilege and a challenge. The cultural shifts in parenting from the 1990s to today have created a new dynamic for grandparents, requiring adaptability and thoughtful communication.

By respecting boundaries, being intentional about communication, and prioritizing connection over correction, you can foster deep and loving relationships with both your adult children and your grandchildren. In the upcoming posts of this series, I’ll dive deeper into topics like long-distance grandparenting, handling discipline differences, and creating meaningful traditions.

Family Dynamics Essential Reads

Breaking Bad: Moving Beyond Enmeshment

Are You the Family Whistleblower?

Grandparenting is not just about reliving the past — it’s about creating new memories while supporting the family system as it evolves. The key is staying connected and curious and offering love without conditions.