How Can We Support Asperger's Students In Their Schools?

"Worse than not realizing the dreams of your youth, would be to have been young and never dreamed at all." — Jean Genet

Many students with Aspergers are falling through the cracks and being mislabeled and mistreated; their opportunities to dream placed in the shadows of narrow minded developmental boxes wherein educators deem them trouble makers instead of warriors seeking to avoid confusion, meltdowns, and fear. As an educator and Director of Student Affairs at a school and nonforprofit program for children and adults with Autism and other developmental differences I come across a lot of mind boggling and soul touching stories... I am most struck recently by students whose behavioral challenges directly correlate to their neurological profile yet are held against them. These students are systematically being punished and/or neglected instead of being supported and given the necessary tools to fill in the social-emotional, sensory, and focus gaps that impact them in a less blatant way then individuals who are nonverbal or severely motorically delayed. Students are coming to us labeled as misfits or out of control, they are being asked to leave their schools, forced on to medications, and deprived of scaffolding supports to address their learning styles simply because they appear not to want to learn... But, who craves learning when the experience is one of embarrassment, shame, and disregard for challenges that simply seem "less than" those in need of more typical services for more severe symptoms? The range of the Autism spectrum is more vast then people care to accept and pay for and provide individualized education and behavioral supports for. Our students are entitled to healing and positivity in a school setting even when their behaviors make us question their intentions and abilities. We cannot assume our kids have a full understanding of right and wrong without fully assessing how they take in information, what social morays they have been exposed to, how they have been dealt with by schools, family, and peers. Often at the core of intense opposition is a fear of trust that should not be expanded upon with blame and consequences that further their lack of self esteem but instead should be handled with unconditional love, acceptance, and alternatives that will boost their ego and fill the void that creates the need for aggressive actions in the first place. Yes, we have to address the behavior and teach natural consequences, but we must also remember that our children are NOT their behavior, the behavior is the indication of what they need to show us their truest selves - the behavior is a map to liberation and even temperament and rationale. I am on a mission to highlight this population of students who are so misrepresented and to instill in educators and administrators a new enthusiasm to help them thrive not just to pass the buck and hope for the best. There is no cultural structure to an education system that passes students on and leads them blindly to the next school or program with an out of sight out of mind attitude so they have a career of beginnings and no follow through.

World renowned healer Aleta St. James is on a journey to educate others to be more sensitive to this group of students who deserve more attention and more help! Aleta is the author of Life Shift: Let Go and Live Your Dream. She is also well known for having her twins at age 57, an unheard of physical phenomenon in America! She is spirited and spiritual offering enlightenment to many from her journeys around the world. It is with this light and strength that she has been able to fight and advocate for her son who has Asperger’s and struggles with a sensory and social wiring that makes typical interactions a challenge.You would think the community, schools and programs would be eager to help, but he is one of many youth who falls into a vortex of indecision for many administrators and educators. He is less impacted (classically people refer to this as high functioning but I believe this term is too vague and not respectful enough to the individuals it is meant to describe) than your classic "Autistic" preteen. He can dress himself and he is verbal. In writing to a psychologist about his case I was appalled that they didn't understand the complexity of his profile. I wrote the following:

"I have been in touch one of your colleagues who referred me to you regarding this student... While he is physically able to feed and dress himself and is thankfully not challenged by being nonverbal... His social, emotional, behavioral and executive functioning challenges are severe enough to make it impossible for him to travel without intensive supervision, to participate in neurotypical recreational programs, or attend a traditional school setting. I have attached his iep cover stating his diagnosis of Autism and am available to speak or have you come for a visit to meet him if it will help.... It is unfortunate that students who have less academic/cognitive struggles are penalized and neglected because their neurological challenges present in aggression, mental health, and lack of social understanding. I am hopeful you will help this family find the support needed to help ... him feel supported, safe, and able to thrive ..."

That I even had to write this, was mind boggling... that some families don't have anyone to help them or write on their behalf... heartbreaking.

back to the schools...

Aleta knew her son was hurting after leaving his previous school setting. He had been going there for nearly his entire life and despite some challenges, longed for acceptance as he transitioned into our school. Many families of these "in between" children are waiting for a change, for someone to shed the light on the challenge at hand. Aleta saw the change in her son after a short period with us and wanted to know why others weren't focusing on these supports. She wanted to know why his previous school had not risen to the occasion and helped him transition into a new placement with more care and consideration. She wanted more than an email and a bon voyage. While I didn't consider that our strategies were so significantly different than other places, discussions with Aleta and other families made it clear; this population of student is being misrepresented and inappropriately handled and we were doing something different.

In many other programs, families are being called to pick their kids up when behaviors become too challenging and asked to figure out the protocols for the caregivers and schools when it should be the other way around. So now we are highlighting our educational and emotionally supportive beliefs and letting the public hear more about what we do, and why we do it. In a mere 3 months of being with us, Aleta's son dramatically shifted into a more optimistic phase letting go of what seemed to be post traumatic stress symptoms from having been so anxious and misunderstood in his previous school when all of their strategies simply missed the mark and neglected his sensory needs and what tactics work best for a student with Aspergers. He had been set up to fail and needed to believe success was possible. He began to trust us even in his most challenging moments. Finally, communication felt as safe. Together, Aleta, my team and I are sounding the call that differently abled does not disclude children with oppositional defiance, fight or flight mechanisms, or intermittent explosive disorder... it is not only for those with physical health challenges, or lack of language. There are many students that fall into this category. Does it seem fair that they should be punished for having needs that go outside the classic definitions of Autism? Instead of being labeled as a trouble makers, or told they should know better, should they not be given the tools to heal? to access better choices? therapy and mechanisms to ease outbursts without punishment? Should we not allow them to have the supports needed to be considered typical before they are judged as typical? These students are reaching out, learning and trying to trust the world that has not been all that trustworthy. This is a population of students that need their own identification and their own protocols and supports. Aleta and our team are advocating and hoping that other parents, schools, and caregivers will take heed and join this movement to make sure others don't have to wait so long to help their kids be seen, loved, and supported for who they are, not just how they act! The following letters speak to the efforts of mom, son and myself to execute change... After leaving his school placement, Aleta's son lost contact with his friends, wanted to know his previous teachers and administration still liked him and would see him at his new school despite the meltdowns that led to his leaving...

Mom wrote: "I hope your year is off to a good start. Please find attached a letter from my son to his previous classmates. His birthday is coming up and he is eager to know his friends from last year still have access to knowing him and participating in his birthday. He has been working very hard and made good strides, I believe he is looking for redemption and has a lot emotionally invested in the idea that he can prove his growth and gain forgiveness and a chance to show his improvements. If it is possible for this to be shared that would be wonderful as I know you said it is a challenge for him to come in person at this point. I thank you for your consideration of this. "Aleta was hopeful and unsure what would happen but knew the loneliness her son felt. For me the fact that such a young boy was seeking redemption for challenges that were out of his control was heart wrenching...

her son wrote:

"Dear Friends, I haven't seen you in many months but I remember all of you ... I miss you all so much. I'm sorry for the bad times but I still love you all. I'm in a new school and I am much better and Happier but I have 0 friends. I wish we could have play dates and you can come to my birthday party in early November. Please let me know if you would like to have a play date and also if you want to come to my party.i miss you all so much i wish I can see you All .I want to have fun with my old friends like B and T. I hope I can see you All. Love X "

We asked that the letter be shared at school... the note was sent home in old classmates' bookbags. Aleta wanted this to work. The school had promised they would come see her son when he transitioned to our program, that they would still be present. This proved to be a challenge, plans were broken, and Aleta's son was left to cope with his feelings and new program without the supports he had known for nearly 8 years. His mom knew she had to hold people accountable and let them know how important it is to be prepared for kids like her son and with his needs, how much the kids and families benefit from communication and support during a transition, and that just because the child is out of the school, the caring should continue!

She wrote: "May this email find you both happy and living a creatively inspired life. I am sure as teachers and educators you are thrilled to know that my son has had a phenomenal turn around at Atlas... Besides all the one and one focus of teachers, music, art therapists, a psychologist who is geared towards working with the Autistic population, he is also getting his Neuro therapy and reflex integration work on a daily basis. I know we all tried our best to make the structure at your school work for him but obviously and I am saying this without blame it has its limitations when working with this population. A population that is growing rapidly. The statistics are showing 1 out of 10. It is not these children's faults that they are dealing with the challenge of being born Autistic. Unfortunately for the most part we don't have educational systems set up that can really help this population navigate in our typically developing world and reach their highest potential. We are forced to put them into educational models that don't serve them, which now as a mother having experienced it I am now passionately advocating to change. I can only imagine that it is frustrating for you as well to be battling with melt downs and negative behavior when you are dedicated to teaching children with challenges to reach their highest potential. Before my son was ten he was suspended from school at least 7 times in a special needs school. That is mind boggling. I haven't been called to Atlas once since he started in July. That's not to say there hasn't been upsets but Amanda and her staff is able to work them out and he is growing through them. This is a blessing for any parent and their child that is experiencing the challenge of Autism. I am appealing to you to help him have positive closure with his experience at your school....He has worked so hard over these last 3 months and made such progress it would be devastating to him on all levels if he was shunned by friends that had such a great time at his party last year.... Of course I'm not asking you to force the issue or put any pressure on the parents or the children. What I am asking you to do is not handle this situation as " Out of Sight out of Mind. To be totally honest with you, that's how it felt when you said that you ... would like to visit the school and Amanda and I worked with him to feel comfortable and welcome the idea and you never came. As I said to you in an email, that crushed him. I got no response from either one of you. I understand you have a tremendous work load but I would think that every child's ultimate well being is important to you whether they are with you presently or have gone on to a more appropriate school for their needs. I want to write and speak about a positive closure ...that together we were able to harmoniously and with compassion support his transition so that he did not feel like he failed. Build up his self esteem not carry the cloak of shame. Because bottom line no matter what positive efforts ....were made and the countless emails I wrote on a daily basis to support you with research and my experience of working with my son ... the educational system failed him. If that were not the case he would not be making the spectacular turn around that he is in 3 months.....I believe it is our calling, job and responsibility to help these kids learn, transform and grow through their challenged life to reach their highest potential. This is an opportunity for you to help Amanda, I and the staff to support that positive closure for for my son and open the doors for the reuniting of friendships that were established since pre school. That's how I want that chapter to end in my book and in my talks not the bitter taste of what we experienced over the summer of Out of Sight Out of Mind.... Endings as you know, being administrators are as important as beginnings.

Asperger's Syndrome Essential Reads

A Concern About "Asperger's" Terminology

Neurodivergence

With this strong and beautiful letter, the administration was moved to take action and help the situation. They sent the letter home to the students and happy to say a reunion of epic birthday joy ensued when Aleta’s son had his best friends join him. Aleta continues to support her son's progress from a homeopathic, neurological, and pure love standpoint.... Her son continues to strive for greater understanding and relationships... I tell my staff all the time that we are behavior detectives, that despite the challenges we face in helping our students and dealing with the extreme scope of their highest highs and lowest lows, it is our job to work for them... we clock out at the end of the day, their Autism does not.

Years ago, my own brother and I had a conversation about his aggressive behaviors and mischievous tendencies. I created a persona of choosing "good" above all else, which is honorable yet exhausting and not always easy, while he chose the opposite. In one of our last interactions I asked "Why can't you just be good?" and he replied "Its just too hard being good". I made a vow that as an educator, as an administrator, and as a caring person in life, I would give people the tools needed so that "good" was achievable and not so hard. Like these students with Asperger's my brother could have used help in making better choices and seeing there was an alternative way to act. I want to learn from that... People have dreams to achieve, and school should be a place that fosters the pursuit of happiness through learning, not coping with nightmares and misjudgment. And so with parents like Aleta and children like her son navigating the path seems less intimidating as hope is at hand and the conversation is no longer being overlooked. School can be a sanctuary with approaches that offer unconditional faith in the progress of the kids, constant program modifications and communication among the entire therapeutic team. Now all of our kids can feel like it is safe to dream and they will have a team and community ready to help them achieve them!