How to Live a Good Enough Life

A group-oriented nature makes people more likely to be satisfied at an 80 percent level of happiness. Their wider perspective may lead them to feel just enough happiness and not more than they need. This idea of "just enough" is in line with adopting a good-enough life.

I grew up in a Chinese-Hui household, and my parents did not run around asking us, Are you happy today? They were not concerned with any one family member's happiness levels; instead, they modeled an even-keeled approach to mood for all members. Not up, not down, just steady. They saw my three siblings and me as a network of We, and We were best when even and steady—at 80 percent.

This may be because Eastern cultures are typically collectivist, whereas Western cultures are typically individualistic. Collectivism stresses the importance of the community, while individualism stresses the importance of the individual. A good way to understand the difference is to imagine how a person might view a painting. An individualist might focus on an object in the foreground, while the collectivist might view the painting as a whole. According to research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Westerners see parts while Easterners see wholes. While looking at an aquarium, Easterners are more likely to see background elements like seaweed or a group of fish, while Westerners are more likely to notice the biggest fish.

Lawrence White, a professor of psychology at Beloit College in Wisconsin and author of the book Culture Conscious: Briefings on Culture, Cognition, and Behavior, studies human behavior in various corners of the world. He finds that holistic thinking is more prevalent in cultures that practice Confucian, Buddhist, or Hindu traditions. In holistic philosophy, dark meets light, hot meets cold, and opposites coexist. In terms of happiness, holistic thinking adds a dose of sadness, which makes both emotions feel whole and complete. How do we feel happiness when we don't embrace the sadness?

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We Can Learn From Other Cultures

Researchers like White advance the idea that all cultures can learn from each other. Learning from people from different places will open us up. This approachable view may help us with our mental spirals and ruts. When we are more open, we may find the passion for the things that matter—positive engagement in relationships, work, and life as a whole. We can tap into the cognitive skills that will help move us beyond the pessimism that holds us back.

People want a good life, and this is pursued with a lot of effort, yet the fixation is on life's terrible events. This compulsion toward a negative mindset can be perpetual, and it takes a toll on our mental and physical well-being. A person’s criticisms, gloomy perspectives, and general pessimism wire the brain to promote feelings of anger and anxiety, among other difficult mental states. The stress of negativity is also detrimental to physical health; it raises blood pressure, weakens the immune system, and decreases the capacity to combat inflammation and illness.

However, we can move away from this misery by being aware of and regulating our emotions—hard ones like fear, jealousy, disappointment, and others. This healthy management helps us deal with life’s ambiguity, combat all-or-nothing thinking, do away with hard feelings like shame and guilt, and defy self-sabotage to live a life free of distress.

Here are things that can help us find contentment in being good enough at 80 percent:

• Find what you're good at.
• Usually, it is something that you enjoy doing.
• And this is important: Think about the process, not so much the results.
• It’s even better when you remember what has meaning and value to you.
• Put aside what others say you should do.
• What others say is their business, not yours.

Adapted from the book How to Be Less Miserable. Blackstone Publishing, 2025.

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