How to Handle Uncertainty

We like the predictable, and we want solid ground to stand on, but life is ambiguous and often unforeseeable. We don’t know what will happen from one day to the next.

I had a friend who worried about a lot of things, but she shared her uncertainties about relationships the most. “Will I ever meet someone?” “Will I be alone forever?” “Will I have kids without a partner?” “Would I make enough money to do that?” These kinds of uncertainties alarmed her. I tried to be encouraging as best as I could, but no one could answer these questions with total certainty. The best I could do was listen. People are grateful when we listen to what they have to say.

We know a good life comes with imperfections, but we can still be thrown off by ambiguity. Managing uncertainty is difficult; life happily sends surprises our way—the pandemic, war, inflation, and constant political upheaval.

I lost my job and have no clue how to feed my family.
A 7.4 magnitude earthquake destroyed my home.
A catastrophic illness has befallen a family member, and I am at a loss.
My partner left me without warning, took his belongings, and fled.
My child is heading to college. Now what?

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Many things can change in life, and this can push us into a loop of distress. If we are not firmly standing on our own two feet, uncertainty can take us for a spin. Some people turn to the absolute certainty of extreme religiosity, some prefer conspiracy theories, while others depend on tarot cards and signs. However, no one escapes ambiguity.

The brain prefers simple, cut-and-dried situations. It likes mental shortcuts called heuristics to conserve cognitive efforts—for example, we make quick decisions based on previous experiences. Essentially, the brain likes to simplify its thinking and avoid the difficulties of having mixed feelings. The mind’s inclination towards clarity and simplicity can make it hard on us whenever we’re dealing with any ambiguity. In general, humans tend to have a bias toward the negative when faced with unknowns; this bias can be fueled by doomsday scenarios, which seem plausible when we experience earthquakes, collapsing bridges, freak weather, and other extreme events.

Granted, some people do have an even stronger negative bias than others. A study that appeared in the journal Clinical Psychological Science looked into the negativity we harbor when dealing with uncertainty, and it illustrated connections between uncertainty and rumination. We all want to resolve the uncertainties before us, but the person who is an intense ruminator is more acutely biased toward catastrophic thinking. In effect, he can become incapacitated by the worst-case scenario of what he thinks may come. The researchers also found that people who are full-blown ruminators focus on themselves and their worries, creating a cycle of negative thinking. They immerse themselves in gloomy thoughts and are sure that Armageddon is coming.

Living with Not Knowing

People with low tolerance for the unknown often feel the need for closure. They prefer what is predictable to keep a semblance of order. A study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences examined people with a higher need for closure and found that they are not divergent thinkers.

Divergent thinkers are nimble at finding different ways to tackle a problem. They can come up with a multitude of ways to use a paperclip—for example, such an item can be used as a flathead screwdriver. At the other end, the researchers found that subjects high in the need for closure felt less competent and experienced more negative emotions when solving divergent thinking tasks. If we want to think divergently and creatively, some tolerance for ambiguity and not knowing may be required. The ability to withstand uncertainty can make us more accepting and adaptable, giving us the freedom to learn and grow. To become more tolerant and divergent, we can start by being curious and asking questions.

Other activities, such as storytelling and writing, can also help us out of a hemmed-in and often negative mindset. Hearing a compelling narrative can help us embrace ambiguity. I appreciate a good yarn and can certainly embellish one. While we prepared the evening meal together, my mother often told a story about the old country. I would stop chopping the cabbage to listen more carefully. Listening intently to a good tale got me outside of my head and into the shoes of the people in the story.

A study published in the Creativity Research Journal found that, after reading fiction, subjects felt more tolerant of ambiguity; tolerance can ward us from making snap judgments and regretful decisions. If we are okay with ambiguity, we may be able to reach outside ourselves and get out of our heads.

Positive Psychology Essential Reads

The Power of Positive: The Neuroscience of Affirmation

Courageous Optimism Does Not Always Wear a Badge

Write It Down

James Pennebaker is a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Texas and the author of books on the benefits of writing, such as Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions. His research has found that regularly writing down thoughts has positive health benefits, including improved immunity, reduced blood pressure and cholesterol, and fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Many therapists suggest journaling to their patients for this very reason. A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, Psychiatry found that written exposure therapy—under the care of a therapist—is effective in treating post-traumatic stress disorder. When a person repeatedly writes about a trauma that they experienced, they learn that the memory is not dangerous; it can be recalled again and again with reduced distress over time. The repetitive exposure lessens the person’s pain.

There are a few ways to establish a therapeutic writing routine:

Set a time to write down what’s on the top of your mind each day.
(This may feel awkward at first, but eventually, it will become a habit.)
There is no need to edit what you write.
Don’t try too hard or feel the need to be perfect.
The act of writing itself is beneficial.
There are different ways to journal. You can keep a diary, for example.
Jot down dreams when you wake up.
Use bullet points for organization.
Doodling or illustrating your thoughts can help.
Journaling for 15 to 20 minutes a day can have the most benefits.

Adapted from the book How to Be Less Miserable. Blackstone Publishing, 2025.

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