Why Does My Son Need a Curfew?

Families have different expectations for their high school sons surrounding curfews. During the high school years, many parents struggle with maintaining limits that have been set with their sons and dealing with pushback from sons who want more freedom. He may have friends who have more freedoms than he does and no curfew, while you want the assurance that he will be home at a certain time. Depending on your son’s individual circumstances and family situation, you may find he wants to stay out later during high school, giving rise to the question: Should I set a curfew for my son?

In the early teenage years, 13 or 14, our sons are largely dependent on us, as parents, to create structure for them around social activities. Parents tend to approve activities and organize rides for younger teenagers who might want to hang out with friends on weekend nights. We arrange carpools to get them home at certain times or set a time related to darkness for when they need to walk home if they are in the neighborhood. Then, once our sons begin to drive, they tend to become more independent in their social activities, requesting the use of a car to get to and from activities with their friends.

Although there are numerous issues and responsibilities to be discussed around driving, we often, as parents, struggle with the idea of a curfew. If we set one, we have to be willing to enforce it, which could be difficult. Teenage boys frequently resist the idea of a curfew, as most want to be more independent in their coming and going from home. If we do not set one, we have to be willing to not know exactly when our teenager is coming home. We might be setting ourselves up, as parents, for more worry.

But a curfew does not have to become one more thing for you and your teenage son to fight about. Here are five reasons why a curfew might not be a bad thing for our high school sons:

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1. Gives him a sense of security. We cannot deny all of the changes that our sons experience during high school, particularly as they near graduation. While the weekdays tend to be filled with school, family, sports, or work demands, teenagers often want a sense of control over any free time they have. Curfews can provide a sense of security that parents are looking out for them and emphasize the importance of sleep, safety, and structure while encouraging more independence.
2. Provides a safety net while he is still living at home. As parents, we certainly have more options to know where are kids our than our own parents did with us. However, that knowledge does not take away the worry about safety. My grandmother (and probably your grandmother too) used to say, “Nothing good happens after midnight.” When we set a curfew for our teenage sons, we are taking another step to ensure their safety by having them home at a specific time while they are still living at home.
3. Enhances communication. Rules made for our teenage sons provide us with the opportunity to discuss expectations but also be open to his point of view. We can talk about, and discuss ahead of the event, the time which he is expected to be home. If we use discussion of curfew as a way to communicate our concerns with our sons, then he might be more willing to understand our time limit but also might allow us to be willing to negotiate a later curfew.
4. Improved outcomes. Parenting styles are marked by the decisions we make. Authoritative parents, who are nurturing but also set limits with their children, tend to have children who have better outcomes such as better grades and emotional stability (see APA fact sheet). If we view setting a curfew as an indicator of authoritative parenting, we can anticipate possible better outcomes for our teenage sons.
5. Boundaries in high school mimic real life. With freedom comes responsibility, even into adulthood, which is an important lesson for our teenage sons to learn. Helping him to set boundaries for his time, including being home by curfew, allows him to understand the importance of planning to meet all of the demands in his life which will continue into adulthood.