Should the May-December Relationship End?

Only a storyteller could turn heartbreak into such a beautifully written touching and lovely story. Hugs, E.

Give it a month....this article will be in every executive washroom in Los Angeles...but purposely, NOT in the home bathroom...:)

This will be in every executive washroom in Los Angeles within a month...

It has to be difficult to have a proposal turned down and especially if maggiage becomes an indicator of the strength of your relationship. Get over it.

There's a women out there that enjoyed your company for four years and you stopped seeing her because she didn't want to get married. Does she ever want to get married? It's 2012! Marriage to some is antiquated.

The strength of your relationship is in no way linked to rings or dresses. I've heard people say the wedding is the social display that lets people know you're together. I have news for those people. You're entire existence as a couple is the social display. How do you treat eachother on the days its not your wedding? Thats whats important.

If you want excitment go bunjie jumping.If you want the perfect romantic moment then have it. If you want commitment then prove it daily. None of those things have any meaningful connection to marriage. We as people define the bonds we have not god or judge.

You should call her.

...here is whether you think she said no because of the age difference or because of other reasons. Have you simly asked for an explanation? It was a lovely story, but it not certain that it has something to do with the reality of this particular situation.
Wish you the best:D

The first part of your story reminds me of my relationship. My fiance' is 17 years older than me. We always joke that, instead of looking for a woman in bars, he should have been looking in kindergarten. Yes, kind of creepy. But, the older we get, age differences aren't as much of a big deal. We've been dating 10 years, engaged for 8, getting married in 2013. The one thing I've noticed is that he's slowed down a little as he's aged but even that wouldn't deter me from marrying him. Unless she specifically indicated that it's the age difference, I wouldn't attribute her answer of "no" to that. And, if the age difference is going to be an issue for her, it's better to know now than later.

I agree with Kevin. You should call her. That is--if you're still on speaking terms. There could have been a million other possibilities why she said no that night. Ranging anywhere from the break-down of modern social expectations concerning marriage, to maybe she wasn't feeling the best at the moment. The setting was another possibility. The circus? Unless she expressed a particular fondness or life-long passion for the circus, then perhaps another setting may have been more ideal.

At any rate, I think you owe it to both her and yourself to understand why this four-year relationship would come to such an abrupt ending. Clearly the age-gap didn't have a detrimental affect on the years in between, and even seemed quite enjoyable. There may have been other factors at play here that can't be pinned so conveniently on the difference in age.

And who knows? Perhaps getting the discussion started could lead to more open communication, and another chance at restarting the relationship with a healthier and vibrant understanding of the other. Remember: Anything worth having in this world is worth fighting for. And if you have any inkling or attachment at all to this person that you've spent time with and dated for such a long while, then a call and honest discussion should at least be within your license of personal interest.

Well, I'm in a May-December romance as well... I'm the May in this case. We are approaching 3 years now, and still haven't properly talked about our 24-year age gap (yep, as he was living his early 20's, I wasn't even a fetus yet.. 0_0) Anyway, at the beginning it was a huge issue for me, I was uncomfortable every time we went out together for dinner, I didn't want to tell my friends, and kept it a secret from my family. When I told my parents one year later, they felt disgraced, and still think I'm not in a serious relationship. Some of my friends know, but a lot disconnected with me because of Mr. December.

I sort of got over the issues as time passed. We moved in together and we hardly ever fight. I love him to death, with all my heart, and I know he is the one I want to marry (if I ever get married). BUT, I sort of think marriage is an old-fashioned thing anyway, I'm in no rush, but I know its definitely on his mind.. I always think that we met with unfortunate timing. I was only 18 when we met. If only we met when I was 25 or even in my 30's, then I'd be more comfortable with the relationship because I'd have lived my prime. I feel like my youth has been taken away, but if I let go of him, then I'll lose something special.

If my Mr December proposes to me next month (which I think he will because he is taking me to Europe, and it just feels like that is bound to happen) I will say the N word too. As much as it will hurt me to say it.. We have talked about marriage, kids, etc already, but I have already pointed out to him that I am not ready for that stuff now, its a great picture for the future, but for now I want to concentrate on other things like, for example, career plans. Deep down, I also want to experience a younger boyfriend, closer to my age, before I get married and never get to experience 'normal' relationships again. And in an ideal world, I reach 30 and get back with Mr December to settle down! How will I express that to him!?

I still haven't opened up to him about my age gap issues... I know its what I need to do, but I just don't know how to say it. I just want to make him happy because he has gone through a lot of pain in his life, but now I think I'm just going to add to the pain if I ask him to let me live my youth a little. I'm confused on what to do.. But I know I need to tell him very soon before its too late. So, in your case, she probably said 'no' because the timing was wrong, and would like to live her life a little more too before saying "I do".

I apologize for leaving such a long comment, I didn't mean to but I sort of kept typing and typing. But I just want to share a similar case, but from the other end. Hope you sort things out soon.

how this all ended? Did you reconcile? Talk things out?

I'm in a May-December relationship as well (I'm "May" and 36 and he's 53) and one of the reasons I found this page is that I'm trying to navigate how these kinds of relationships work. We've been together for over a year, we were friends first for years, then fell in love hard and fast, moved into together very quickly, seamlessly and without making a major decision about it. I think one of its special challenges is that no one else I know has any insight into what it feels like to have a significant age difference, I'm not close to anyone else who's age difference with their partner is more than 5 years.

A "May-December" relationship is different than a "standard" relationship where people are the same age and it's foolish to think the age gap doesn't matter-- it does-- but I personally cherish it. If he asked me to marry him I'd say yes, in a heartbeat, but I don't know if I see that on the horizon. (We're both divorced, I don't know if he imagines ever remarrying, I think he needs more time to sort that out.) He seems to have more misgivings about the age difference than I do, worries that down the road I'd be "burdened" by him as he ages. I've explained that I've already accepted what that might mean and that just because he is older doesn't mean life won't have other surprises, I frankly don't take anything for granted. I love him now, can't imagine my life without him, and who knows what tomorrow will bring.

That's my 2 cents...

I just came upon your posts as I digest the sudden end to my relationship. A 22 year gap, beginning with her at 18 and me almost 40. My professional friends would make the typical jokes you would except, my love was so oblivious to it. When 1 year became 3' then 5' and then 10 years, the jokes and snide comments had long since stopped . She was young and beautiful, looking for a stable father figure. I was professional and financially stable, with no baggage. She went to school and received her college degree, I worked and supported her every whim-- from vacations to the most frivolous creature comforts.

She always laughed at the idea that our ages made a difference. She said she loved me, even though i was controlling and yes, critical of her younger friends. I was older, smarter, and wealthier. I was too judgmental. In the last two years, I sensed a change in her. She no longer wanted to go out. Lost an interest in shopping . We as a couple no longer socialized with her friends. She joined Facebook .

I had made her financially independent. Car, condo, credit cards, bank accounts in her own name. I never wanted to be "that" guy who kept her by my side because of money.

Last week, after a subtle decline and emotional separation, we took a break, however I knew it was the end. I stopped having all contact with her family and friends. The term "old" had become part of her vocabulary. After many denials, she admitted to a night with a young man, which I believe to be a relationship. This young man is only 19 or 20. I'm old enough to realize it doesn't really matter. It's a breakup and her fling is a result of our problems, not the cause.

After going through all of the typical emotions: denial, anger, remorse, etc... I am struggling to find acceptance.

I have come to accept that it is probably for the best-- for her. She is young, educated, and financially secure ( well, she can get by for a year or two without working and not starve). I am almost 50. Where would we be in 10 more years? 60 and 38? I can truly say that I will love her forever but she deserves to have a life with someone to grow old with, together.

I could quote all of the old clichés, but what is the point. She said that she still loved me in " her own way". She also said I pushed her away . As of today, we have had only one conversation since she admitted to the fling-- she said it meant nothing-- I'm from a different generation. It hurts. It hurts very much. I have not told any of our friends that we separated, some obviously know, but I don't discuss it. I prepaid many of the bills to give her a head start and make it easier for her. I've loved and protected her for so long, I couldn't just abandon her. I know, no fool like an .....

My heart beats intensely reading this article. So much love written from the writer about his may, and it deeply touched me. I'd really be interested in knowing what has become of you two, but the reason I came about this today was I had seen raw emotion from my December and it got me thinking.

I myself am 26 year old May and my December is 45. We met through work and I am currently going through a legal separation/divorce with my ex.. This December just swept me off my feet unintentionally and helped me get through the thick beginning of this ugly mess. I kind of pushed my way in to his heart, as he was worried that a) I'd possibly go back to my ex, (not a chance, especially not with being with my handsome December) b) how our work would feel; and finally c) the age. -It's not that he didn't want to be with me, but he expressed that he would understand that I would to be want to be with someone more my age to grow old with.

With that being said, he works at camp, comes back, goes back to his home once in awhile but will spend almost everyday he has to be with me. Last night, he kept trying to hug or kiss or nuzzle, (he's a very physical needing person, which I've grown to enjoy) and I had kept pulling away and being timid. He began to get upset, and started to shed a tears wondering if I was uncomfortable or unhappy with him.. Such raw emotion from someone I never expected to see this from... I could NEVER feel uncomfortable or unhappy with him. This truth is, it's been two months with this amazing man and I am falling deeply, hard and fast... I couldn't have explained to him yet, but that I was coping to deal with my feelings and hopefully not scare him away.

Coming across this made me realize how deep this kind of relationship can be, and has made me more aware that if I am happy, to keep enjoying. I doubt we'd ever marry nor have kids, but he expressed that he looks to the future, and secretly, so do I. I'm falling in love, with December. So thank you for the article and the comments. They made my heart grow stronger.

Beautifully written. I have a very hard time understanding why you would propose without discussing marriage with her first. More so with such an age gap. My husband and I are 24 1/2 years apart, dated 5 years before getting married. Months before he proposed we discussed it and talked about all of the age different hurtles we could face & what a life long commitment really meant with our age difference. It means me (May) not growing old with him, but watching him grow old and careing for him, it means my career cut short so he can enjoy his retirement & it almost guarantees I'll be a widow by 60. A tough age to start over. The last fact is by far the hardest. I know anything can happen at any age, but it's different when it's like this. But all that & more aside, I look forward to every minute I have with him. We have so much love for each other.

The media and Hollywood should not be glorifying this garbage. Since the vast majority of these "relationships" and marriages have the man as the more senior partner, we have to be honest here. I say this as somebody who was in such relationships when I was very young, but now at 60 I regard them as absolutely disgusting. It is selfish for men to prey on very young, very insecure women and basically steal their youth, even having kids with them, with the knowledge their life experiences are on completely different tracks. They are selfish to use women in this fashion and leave them and any children involved when they inevitably die long before their wives do and leave their kids fatherless. They put women the prime of their lives as caregivers. Totally selfish and wrong.

Almost as bad is the fact that because the media glorify this, men in the real world all too often think women past 50 especially are "used up," "old," "too fat," all the while they themselves look like hell because they think they are entitled to a woman 13, 20, 30, or more years younger. NO secure woman goes after old men unless there is money involved; they want peers who also are young and good-looking and who they can grow old with. There is nothing biological about this preference by too many men, for the vast majority of men are married to or prefer women close to their own age. But for many older men who are single, they are delusional and reject out of hand women in their age bracket. It is catastrophic for older women, and worse still, men almost always look worse when older than do women but they fancy themselves as they were when they were 20 or 30 years younger. But these men expect women of 50 or 60 or older to look 20. We as a culture need to respect women and stop this December-May garbage.

Like many people pulling up this thread, I have had similar issues to consider. My most recent involvement, 28 years and the last one some 8 years ago, 23 years. Once I take in all relevant data, "I" am the constant. Ergo, there must be something, eh.. not right.. with me. That would be that I am attracted to young attractive accomplished women. Hard pill to swallow. As I both write and consider this situation, it simply makes sense that I amend my ways. When people compare the euphoric feeling with that of a drug, it probably is not so far off the mark. Unfortunately I know of 2 such relationships that have both been going on for over 20 years.. my good friend since 4th grade married a woman almost as old as his mom, a 22 year difference.. and then my Uncle, who now has a daughter nearly 50 years younger. Are these anomalies? I suspect that in current social times that 'any' marriage lasting 20 years is an anomaly. Me? I don't want to muck up or detract from my girlfriends future. I am no great catch myself and can only imagine how awful I might feel knowing that I could have kept my mate from experiencing any aspect of life that would or could bring her joy. This posting has been somewhat of the kick-in-the-ass that I needed. I've got no business with someone who is not as old as my favorite fishing reel. That being said, I am reminded of the Everly Brothers.. " All I have to do is dream.." Insofar as my childhood friend and my Uncle go, well.. "good for you!" The first time, you marry for love, the second time, you marry for security.. the third? I suppose you marry for companionship. We'll see.

Fortunately, we are both pisces and the stars say we have the closest of all relatiionships. And we do have a very close emotional relationship. We have the largest of age gaps of any I have heard so I won't reveal it for fear of being tarred and feathered and then hung and other gross things. So it is more like an April - December relationship. She is working 7 days a week right now and I am retired.

She is has a daughter and no husband and my wife passed away a while back. My "April" was very comforting (not in that way) to me when my wife passed - my daughters who live elsewhere could not be there for me. We are still searching for some way of formalizing our relationship without alienating family, friends, fellow church members and so forth. So we have tried to be open, frank and unashamed and have discussed the matter with many folks including my priest and grief counselor.

For anyone in a similar situation (who probably has less of an age gap) from the feedback and advice we are getting is to go slowly in all things - everything from moving the relationship forward to pressuring the other for a commitment to not getting upset when texts are not answered in your expected response time limits and so forth. And you have to talk about everything. And that everything includes not only what happens when you get married but also includes the escape plan and how you would relate if things don't go as you both might have wished.

Your lives and life together are truly in God's hands, IMHO.

Last year I came out of a 6 year relationship with my partner who was 3 years older. Im currently seeing someone who is 7 years older. I'm a 38 year old female. This relationship is pleasant. I enjoy him but there is no love.

Last summer I met a man through the sport I love. We hit it off right away. I don't see him often as he is on the other side of the country (Scotland so it's only a 2 hour drive) plus he supports the 'other' team. Luckily it's not football lol. Anyway, we had a visit to an English team last year and had a drink together and a right good chat. We have been messaging since then. Nothing romantic, just the sport and life in general. On Saturday, we were at another event with mutual friends, again, we spent the night chatting and drinking. On the way home I kissed him. Not a snog, just a peck. Now, since then I have confused things. He's keen on me. Very keen. I was on the east coast on Monday so popped in for half an hour for a quick coffee. I left 5 hours later. We have this easy, comfortable way with each other. I can't stop thinking about him. He's 31 years older than me. I'm really struggling to see how we can have a relationship? He was happily married for over 40 years until the wife died 2 years ago. I have had a 9 year relationship which resulted in my two sons. My 6 year relationship and the one I am in at the moment. I know I can be a bit fickle when it comes to men and I don't want to enter into something that I can't sustain. I'm hoping to meet up tomorrow for a bit and we are going to a big event together (with others) in the summer. Ankther aspect i need to take i to consideration is the man who introduced us, who has enabled me to become part of the inner workings of my sport, who is 25 years older than me also wants to date me. I have told him he is too old for me. This is so very confusing and I don't want to upset anyone.