Narcissism
How to Expose a Narcissistic Boss
Deal with your narcissistic boss without derailing your own career.
Posted May 18, 2021 Reviewed by Abigail Fagan
Key points
- Traits of narcissistic bosses include displaying a high level of self-importance, expecting constant admiration, and manipulating subordinates.
- Recognizing traits of narcissism can help employees realize their boss will always be difficult but that their worth isn't tied to their boss.
- Company culture and fast hiring may contribute to the number of narcissistic managers in the workplace.
Many people have had a narcissistic boss. It can seem like a rite of passage to deal with a bad boss. However, these kinds of managers, supervisors, and superiors can derail your career and self-esteem. But learning how to spot narcissistic behaviors can help you take action to protect yourself and your career.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
This disorder is characterized by inflated self-esteem, an extreme sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy for other people. A person with narcissistic personality disorder is often exploitative, lacks the ability to maintain healthy relationships, and has difficulty maintaining realistic goals.
Narcissistic behavior can be exhibited in many different ways without having true narcissist tendencies. The DSM-5 defines a person with narcissistic personality disorder as someone who has five out of nine traits. These traits include:
Exploitative: Lacks the ability to maintain healthy relationships as well as difficulty maintaining realistic goals.
Lack of empathy and understanding: Uses their power over others in order to satisfy their own needs without taking into account how it will affect anyone else involved.
Self-important: Believes that they are always right and other people need to agree with them.
Pompous/grandiose behavior, exaggerated sense of self-importance or entitlement: In order for a supervisor to be narcissistic, it is not required that he or she has all the traits.
Possible Traits of a Narcissistic Boss
A narcissistic boss could be someone who displays a high level of self-importance, even when their achievements are not noteworthy. Narcissists put themselves before everyone else and expect that others will do the same. An employee who does anything to interfere with this belief system is quickly discarded from the narcissist's life without hesitation or remorse.
Narcissistic bosses may also expect admiration from their colleagues, employees, and subordinates, which can make them very difficult to work with.
A narcissistic boss is usually someone who feels entitled to privileges that others don't have. They believe they deserve special treatment for all of the "good" things they do on behalf of their employees or company. In many cases, this behavior will present itself as a form of manipulation in the workplace.
A narcissistic boss may manipulate employees in several ways but they can be subtle. A behavior that's more obvious would be an overt reaction when someone is praised.
The narcissistic boss may show a sense of irritation or anger, which may cause other people to feel guilty for receiving the praise and attention in place of the boss.
This can make subordinates see their own success as something they should only share with their boss rather than openly celebrate it among themselves. In some cases, this could lead to employees putting off completing projects so that they don't get ahead of others who are higher up on the food chain at work.
Other forms of narcissistic manipulation by a boss include withholding praise and using it as a reward for those who do what they want.
How to Spot a Narcissistic Boss
Ego: They are egotistical and self-centered. They may believe they're superior or entitled to more than other people, including their employees — or anyone else in the world for that matter. It's not uncommon for narcissistic bosses to demand praise from others constantly, as if it's their right.
Lack of empathy: Narcissistic bosses don't care about how their decisions and demands affect others as long as they get what they want in the end.
Being right: Narcissist bosses are always "right" and they expect others to agree with them without question. People who disagree or offer alternative points of view will be seen as threats, often dismissed in an egotistical rage.
Credit taking: A narcissistic boss might do things like take credit for an employee's work rather than give recognition where it’s due.
Betrayal behavior: A narcissist might also engage in betrayal behavior, often when an employee is beginning to disengage from the relationship.
Narcissistic bosses will start being cold or cruel towards their employee as a way of trying to maintain control over them even after the relationship has ended, because this narcissistic boss believes that if someone leaves, then he or she must be "better" than them, which feeds the person's false sense of superiority.
Dealing with a Narcissistic Boss
It's not you, it's them: If you have a narcissistic boss, it's important to understand that no matter how good things are going for you at work, there will always be hints of discontent or anger from them over matters large or small.
Don't dim your light: It also helps if employees are able to understand that their boss's actions don't define them or who they are. When an employee does something great, they should feel safe enough to take pride in their accomplishment without feeling guilty about receiving attention because someone else might think more highly of them than the boss does.
Don't ignore red flags: Do not ignore the warning signs and hope they will go away. This can often lead to more difficult problems in the future. If you are feeling exploited, threatened, or unhappy at work, it's probably time for a change. Speak up about what makes you uncomfortable—don't wait until their behavior escalates into something worse.
How to Expose a Narcissistic Boss
1. A good trick for exposing a narcissistic boss is to master this question: "Is there a reason you're asking me that question?" A narcissistic boss is very good at asking rhetorical, condescending questions. When you answer those condescending questions calmly and then reply, "Is there a reason you're asking me that question," it exposes them.
2. Document everything. To expose a narcissistic boss, you will need to work to compile their narcissistic behavior diligently. HR departments need documentation. Use the traits and behaviors above to guide you.
Why Are Many Bosses Narcissistic?
Swift hiring: Shouldn't a company have more of a screening process for personality issues? The truth is, it can be hard to spot the signs of narcissists if you're not a trained therapist.
Company culture: The company's values may also play into this. For example, if your organization is all about "winning," it could attract some narcissistic individuals who want recognition at any cost—even when competing with employees internally.
Protect Your Career and Self-Esteem
Remember, you are the master of your own career trajectory. If you think your boss exhibits any of the behaviors above, talk to HR about what steps need to be taken next. Bring your documentation. Be calm and confident.
