Melody T. McCloud M.D.

Black Women's Health and Happiness

Men Feel Pain, Too.

Despite their pain, men often hide emotions, resist counseling

Posted Apr 29, 2011

In the "First Do No Harm" (healthy relationships) chapter of Living Well, Despite Catchin' Hell, I include eighteen medical "pearls of wisdom" to help readers heal and bolster their interpersonal relationships. I hereby share excerpts of another pearl:

Men feel pain, too.

Anyone who pays attention to the news or watches morning news programs knows that breast cancer in women is a very common condition. It is less known or recognized that men get breast cancer, too. No, not as the same rate as women, but men do have breasts and therefore they can--and do--suffer from the disease. We doctors often find that men may not always verbalize--clearly or at all--their pain or discomfort, but that doesn't mean they don't feel pain or discomfort. It's important for doctors to recognize cases of male bravado and remember that men feel pain, too. The same is true for women in emotional situations with men.

I think it's fair to say that we women are generally perceived to be the more emotional sex, the ones to more readily express our pain. Some say we even have more emotional intelligence.

But just as men can experience physical maladies usually attributed to women, they likewise can and do experience emotional maladies because of women. Just as their breasts are not as prominent or readily visible, many men's emotions and pains may not be prominently displayed. Men often will hide their emotions. They also are often reluctant to seek counseling. Perhaps it's fear of revealing their emotions, uncertainty, bravado, stubbornness or not wanting to appear weak.

As a woman I admit I don't always "get it," but as a doctor who listens carefully to those seeking my counsel, I can say men do have feelings. They can experience intense pain in a relationship. They do hurt in their heart, and many suffer in private for extended periods of time. Thus, it's important for women to be considerate of their man's feelings, just as we expect they will be considerate and understanding of ours.

Make your man aware that you love him, and since you can't always read his mind--just as he can't read yours--it's important that he be able to express his pain, so you can help him feel better. You can help him heal.

In most instances, providing a comfortable environment in which he doesn't feel threatened may promote his communication of the issues on his mind and the pain he feels in his heart. And men, know your woman is there for you, to listen, to hear to help you heal. Allow he to do so.

For more 'pearls of wisdom,' see the e-book collection of First Do No Harm: How to Heal Your Relationships Using the Wisdom of Professional Caregivers: Feel free to share the link.

Be Healthy, Be Blessed...and make sure you are Living Well! Also enjoy some poems via my E-book, Melodies of the Heart: Poems of Life & Love.

Copyright © 2011 Dr. Melody T. McCloud. All rights reserved.