Randi Hutter Epstein M.D.

Birth, Babies, and Beyond

Poops and Other Indignities of Motherhood

One mother's rants eases another mom's frustration

Posted Apr 15, 2011

Somehow, I know this complaining mom really loved every bit of motherhood, even before I got to her punchline: “It’s not glamorous, but we love it.” Julie Kennon, who calls herself Mama Drama on her blog,  www.duddle.net really made me feel good about myself and about herself when she writes about the indignities of mothering.

 I read her piece after mopping the kitchen floor, hunting for shards of pie plate filled with sticky chocolate cake, a baking experiment with my 10-year-old daughter that went awry. Let’s just say that I had put the cake into the freezer to make it less gooey, forgot about it, and opened the freezer door and the whole thing came tumbling down. The cake fiasco occurred right after chasing our puppy around the house to lure her for her evening walk. She hates “going” in the rain, but she can’t hold it in either.

So it was at his exhausted moment that I escaped to my computer and was lucky enough to connect with another exhausted mom. Another mom who probably wouldn’t give up motherhood for anything. Hers was the rant of a happy woman.

So here’s Julie’s list of motherhood indignities. I couldn’t help thinking her life would be so boring otherwise, right?

There’s already poop in the toilet…and other indignities of raising kids

Here’s my top ten list:

1. Really, poop already in the toilet when you walk into the bathroom. Are they afraid it’s like an amputation if they flush?

2. You have to do things you really, positively, absolutely DO NOT want to do. Like get in a really cold swimming pool. Or play another round of Go Fish. Or wake up.

3. If you try to teach them a lesson about responsibility, like putting their shoes in the closet so the dog doesn’t pick them up and hide them, you’re the one who suffers when they can’t find them and you’re already late for school. So you run around like a lunatic while they finish watching Phineas and Ferb.

4. There is no adult body part that is off limits to little hands. It’s like they own your body. My chest is not a pillow, and neither is Daddy's tummy.

5. You can’t ever take a shower without interruption. Unless they’re totally, physically out of the house. Maybe out of the state. (By the way, when you're showering is the only time they actually will flush the toilet, so you get shocked with cold water.)

6. Not once can you eat or drink something in their presence when they won’t want a bite or a sip. A big bite, or a slobbery sip. Is it bad parenting if you refuse to consume backwash?? Or they aren't hungry until after you've cleaned up the dinner they wouldn't eat. Then they're starving.

7. If you, God forbid, pass gas, they notice. And comment. “Wow, Dad, that was a soft, quiet, long-lasting one.”

8. You can’t converse with another adult. You can barely converse with another kid without an aggressive interruption. In the middle of a sentence, I’ll hear, “I didn’t go to the bathroom ONCE today! That’s a record!”

9. You’re so worried about their self esteem that you have to listen to gross conversations. Like when they talk about what they found in their nose. Or what it was like to pick a scab.

10. You can’t ever tell them how to really handle a situation. You can’t say, “Just punch your sister and then she’ll back off” and you can’t say, “Tell your friend she’s being a bitch.” But, as adults, we know it would work.

Parenting. It's not glamorous, but we love it.

Check out her other comments on www.duddle.net