Victim Mentality Is a Trauma Response, Too

"Playing the victim." It's a phrase that's typically thrown out in a derogatory manner to denote what's seen as a manipulative tactic. Other times, a person will repeatedly fall into a state of affairs where they feel victim to their circumstances. Sometimes the person truly is being taken advantage of, other times a person's perspective is affected. They may note that this is happening but not know why or what to do about it.

Yet, when we look at the realities of what someone who is often in a victim's role faces, a more compassionate picture comes about.

Unescapable Shocks, a Victim Mentality, and Learned Helplessness

When someone has had an experience or series of experiences wherein they were powerless, that sense of helplessness can get stamped onto their perceptions. Psychologists have known this for decades. As early as 1967, an experiment subjected dogs to repeated shocks in such a way that the dogs could not predict when they would be shocked (Overmier and Seligman, 1967). Over time, the creatures simply accepted the shocks and became docile. Even after the shocks ended, the creatures were still. They did not leave the cage and behaved in a way reflecting hopelessness.

Tragically, such echoes the confusion and pain many people go through in traumatic situations like an abusive home.

A victim's mentality is a trauma response. Similarly, entering unsafe relationships or predicaments time and time again can be a way of re-enacting the past. This is not to say that the person is to blame for the abuse, but that due to having been harmed in the past, they may be primed toward what is familiar, while predatory abusers take advantage.

Yet, even for the dogs, healing was possible. Through what may now be termed a kind of exposure therapy, the scientists repeatedly brought the dogs out of their cages, showing that their actions would not be punished. In time, the canines reverted to typical behavior (Seligman et al., 1979).

Even though a sense of learned helplessness or a victim's mentality can be ignited by trauma and a person may feel powerless to stop, with proper support, these patterns can change.

The Liberating Work of Trauma Therapy

Many people have anxieties about talking about painful experiences in the past or present because they are afraid. They may think that acknowledging what happened will doom them to admit they have been irreversibly changed. This is an understandable response.

Yet, the opposite seems to be true. Through trauma-focused therapies, a person is often liberated into a survivor's mentality (Hunt, 2015).

Here's the difference: A victim mentality says, "I am powerless and forever doomed to be a victim of my circumstances." Survivor mentality says, "Despite whatever I have encountered, even things I did not choose or am powerless over, my wings still fly. I am willing to engage all the forces I can to move toward what matters to me. My story may have shaped parts of me, but it's the person behind my eyes who is flying."

Empowered People Empower People

Therapy is usually not enough. Rather, engaging in healthy relationships and community is where the magic really takes hold. Through finding supportive others, the trend can be broken. In psychodynamic terms, this is referred to as a "corrective relationship." In everyday terms, you can think of it more as finding your people.

Recently, I attended a workshop on belonging and resilience. The speaker, a man named Gaelin Elmore, said something that stuck with me: "Hurt people hurt people, but empowered people empower people."

The ultimate resolution of a victim's mindstate is one of power, wherein we not only feel comfortable with lifting ourselves, but we can also help others to rise, without a need to compete.

"Playing the victim" is a crass term for a real challenge. A victim's mentality is not usually a conscious choice but, rather, a trauma response. Through psychotherapy and positive relationships, it is possible to overcome a victim's mentality and flourish.