Well done Janice. This is another excellent article. The psychological damage from mobbing is enormous.
http://www.westmeadhospitalwhistleblowers.com
So you're not a "10" in every which way. But you're probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life. If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now.
Verified by Psychology Today
For targets of workplace bullying who suffer severe psychological and social pressure, there are many resources and trained professionals to help them. But for targets of workplace mobbing, which is a form of group bullying that can have even greater impacts on one’s psychological well-being and career, there are far fewer resources. Moreover, few mental health professionals are trained to recognize mobbing, much less adress its impacts.
As someone who receives phone calls and emails from mobbing targets on a regular basis, and having survived a particularly egregious case of workplace mobbing, I have come to see that how a mobbing target heals and recovers from mobbing varies, depending on the psychological stage of grief they are in when they seek help.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross famously demonstrated that grief is a profound and patterned state of psychological stress and depression associated with the loss of a loved one. Not everyone who is grieving experiences all of the stages or even the same sequence of stages, yet the patterned emotional responses to death and loss are common to most humans.
When applied to mobbing, where loss of one’s reputation, professional identity, job, economic base and career are put at risk, these stages may be meaningless in the early phases of collective aggression. Indeed, in the early stages of collective aggression, targets are often unaware that others are gossiping about them, or that leadership has marked them for elimination. To the extent they are aware a mob is forming, they often dismiss the red flags that indicate group aggression is gaining momentum and that the target’s elimination from the workplace is inevitable.
By the time a worker realizes that they are being targeted by an ever-growing group of hostile coworkers and managers, saving their job may be too late. But identifying where they are at emotionally in their response to the mobbing, may help them gain control of their emotional responses—and hence their career.
In what follows, I discuss these stages of grief and consider how they apply to mobbing.
Denial
The first stage of grief is denial and for mobbing targets, this important stage is critical. The signs a mob is forming include any action on the part of management to formally criticize, investigate, warn, suspend, terminate or report a worker for wrongdoing. It may take the form of a harsh evaluation, a verbal rebuke, or a formal charge of misconduct.
When this happens, the worker is wise to both recognize the potential damage that will come from such an action, and to respond as non-aggressively and discretely as possible. This latter action may be counter-intuitive for some workers who respond to such professional threats proactively, particularly if the managerial actions are unjust and retaliatory. But the worker who responds swiftly and assertively to managerial abuses is very often the worker who is swiftly and assertively mobbed.
An organizational leadership that is prone to mobbing will not waste any time alerting the workforce that the worker they want out is a troublemaker “with a long history of issues/problems/complaints/what-have-yous” who will be better off in another job.
When this happens, even workers with stellar reputations and work records quickly find their identities and work histories revised as management discretely shares their concerns about the worker to the worker’s coworkers, suggesting that opportunities for advancement or improved working conditions may ensue once the “difficult employee” is gone.
To limit this aggression, do not discuss managerial abuses with coworkers or others associated with the workplace, and keep any formal responses brief, factual, and non-threatening.
Another way that denial manifests itself is for the worker to become emotionally numb if not shocked. This response is particularly likely the more harsh and flagrant the managerial action. This response can be especially debilitating, preventing the worker from focusing, and often plunging the worker into a state of deep depression.
Unfortunately, this response, while normal, can further erode the worker’s standing because they are not performing to their best ability, and their anguish and stress are often visible to coworkers, creating the appearance that the worker is not up to par, if not mentally ill. If you find yourself in a state of shock or numbness, get help from a mental health professional quickly so that you can withstand the intensifying aggression to come—because it will.
Anger
It’s completely natural to become angry when people treat us unfairly, and it’s understandable that humans become enraged when their survival is threatened—which is what happens when someone’s job and career are at stake.
But this is precisely the stage that a mobbing manager most delights in, because this is the point where workers, who feel powerless in the face of managerial attacks, look crazy, if not dangerous. The angry worker is a scary worker, and coworkers will avoid them. Gossip will shift from what management has done to the worker, to what the worker might do to them.
Any threats of revenge, retaliation, or even a threat to see a lawyer and seek justice, can quickly be viewed as threats of violence once gossiping tongues start wagging.
There is also a legal reason an abusive organizational leadership might provoke a worker toward this stage. If the worker has a potentially legitimate claim of retaliation for filing a grievance related to a protected status or action, such as discrimination, sexual harassment or whistle-blowing, it is illegal for management to retaliate.
But it is legal for management to terminate the employee for any action that constitutes legitimate grounds for termination—such as making threats to the workplace. Even language as benign as saying you’ll get back at them for what they’ve done, that they’ll be sorry they messed with you, or you wish the sons-of-bitches dead, will be construed as threats. I have reviewed many cases where just the look on the worker’s face or their body posture was reported to management as “scary,” “intimidating,” or “threatening,” when they were going through the anger phase of mobbing.
Bargaining
When it comes to death and dying, we often try to bargain with God, knowing the odds are usually stacked against us. But when it comes to mobbing, we are often confident that we can reason with our employers.
This is a mistake — one that often provides abusive employers with key information about a worker’s legal strategy, personal desires, and weaknesses that are then used against the worker. If bargaining follows the stage of anger, it is almost always futile or provides the worker little compensation for the wrongs they’ve suffered, such as a paltry severance package and lukewarm references that make it clear to future employers the worker was unwanted.
If management has made a public renunciation of a worker and done nothing to intervene to stop gossip and workplace abuse against a worker, they will be deaf to reason. Cognitive dissonance will have kicked in and no matter what evidence is presented to the employer to demonstrate how unjust, if not illegal, the employer’s actions or unfounded their perceptions, nothing will persuade them to negotiate fairly.
The more evidence that is presented that they are in the wrong, the more they will be determined to prevail. The more desperate they see the worker is to end the aggression and move on, the more confident they will be that they are winning. And the more aggressively the mob is becoming in fueling a hostile work environment, the more certain management will be that the worker is deserving of the treatment.
Bargain at an early stage, or don’t bargain at all, unless you are willing to take whatever crumbs are tossed your way (which may be the best option, as I will discuss in a future essay). If you aren’t willing to settle for crumbs and didn’t bargain early enough, hold off on the bargaining until you are either out of the workplace (but have retained your legal rights) or have fallen quiet and played dead long enough for the tide of aggression to subside.
Depression
The depression associated with mobbing can be debilitating, and it can hit while still on the job, and commonly, becomes profound after job loss. Severe depression is particularly likely if the shunning associated with mobbing has extended to one’s broader social or professional network.
In addition to mental health treatment, there are a number of coping strategies that can help prevent the acute depression associated with mobbing from turning into chronic and serious depression. Exercise, comedy, community service, travel, and cognitive therapies are all excellent for alleviating acute depression, which in time can mitigate or prevent chronic depression. Broadening one’s support group outside the workplace is also invaluable in helping to overcome the depression mobbing targets inevitably suffer.
Acceptance
The final stage of grief, acceptance, may be the most difficult to achieve for the mobbing target who has suffered profound injustice and/or professional, social and economic loss. Yet it is the first stage to true healing, and thus the most important. The earlier one reaches the stage of acceptance and removes themselves from proximity to the mob, the faster and greater the recovery both psychologically and professionally.
By reflecting on these stages of grief, both mobbing targets and their coworkers can gain insights into what is going on and respond accordingly. To coworkers, if a worker who is being targeted by management for elimination acts strangely or appears mentally unstable, consider these stages and how their behaviors might appear strange, but are actually normal responses to abnormal stressors, and they are temporary.
To the mobbing target, first identify the stage you are in, and then know that this stage will pass. The external situation may remain adverse, and in most cases, will even worsen in many respects. But the emotional state you are in is temporary, and psychological recovery is possible regardless of the material losses.
For those who find themselves stuck in a stage, however, recovery may be distant. The most common stages where the mobbing target freezes are anger and depression. There is every reason to be furious if you have been mobbed, and every reason to be profoundly depressed if you have lost your job and not found a comparable new one, and especially if you have been shunned.
But no matter how justified your emotional responses, always remember that you cannot heal until you address the stage that you are in, and reach the state of acceptance which allows you to transcend the painful past and restore your mental and emotional health.
It’s not easy, it’s not fair, and it’s not fast. But for all who say that bullying and mobbing destroy a person, I answer, only if you let it.
Don’t let yourself be destroyed. Let yourself be healed so that you can give to the world your own unique gifts, skills, and personality. To give in to the rage or the depression is to join the mob against you. Don’t treat yourself in the same way the mob has treated you. Heal yourself. Only then will you begin to get your life back, and it may well be a far richer and more rewarding life than you ever knew before.
Well done Janice. This is another excellent article. The psychological damage from mobbing is enormous.
http://www.westmeadhospitalwhistleblowers.com
I was a police officer for 11yrs, when I became a victim of mobbing that lasted over 3yrs. Numerous supervisors and upper managers engaged in this evil gang attack, and everything imaginable was done to me. I barely survive the attack and to this day I'm still suffering. I'm refuse to give in and will fight until it's recognize in Memphis Tn. One Sgt. who also was victimized, succumbed to his illness, from the Mobbing. It will only get worse
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. Law enforcement and fire fighting are two professions with high rates of mobbing. Due to the danger workers face in both professions, allegiance to the group is crucial. Yet the flip side is that it doesn't take much to be excluded from the group. Once marked as a "threat" to the group, or as an outsider, the group quickly unites against the targeted colleague.
In both professions, law enforcement and fire fighting, once someone is shunned and mobbed, they're at great risk because they can find themselves in dangerous situations, but their coworkers may fail to back them up when needed--or may even put them in those dangerous situations.
I do hope you recover soon, and if you haven't already read it, I urge you to read my book, Mobbed!, available on Amazon. It contains several chapters on how to protect yourself that may be helpful.
That is a really interesting answer. I always thought too with government jobs there was more bullying because politicians like cover ups when things go wrong, so they don't necessarily want the most ethical people working for them, they want people with maleable values. The politicians quite often forget that if they accept cultures like these, everything spirals downwards and they may be on the receiving end of a serious issue in the future due to a problem with one of these departments. I think if you have people with maleable values they can be easily manipulated and staff choose to follow other staff's behaviour and this is how departments can end up with bad apples. I was shocked that at a hospital that I worked in, they did not fire nurses who had done illegal things. I don't believe you should just forgive people in such circumstances, I think there needs to be serious repercussions for them to learn. That place was a rat hole.
will laws ever be made to make it all stop
where does a team leader have the right to control your life after work. or have the right to say whom you can have as friends
I don't think laws will help. I believe it's the current laws that cause some bosses/HR to have to "have a file" like a list of complaints, warning, etc. to prove that the employee was fired because of it. If they didn't have to have a "file" then they would just fire in one day.
We need people to stand up against this by telling others about which companies do this stuff. Once people know which ones are the companies to avoid, companies will have to fix these issues so they can attract good talent!
I personally was mobbed twice and both times I quit quickly and wrote terrible reviews for them on Glassdoor, telling others not to go work for those companies!!
I found other work fast to not let them hurt me so much!
How did you get referee reports Gla. I did like you, I wrote a review about a company that had no intention of being fair towards me. They forget that people can review their company.
Your post was in 2015. I'm writing this May, 2018. I'm working in a law enforcement environment, now. Not as an officer, however.
Since I spoke up for my own human dignity, I've been TARGETED, big time; even by illegal means, X 12 years.
I hope the years since your posting you have looked into hate crime laws in your state. Often, the TARGETING behavior is illegal, as you probably already know as a former officer.
There needs to be government bodies to deal properly with mobbing managers. These government bodies need to ask to see all the evidence as to why someone is being mobbed. Companies who let their managers do this need to be heavily fined. The government should be onto this, because it means people needs financial support from the government while not working. It also quite often dumbs down an organisation when good workers are forced out of their jobs and in turn it does have an effect (albeit a small affect on the economy - mind you if this is happening at a number of companies then obviously the bigger effect on the economy because things do not run as smoothly as they could do and if you get rid of intelligent people from companies they can not contribute very good ideas).
That was excellent validation. Did I miss something? I would like to see the next chapter where you describe what to do. I have been researching this for months and so far the most comfort has come from some communication sites on assertive communication that provide something more than giving up and running away.. At least there I had hope, some active behaviors I could take responsibility for. Additionally they all say document document. This isn't as easy as it sounds, especially in torn, confused, and ever changing state of mind, and exhausted. It would be nice for some effective ways to do this. What exactly is the bully seeing that makes me the target? or more precisely --how great to know I'm competent, smart, and customers like me and all that time in Sunday school is now my demise-- Next time I'm supposed to appear stupid, inept, and rude, and they will leave me alone so I can be a team player? No paradox there? I don't really think that is going to make the depression any better. Then there is one more thing: "Know them by their fruits." This can be a good thing. There are a few middle managers , scared to come forward, but on one's side. It didn't really heal all wounds but one manager who seemed to be supporting the bully by all observations, in fact at the end the bully was relocated. He refused to talk about it and wouldn't allow me to report any more of her belligerent behaviors. I wasn't allowed to report disenfranchisement! -Almost certainly of a protected class no less. However, mystically magically, now she is leaving. It works the other way too, people I thought could never be less than perfect because of certain group philanthropic associations, suddenly say one thing but do the other, say for example an environmentalist making deals with energy construction in wilderness. That's not what we are programmed to accept. Crazy making --until I sat down and looked at it all objectively. It was pretty much what it appeared to be once I was willing to look with my own eyes. Once my heroes were no longer hero nor friend it was much easier to detach and hold people accountable.
The damage is enormous and it amazes me how other people are blinded to this fact you point out. Thanks, Dr.
As a woman, I was mobbed out of my career in an industry in which men hold 95% of the senior positions. It was a terrifying period in my life, and it has taken me years to recover (I had to change careers). Importantly, women need to identify mobbing while it is happening to them (I was not aware of the word "mobbing", or what it meant, until long after I was out of the job). Mobbing is a scourge on our society, and victims need to fight back. Keep up the good work.
At a workplace in which nowadays women have already arrived at the leading positions I've been bullied by female bosses even harder and more enduring than by men. Even if there were male bullies their actions have been covered by their female bosses as if they should be the ones to do the dirty jobs. But it seems like a taboo to me to speak out about it. In organizations lead by women they are treated as untouchable. If you state the facts as a man you are in danger of being stigmatized both as male aggressor and as whiny.
I spent my career in HR. Women are bigger bullies than men, at least to other women. I was a senior specialist w/30 years of experience and bullied by two separate women in two different jobs. I witnessed women being hateful to one another over and over again. Thankful I had the experience and a master's degree and it was relatively easy for me to find other well-paying jobs, at least until my early fifties. I am retired now and so very thankful.
I have written a book that addresses the seriousness of workplace mobbing in the courtroom setting and how friends in positions of authority help each other out.
It is available on Amazon.
PAPERBACK - http://www.amazon.com/Cult-Mirrors-Chomi-Prag/dp/1490550623/ref=sr_1_1?i...
KINDLE - http://www.amazon.com/Cult-of-Mirrors-ebook/dp/B00DPY95D6/ref=la_B00DQDH...
Mobbing is employer-facilitated harassment. Your article describes my experience. Besides being shunned by a few people, I was not aware of a mob of haters forming until I was informed by someone in management that I was disliked. I performed excellently and was pleasant from day one. I was told by one of the managers that one of the mobbers was threatened by my presence. Turns out someone in management was too and this person in management gave all the favorites the go to shun me, refuse to cooperate with me, hide things I needed to get my job done, withhold training from me so that I'd have to struggle and beg for info, get loud and nasty with me. Going to HR just made matters worse and they gave me their own little jabs of nastiness while defending management. I don't think they even investigated. If they did, none of my coworkers made mention to me of it.
This is becoming common practice in workplaces. Something needs to be done legally. Good people's reputations are being significantly impaired and their economic situations endangered. For no reason other than they were not "liked" by someone. Not because they did something wrong or are bad characters. This mobbing is not in our best interest as a society.
I'm sorry to hear you had to go through a mobbing. You are right that good people are having their reputations and finances impaired for no better reason than someone didn't like them. Hopefully raising awareness will, if not stop the mobbing, at least better prepare targets for what's up ahead and how to limit the damage. Laws, unfortunately, are never the magic cure. That is not to say that we don't need them--there is certainly room for better legal remedies for mobbing targets--but mobbing so often happens as a consequence of workers pursuing their legal rights (such as reporting discriminatory practices, misconduct, ethical breaches or sexual harassment). Ironically, reporting mobbing can lead to even more mobbing, and trying to seek justice in the courts can invite profound injustice. Let's hope that changes as more people understand what mobbing is and why and how it transpires.
Until then, thank you for sharing your story and I do hope the mobbing has stopped or you have gotten away from it.
My own story is quite similar to yours. I've experienced the consequences of being not liked by someone three times. This situation develops particularly if you perform in a certain way very good as a beginner, i.e. if you perform by skills and not by aid / networking / dependence. At the same time I could watch some friends of mine making a good career simply by being liked by someone in power at some critical instants of time. I wouldn't believe this if I weren't been hyped as well by some boss several times in a quite irrational or unreasonable way.
Hi, I am experiencing it right now. It is equal to grieving. And those who are doing it are a team of psychologists and social workers lead by the head clinician. God have I slaved to please them all. I so much loved my job, now I dread going there...
Oh my goodness Sandra so sorry , I recently got fired from public mental health who h was refreshingly relieving. Under paid workers who constantly walk on egg shells cause of management and then other staff who are afraid to lose their work, only one coworker has actually reached out to me since, also we constantly have to guard against saying something the wrong way or out body language may be off one day cause life happens to everyone, and if there's a complaint you become a liability, so not worth the $22 an hour you make in top of the big master's degree bill you end up doing, don't stick around RUN! It gets better trust me I nearly had 2 breakdowns while in fiield
I so agree with your intelligent statement. People who mob are like wild animals going in for the kill. They seem to have lost their ability to empathize, like highly functioning people with cognitive skills do.
I cannot believe I found a recognised behaviour that was like stepping into my life.
I am a Paramedic with 18+ years experience and I recently resigned through the desperation to save myself believing I was the problem.
Now I know I am not the problem and I have evidence going back to 2009, which is the trigger point discussed in the study. I am going to pursue legal representation for this direct, deliberate action. It is new, it will be difficult but if we can start somewhere it is a beginning. The time for accountability now needs to shift to the direct source. I am not a victim in any way, that removes my power. I am determined to see change and protect all who follow in a role that takes a unique character.
I'm so sorry to hear you had to leave your job; it is often the only healthy choice, though it comes at a huge cost. I recently released a new ebook which may be helpful to you. It's called "Mobbed! A Survival Guide to Adult Bullying and Mobbing," and is available here: http://www.amazon.com/Mobbed-Survival-Bullying-Mobbing-ebook/dp/B00ERMBY84/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1378167301&sr=8-1&keywords=harper+mobbed
In it, I include several strategies for coping with the emotional flooding, anger and pain, and I'll be releasing another on recovery soon. In the meantime, be good to yourself and seek laughter wherever and whenever you can find it.
Janice, thanks for your links and comments.
What happened and the last few months have been scary, sad and had me in so much emotional turmoil that from the morning I called to say I am resigning four months ago, my healing process began. Very hard to describe. I am aware of the grieving process and had said often it was like the death and divorce of a relationship. It does not get repaired when only one person wants it. The night I accepted all that was going on and they had very serious consequences to my and others safety, Duty of Care, there was no other choice.
Yes things are very hard at the moment and financially this can destroy me and I have no direction for my future at the moment. I am gathering an army of supporters, I am reconnecting with friends, I am loving walking my dogs, eating, sleeping better. I have lost 12 kilos in four months because I made a good decision to let it go. I am the happiest I have been in many years.
So to those who feel that there is no hope, let it go and life will take you in the direction you need to. Trust yourself. Give the power of your life to the safest hands known to you. YOURS!
Trauma describes my experience of a workplace mobbing. It has taken 18 months to arrive at the acceptance stage. What is particularly tough is that it was by the team of human resources women that I managed. The ringleader knew how to exact this plan; she was disgruntled that she did not have my job and pegged me from the first day I came in as an external hire. Her mission was to rally her coworkers against. She spun masterful lies a masterfully manipulated my wimpy boss. She knew employment law and what investigations entail. With planning and precision, she set up a number of circumstances that ultimately led to my employment end.
The toll has been great. But I am finally coming out of the darkness. So I encourage others, just as this article did for me, not to let these devastating inequities drain life away. Resist temptation to self blame or self punish or to get stuck in the anger. Your worth is still precious, even if it feels that others have shredded your integrity and very human fiber.
Trauma describes my experience of a workplace mobbing. It has taken 18 months to arrive at the acceptance stage. What is particularly tough is that mobbing was conducted by the team of human resources women that I managed. The ringleader knew how to exact this plan; she was disgruntled that she did not have my job and pegged me from the first day I came in as an external hire. Her mission was to rally her coworkers against. She spun masterful lies a masterfully manipulated my wimpy boss. She knew employment law and what investigations entail. With planning and precision, she set up a number of circumstances that ultimately led to my employment end.
The toll has been great. But I am finally coming out of the darkness. So I encourage others, just as this article did for me, not to let these devastating inequities drain life away. Resist temptation to self blame or self punish or to get stuck in the anger. Your worth is still precious, even if it feels that others have shredded your integrity and very human fiber.
Trauma does indeed describe what mobbing does to a person, and self-blame is a form of joining the mob by turning the target's anger inward. I'm so sorry you've had to endure the trauma of a mobbing, but it sounds like you have retained your dignity and determination and over time will recover, slowly but steadily. Life is far too short to give in to the destiny the mob charts for us; far better to erase them from our hearts and minds and move toward something fresh and meaningful in our lives and world. I wish the very best for you, as you recover one day at a time.
"Life is far too short to give in to the destiny the mob charts for us; far better to erase them from our hearts and minds and move toward something fresh and meaningful in our lives and world."
Wonderful statement Janice!
Your words about taking your own power and moving forward is where I rest. Everyone should also know about childhood history rooted in scapegoat mode, how emotions are carried and kept at the cellular level, and how we can cleanse them to begin anew. Molecules and emotions author, Ms. Pert, is a fine place to start, as well as healing methods of Melanie Tonia Evans.
Janice Harper recently wrote an excellent book about mobbing. (She should pay me for all the good reviews I give her book. lol. Just kidding). It is an eBook, but you can read it on a computer or laptop too.
http://www.westmeadhospitalwhistleblowers.com/what-animal-behavior-teaches-us-about-bullying.html
Thank you for your kind words, Dr. Cole. When I was being mobbed, I couldn't find any resources that effectively captured the surreal experience of mobbing so I wrote the book as my small contribution to making sense of the senseless. Hopefully it will be of help to others going through it, or trying to rebuild their lives in the aftermath of mob cruelty.
I am pleased to find people sharing their stories of mobbing and thank you for you guidance Dr Cole. I am currently the victim of workplace mobbing and hoped that you might be in a position to sign the petition to stop it. The account of the mobbing provided only scratches the surface of the trauma I've been experiencing.
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/458/889/145/reinstate-dr-tim-luckcock-as-head/
Kind regards, Dr Luckcock
Gosh not quite sure how I found you, but I now realised I have been mobbed!
It started with a new management, whom I now believe felt threatened by experience.
They undermined my performance giving me more and more things to do in more and more difficult situations. Some how I got through that only to be told that nobody wanted to work with me. The whole stressful experience I had been through had put me so much on edge, I worked so hard to everything they wanted. Management had gone behind my back gathered a list of concerns about my behaviour which had all been twisted to put me in a bad light when I had done good. Then people started thinking that there was something wrong with me. HR said I was paranoid. The union said I would be dismissed if I took it any further. So I left.
I am now unemployed and totally scared to apply for another job.
What they are up to by trying to claim you are paranoid, is that they are trying to discredit you, incase you take legal action. There are psychiatrist, psychologist and occupational doctors who will write up fraudulent reports on behalf of employers to destroy someone's reputation.
Two years ago I found a job that I thought it was going to be my life job. After 6 months, was told by manager my knowledge is on low level and should be improved. As more pressure was put on my dept was told by manager I sucks. It stopped for a while and he gave up on saying me I am not a right person to do my job. After one year and six months I get a raise and my performance was described as excellent by upper management. As more project comes, one of coworkers start acting like my manager towards me. Now he reporting everything what I do wrong or not in right way to my manager. The worst is he yells and tells nasty things in front of others workers like "I should not be doing this job, I am not right person, my knowledge level is a way below his and many others that in my words sounds "pleasant" but in real they are not. I have achievements in my previous job and always had the highest score or what I do. This is complicated story and now thinking about quitting because I see myself starting be in depression level. I am scared to touch anything, not sleeping at night, all the time thinking about me and my skills. I never experienced this before in my previous work places. What should I do? I have family and have to financially support them. Looks like my life collapsed and what it looks at first time to be a perfect job place now is a nightmare for me. What would you advice for me? Thank you.
I agree with Dr. Cole's comments; my only reservation is that even if you are kind and respectful to your colleagues, which you absolutely should be, mobbing can still happen once administration starts poisoning your reputation. If you haven't already read it, I encourage you to get my Kindle ebook, Mobbed!, available on Amazon (if you don't have a Kindle, you can download a free Kindle app on Amazon). In it I provide a number of suggestions for how to protect yourself professionally. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to stay safe and sane, but the sooner you can find new work in a better environment, the better off you'll be. Until then, protect yourself as best you can.
Dr Janice,
I am a widow and work in corrections. I was mobbed/shunned for 3 years at one facility so I took a demotion to transfer to another facility in an attempt to work and take care of my bills without being mobbed. I have been at the other facility for almost a year and I am beginning to see and hear similar mobbing behaviors towards me. I’m very depressed over the last mobbing. The only way to prove it is through emails and cameras. But HR said they would never allow. So many were involved. I wasn’t wanted. I wasn’t their pick. At least that’s why I think they did it. My concern is, when the psychological headgames they used on me didn’t make me leave, it escalated to verbal attacks and talking about me right in front of me but using “she” instead of my name. Then it escalated to damaging my vehicle in the parking lot. It looked like someone hit it with a hammer on two separate occasions. To not teaching me many things for me to do my job. To shunning and people from other departments coming in my office yelling “where is that trouble maker”? I believe it went straight up the chain of command with involvement but I can’t prove any of it. The final abuse was when my supervisor and every co worker in my office made up a lie about me and said I yelled “Liar! Liar!” at my supervisor. I knew I had to get out. Now I have had several things happen at my new corrections facility and I’m so sad. I really need my job and don’t have family to help me. Im depressed and exhausted and miss my husband so much. I have witnessed a woman who was being mobbed die of an aneurysm at the first facility. There is no evidence. It’s like legal murder if you ask me. Once a person is so depressed it’s hard to ever be happy. I lost my trust in people. Even the seemingly nicest ones either sit back and watch it happen or join in on the mobbing. To me all are just as guilty and they will all have to answer to God one day.
Hi Kathy,
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through--my guess is that gender discrimination plays a big role in it. Unfortunately, the more you report it and try to prove it, the worse it will get. The ones engaging in it will view you as a "tattle-tale," while HR will see you as a potential lawsuit. I have several suggestions on how to protect yourself professionally, socially and emotionally in my book Mobbed! What to Do When They Really Are Out to Get You, (available on Amazon) and I encourage you to read it). In the meantime, do your best to find new employment, even if it means a cut in pay. The sooner you are out of there and in a new environment, the sooner you will begin to heal.
John,
I rushed to respobd to you and didnt get to find out the date of of your post.
I hope you have bern document.
I hope you do know that it is not your skill or any type of inadequacy.
John Van's question was sent to me for comment by Psychology Today. This sounds a typical story of bullying. In general I believe it is not worth your health to stay in a job like this. I would stay very friendly with your managers while I was applying and searching for a new job. You need a good reference, so keep on the good side of managers till you have left the job. Also I would try hard to stay on good terms with my other colleagues even if they disappoint you by being disloyal. It will be difficult for mass bullying (mobbing) to occur if you remain friendly with your colleagues (till you have left). Once you are in a happy job I believe you will see that this job is a horrible place and that you were correct to leave. Disclaimer: I have retired from Medicine and am now studying Law at Macquarie University; you must make your own decisions and take professional advice if needed. www.westmeadhospitalwhistleblowers.com
Thank you for your astute comments, Dr. Cole. I'm aware of your case as a whistleblower for neonatal health care, and applaud your choice to pursue a legal career. Whether you end up going into health law or employment law, society will be well served by your contributions.
Thank You Dr Michael Cole
"But for all who say that bullying and mobbing destroy a person, I answer, only if you let it. Don’t let yourself be destroyed."
Wow at this victim blaming.
No, not victim blaming, but victim empowering. See in it what you will, but that's the path that I'll choose.
I agree; the Author is off base with the "only if you let it" caveat. Mobbing is destructive on a very real level for those who work because they must have INCOME. If an individual is threatened continuously at their workplace(verbally, psychologically, or physically, etc), financial & personal recovery can seem impossible, due to lost income & loss of precious time while fending off a constant assault.
This author is talking out of her reer.
Sometimes a 'victim' is actually a VICTIM! E.g., if a person is physically assaulted, or robbed - they should not be blamed; or told they are not to 'succumb to/enable' their own victimization. How toxic is this AUTHOR?? Persons who are besieged by mobbing need help to escape a toxic workplace, (help is difficult to find in our Economy.) Victims of mobbing need help to recoup from emotional, psychological, and financial damages.
Mobbing cost me my job, career, friends, reputation, pension, life savings, home, and earning capacity. I get it. But if there's anything it taught me it is that I will not spend my life being disempowered by my past. Calling me "toxic" and "talking out of her rear" for suggesting an alternative path is the very abuse that those who mob engage in--name calling, distorting what someone says, and insulting. If you truly have an interest in how to recover the emotional and psychological and financial damages from mobbing, I suggest you read my book, which has chapters on how to protect yourself emotionally, socially and professionally. No one chooses to be a target, but we do choose whether or not to be a victim.
OMG! The author chastised me! I think she accused me of enjoying being a victim!!
It's never good to be on the receiving end of abuse.
I don't think any 'normal' person takes pleasure in acknowledging they were harmed (there are different ways people are hurt - one can use the term 'victimized')
I think most people in very bad situations WANT to get away from the toxic situation ASAP. Sometimes there are quick solutions - sometimes not.
IMO, when a person is 'treated very badly' by others, and 'loses income, sense of normalcy, safety, dignity', they have been victimized.
I hope your situation is much better & you have an ethical employer.
Best wishes to you!
Anonymous wrote:"But for all who say that bullying and mobbing destroy a person, I answer, only if you let it. Don’t let yourself be destroyed."
Wow at this victim blaming.
I saw it as Victim Empowering. Of course, the victim suffers that there is recovery process before reaching the point to feel every word of that state as empowering.
In my case, I suffered a head injury (which I didn't recall for two years) and started getting daily migraines and lost my memory and was (am) cognitively impaired. We thought it was stress. I had to be taken off work (a well-liked professional with 15 years of experience and committed to my job where I didn't take sick time and enjoyed my work). Within weeks, the HR Disability Harassment program began - demanding notes via unclear phone calls, job threats, etc almost all of it was verbal/phone - over 50 times in the first two months I was off. I made a harassment complaint that wasn't investigated and was dismissed when the accused denied it (the mobbing trigger point). The accused had almost exclusive control over what happened from that point - while dealing with no memory, confusion, and declining health but trying to recover to return to work, I faced terrible circumstances over a number of years due to their bi-weekly interference with others, being not allowed to return to work (for no reason) and losing my income, career and reputation, we gained all the files through access to information requests. The files clearly showed the phone calls and the e-mails where outright and subtle instigation of mobbing (negative influence) had taken place between everyone involved - but the ringleader was the Disability Management personnel in HR at my workplace who made negative contact with others every second week, and extended to the union reps, my superiors, benefits providers and health care workers. The private communications were shocking. I am still trying to get over it as it is hard to believe, especially as it was done while I was unable to defend myself. I wish someone would identify the relationship between Disability Management programs and Harassment/Mobbing - I believe they are linked.
It's been over two years since I was terminated, but the fallout from it has been huge. I was employed at a healthcare assisted living facility until 2011, and while I thought things would work out , I could not have been more wrong.
As an LPN over 30 years I was aware of personality conflicts within a workplace, but it had never affected me directly until I began working there. I enjoyed working with the residents, and although the culture was diverse ( I being the sole middle aged white guy among a female multi cultural predominantly Asian staff) I did my best to assimilate and join in with workplace functions. There were some disagreements and I received constructive criticism at times but I felt all was part of being a employee there.
Eventually, there was one female employee that seemed to consistently have complaints about my work whenever I managed her unit on weekends. Nothing that would be considered egregious but after a series of complaints largely over paperwork entry errors, or other complaints that were taken out of context. I soon received counseling verbal and otherwise from my supervisor. I did what I could to correct the situation, but no matter what it became worse. Once I found similar issues with said employee and brought it to my Supervisor in writing (As I was instructed to do) I was asked to resign. I declined and informed my supervisor that under the circumstances I would only leave if terminated, which she did.
What I found interesting that this woman and Supervisor were friends and although not related by blood, their culture is one that considers those within the same culture as relatives, In fact nepotism was replete within the facilty. Turns out that soon after I left, I became aware that I was replaced by the same female's husband.
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