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Divorce

An Open Letter to Alice Evans About Your Divorce

Offering support and information to Alice (and loan Gruffudd).

Dear Alice,

Your divorce is all over the news and social media this week.

Your suffering, shock, and outrage are all over the news too.

I wonder how your daughters feel about this publicity as they attempt to deal with the forthcoming changes in your family. If you are sharing a betrayal by their father, I wonder how the “truth” will affect them.

Photo by Jhefferson Santos from Pexels
Source: Photo by Jhefferson Santos from Pexels

There is no question that a divorce is a life crisis, and even worse when there has been a betrayal and you are blindsided with the announcement. I empathize with your pain.

I have one important question for you: When your daughters, Ella and Elsie, are sitting in a bar with their friends 15 years from now, what story do you want them to tell their friends about their parents’ divorce?

Will they share a story of acrimony and lengthy battles, or will they share a story of respect and resilience? Will they be able to say that their parents bore the burden of the divorce so that the children could go on being kids? I am asking you these questions because you, Ioan, and your girls are building that story now. It is already being formed. But you can shape this narrative, Alice. You shape it with your decisions, your actions, and your words.

But I want you to know one thing. You will recover and heal. Yes, it will take time. But the healing starts when the divorce is over. Research has shown that kids recover and fare better in life when their parents end their conflict. It is the conflict that harms kids. Conflict tears the kids apart and puts them in the middle of a mess they didn’t create or choose.

One more thing. The Collaborative Divorce process is not as you described. Collaborative Divorce is not a “phenomenal scam,” Alice. If you choose to divorce with Collaboratively trained professionals, your final outcome will allow you and your girls to heal, adjust and move on.

Perhaps your attorneys have not been trained in this very specific model but say “Oh yes, I am collaborative.” Or maybe they haven’t fully explained how it works. So be sure you hire trained Collaborative Divorce professionals.

Here is how Collaborative Divorce works:

You and Ioan Gruffudd agree to stay out of court because litigation is destructive to kids and families. This gives you control over your decisions. In court, a judge— who doesn’t even know you or your family—makes all the decisions.

Collaborative Divorce is a confidential process, unlike litigation when everything becomes part of the public record.

You agree to transparency and negotiating in good faith because that helps your family heal.

And your Marital Settlement Agreement is binding when your attorneys file it with the courts, exactly the same way litigated agreements are binding.

Alice, I hope that you and Ioan can successfully navigate the turbulent waters of divorce. I hope, for the sake of your girls, you can complete your divorce through a true Collaborative Divorce.

And, by the way, it isn’t about “dignity.” It is about shaping the story that your children will carry for the rest of their lives. Please, end the fighting and focus on your own healing.

With care,

Ann

© Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. 2020

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