Heal Yourself. Heal the World.

My friend, Sherry Rais, founder and CEO of Enthea, posted the following on LinkedIn:

“There’s a cycle many people go through (especially in circles of wellness and alternative healing):

→ Inner child work→ Shadow work→ Trauma healing→ Nervous system regulation→ Another program→ Another retreat...→ ....More integration

At some point, the mirror gets so fogged up from looking that we forget what we were trying to see. Healing becomes a lifestyle instead of a bridge. The self becomes an idol, not a vessel.

And slowly, everything starts to revolve around:

→ “My truth”→ “My process”→ “My boundaries”→ “My energy”→ “My evolution”

Source: "Photo taken by Zoe Weil"

But where’s the we in all of that?

Where’s the purpose, the service, the quiet presence?

… The point of healing was never to build a fortress around the self. It was to set the self free. So you could show up to life with more compassion, more clarity, and less ego….”

“Amen,” I thought. A healer who asks us to consider the deepest purpose of healing, and who invites us to extend our personal healing journey so that we don’t get trapped in self-absorption and can graduate from me to we.

The beauty of Sherry’s provocation to perceive healing as a bridge to “we” is that service to a greater good itself brings greater healing. There’s so much evidence that we become happier and healthier as we give to others. Most of us, when asked to remember a time when we helped another, report that doing so brought us deep satisfaction and even joy.

The times we are living in are disturbing and uncertain (an understatement to be sure). Beyond our struggles with our inner demons—that lead some of us to participate in those workshops, retreats, and programs that Sherry mentions—many of us are also living in persistent fear, sadness, and anger about the state of… you name it… the economy, the government, the environment, climate, AI, conflict and violence, and much more. Even if we ourselves aren’t living in fear for our own lives and our family’s well-being, it can be debilitating to witness so much suffering, upheaval, and chaos, and to feel helpless as we wonder what on earth we can do. Between our existing emotional issues; the practical challenges we and/or loved ones may face at this moment; and/or the realities we hear in the news, amplified 24-hours a day, it’s no wonder that those who have the means to seek ever more personal healing through the venues Sherry describes may retreat and focus on themseslves.

Escaping from a vicious cycle into a noble one

But this self-focus can become a trap. Not only does self-absorption rarely result in liberation, the truth is that while we may try to escape outer realities, they don’t go away. Ultimately, retreat can come at the price of:

• Personal empowerment and agency
• The many gifts conferred through connection within communities dedicated to service and systemic change
• Inner peace that comes when we live in alignment with our deepest, truest values

When we merge inner work with outer work, however, the impacts can be transformative for ourselves and others, leading us from me to we, from isolation to connection, and from potential navel-gazing to vibrant contribution.

The secret sauce for this recipe lies in shifting our mindset and taking a “both, and” approach to healing, rather than succumbing to the idea that we need to work on ourselves before we can contribute to the well-being of others. This pernicious belief is belied by the reality that contributing to the well-being of others serves our inner development.

There are a thousand ways to serve. So many beings need help. So many systems are unjust, inhumane, and destructive. Where shall we begin?

We can and should start with introspection, asking ourselves what problems most concern us; what issues tug at our hearts and activate our minds. Then we can ask ourselves when and how we fully come alive with our deepest vitality. Next, we can get practical by asking ourselves what we’re good at and how we can have the biggest impact. While volunteering at a food pantry or animal shelter, attending a rally or protest, or donating to a humanitarian cause are all positive ways to give, perhaps we can make even more far-reaching and long-lasting contributions by working to transform the underlying systems that perpetuate the problems of greatest concern to us. As we address the root and systemic causes of these problems, we help prevent them from continuing. The key is to find the sweet spot where our talents and passions coalesce and can be directed toward making a truly significant difference.

There are tools to help guide us in this endeavor. Using a solutionary approach can help steer us toward our own truest path. Solutionaries are people who not only strive to live according to their deepest values, but who also actively identify systems that are destructive, unjust, and inhumane and uncover solutions to transform those systems in ways that are good for everyone. In the process, they become voracious learners, developing their thinking skills while cultivating their compassion; building relationships while discovering their purpose; honing their competencies while growing their confidence. It’s a heady and hearty experience, feeding the soul while simultaneously having a positive impact on others. The process itself is both gift and reward.

Self-Help Essential Reads

"Life Crafting": Finding Your Life Purpose

Fall Transitions: What Will You Harvest? What Will You Let Go?

Finding freedom

When we ask ourselves: What is my personal growth for? Why, at the very deepest level, do I seek healing? We may find that as soon as we shift our gaze outward, the answer is like a clarion. We heal to heal others, and we heal others to heal. We seek to love ourselves so that we can better love others, and we love others to better love ourselves. We discover unidirectionality is a dead end. There is only reciprocity, a persistent feedback loop of compassion and growth. This is the solutionary way. And as we embark on the journey, we may discover what Sherry so powerfully articulated: “The point of healing was never to build a fortress around the self. It was to set the self free.”