Are You Living in an "I" World or a "We" World?

We're built to be givers, not takers

Source: NewAfrica/Depositphotos

There is an old story about a very elderly man planting a tree. A young man passing by stopped and asked, “What are you doing?”

“I am planting a fruit tree,” the old man replied.

“How long before it gives fruit?” the young man asked.

“Maybe 40 years,” said the old man.

The young man was perplexed. “But you won’t live that long. You won’t eat the fruit. Why waste your time and energy?”

The old man smiled. “Oh no, but just as I found a fruitful world, so I will plant for those who come after me. I have hope that they will be here to enjoy the fruit.”

This simple story holds profound wisdom about why we are here—not just in a literal sense but in a deeply psychological and spiritual sense. It asks us to consider: What is our role in the grand scheme of life? What is our responsibility to the future?

At its core, the story challenges us with a fundamental question: Are you living in an “I” world or a “We” world?

The "I" World vs. the "We" World

So much of modern life encourages an “I” mentality:

• What do I get out of this?
• How does this benefit me?
• Will I see immediate results?

The young man in the story was thinking in this way. If the old man wouldn’t personally enjoy the fruit, then why bother? It was a short-sighted view, one that sees value only in immediate, personal gain.

But the elderly man was living in a “We” world. He understood something greater: that life is not just about what we take but what we give. The “We” mindset is rooted in connection, responsibility, and legacy. It asks:

• How will this help others?
• What impact will my actions have beyond me?
• How can I leave something better than I found it?

Accept, Grow, Serve

Through my work, I have identified three essential stages of human fulfillment. I call it "The Path to Optimal Living." The three stages are Accept, Grow, and Serve. These stages—or principles—guide us toward meaning and purpose, much like the old man planting the tree.

1. Accept—True purpose begins with acceptance. We must acknowledge where we are, who we are, and the circumstances that shape us. This does not mean resignation but rather an honest embrace of reality. The old man accepted his mortality. He knew he would not see the fruit of his labor, yet he found peace in that knowledge.

2. Grow—Once we accept where we are, we must strive to grow. Growth is the bridge between what is and what can be. The old man grew in wisdom, understanding that life is not just about immediate rewards but about the contributions we make. Growth demands patience, effort, and resilience, much like the process of planting and tending a tree.

3. Serve—The highest fulfillment in life comes when we turn our growth outward and serve others. The old man’s act of planting was an act of service. He was not driven by personal gain but by the desire to nourish future generations. Service is what transforms individual lives into legacies.

Shifting from "I" to "We"

Much of modern life tempts us toward an “I” mindset—instant gratification, quick results, personal success. But true purpose asks us to play the long game. It asks us to plant trees we may never sit under, to contribute to a world that will outlive us. I once heard a philosopher say, "We're built to be givers, not takers."

Psychologists often speak about generativity, a term Erik Erikson used to describe the need to contribute to something beyond oneself, particularly in later life. Generativity is what gives people a sense of fulfillment, and it is deeply tied to mental and emotional well-being. Those who dedicate themselves to serving others—mentoring, creating, teaching, parenting, or simply offering kindness—tend to experience greater life satisfaction.

Altruism Essential Reads

Does Social Class Influence Generosity?

Yes, You Do Make a Difference. Here's the Proof.

We see this in the great leaders, thinkers, and visionaries of history, but we also see it in everyday life:

• The teacher who inspires students, knowing the results may not be seen for years.
• The parent who nurtures a child, investing in their character and values.
• The artist who creates something enduring, leaving beauty for future generations.
• The entrepreneur who builds a company that provides jobs long after they are gone.

All of them are planting trees. All of them are living in a “We” world.

Why Are We Here?

The answer is not found in fleeting pleasures or personal success alone. The elderly man in the story understood that his life was part of something greater, that he was connected to those who came before him and those who would come after. So he planted the tree.

And now, the question comes to us: Why are we here?

I think it can be only for one purpose:

To make this world better than we found it for the generations to come.