Swoon: Why Heated Rivalry' Is So Compelling

I cannot escape it. Each social event, each professional meeting, my social media reels, online news, late-night TV—everyone is talking about the Canadian Heated Rivalry series, a story capturing a long-term, complex relationship between two men.

Is it the forbidden love trope? These are hockey players and that sport is a domain characterized by hypermasculinity. But, no, I don’t think that’s it.

Is it the love-disguised-as-hate trope? A standard ingredient in romance novels? Maybe a bit, but again, it doesn’t really capture it. The two characters connect sexually very quickly in the storyline, a trend familiar to us and that mirrors dating trends for the past few decades among young people. Sex first and “slow love”; the emergence of love (occasionally) after a strong sexual relationship rather than the traditional normative requirement of confirming shared affection (at least) before higher levels of sexual intimacy can occur.

For someone who has studied intimate relationships for just under 40 years, I am struggling to parse the appeal. And I am just as much engrossed by these two as everyone else. Maybe more.

But I can’t help analyzing the components for the ingredient that can help explain the massive appeal using a research lens. You will find myriad opinions there, but I will base mine on what I know from the world of science.

If we just wanted depictions of men having sex, within 15 seconds one can find easy, free, far-more-graphic depictions than this show depicts. One factor that differentiates the show from porn is the depiction of convincing yearning. It may look like lust, but it goes further—there is an emotional aching, a context of languishing when apart, passion not driven by the physical mechanics of sex alone, but of truly deep intimate connection.

If it were just about sex, there would be far less focus on deep kissing, on the moments of apprehension, the smiles and check-ins, the expressions of need, even the blushing.

It is incredibly difficult to remember that these are actors, who are pretending to feel these experiences—for our entertainment, no less. Such thoughts seem tawdry, even sordid, compared to the deeply moving evolution of their feelings depicted in these episodes.

Most intimate relationships start with a heady phase of passionate love, where all you can think about is connecting physically with that person, your mind consumed with thoughts of them, and a deep need to be together, with thorough distraction by thoughts of them or despair when apart. We are jealous, we need more, we can’t get enough. It’s like a drug.

But this phase lasts typically about six to 12 months, if given a steady and consistent accumulation of time together, a luxury that the characters in Heated Rivalry do not have. Their passionate love phase extends for a long period as a result.

Intimacy researchers have found that most relationships then shift into a companionate phase, after that giddy phase. This is the phase that is shown in the final cottage episode, where there is still passionate connection sexually, but partners begin to let down their guard, to relax around each other, to share stories and histories, in short, to get used to each other as friends (as well as “lovers”).

Part of the intensity of the show’s relationship is based on the secrecy that they have to maintain about their relationship. That anxiety amplifies passion (misattribution of arousal, if you want to get technical) and is a reason why extradyadic relationships often feel so intense—they’re stressful, in part. When revealed to others, that intensity ebbs.

This is not the first meaningful depiction of two men’s love that moved us (remember Brokeback Mountain, for instance?). But we are left to a question of why this depiction is so distracting, preoccupying, engrossing. Many viewers admit already to having seen the entire series a few times over.

We know that those who are more drawn to romantic media, such as this, tend to view their own relationships in romantic terms. We thought that there might be a downward comparison, but we actually found that real-life partners benefit from their partner’s interest in romance. We also know from research that both men and women “favor” romantic themes over sex, despite the notable discrepancy in sexual interest and greater use of sexual outlets among men (compared to women).

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Perhaps we needed such a moving depiction of passion, overcoming hesitation, all-consuming yearning for connection, and true, deeply felt expressions of something lovely.